Different Past, Different Future
by VA23
Summary: Naruto is sent back in time to when the Sannin were young and the Shodai ruled Konoha. With the pre Sannin as teammates, an insane sensei, and malevolent plots all around, will Naruto be able to keep his sanity and change the future? Eventual Naru/Tsu
1. Cry for Eternity

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Original Chapter Title: _A Mother's Tears_

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I thought of this story the first time I saw the Sannin showdown, but never got around to writing it. I don't own anything from Naruto.

But enough talk! Action starts now!

-- (Outskirts of Tanazuka Gai) --

Naruto never thought he could hate someone as much as he did right now. Anger filled his blue eyes as he gazed at that traitorous bastard. He had actually _helped _them during the Chunin exam, showing them the way to the tower and then helping Team 7 fight the Ame ninjas.

The warning bells had gone off in his head when they first met, but Naruto had paid them no heed. Instead he had let him get close, gather crucial information on his fighting skills and personality. And now it was revealed that he was in league with the snake bastard, Orochimaru, who had led the attack on Konoha and killed the Sandaime.

Kabuto Yakushi. Oh how he _hated _the son of a bitch.

Now the two stood apart from each other in the middle of a field outside of Tanazuka Gai. The slug Sannin Tsunade was on her knees next to Naruto, paralyzed with fear from the blood that covered her body. Naruto's scowl deepened when Kabuto opened his mouth again and began trashing his dream of becoming Hokage.

"It's totally laughable, Naruto-kun, that a pathetic ninja like you could ever dream of becoming the most powerful and respected ninja in the Leaf village. All that the villagers will ever see you as is the nine-tailed fox that took their beloved Yondaime away from them."

Naruto's nails dug into his palm as he felt a tiny spark of red chakra trying to overcome him. Shaking his head slightly, he calmed himself down enough to regain his focus. He had a special surprise for Kabuto that didn't involve beating him to a bloody pulp with the Kyuubi's chakra, no matter how good it would feel.

Kabuto decided to throw more gas on the fire. "Tell you what; I'll make you a deal. Walk away right now, forget all about Lady Tsunade, and I won't kill your dream by killing you. What do you say, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto just lowered his head and spoke in a soft voice that carried over to the silver haired medic. "I'm not going to run away. I never go back on my word! That's my nindo!" he declared looking up, fire burning in his eyes. Tsunade looked up at the Genin in shock, his words reminding her of loved ones she lost so long ago.

Kabuto had given him a chance to survive, a chance to live. But the blonde had shot it down and had really pissed him off. He pulled out a kunai and charged. "You're throwing it all away! Dreams don't come true when you're dead!"

Tsunade regained enough of her senses to try and save this courageous boy. "Get out of the way, Naruto! Look out!" she yelled in desperation.

Naruto stood his ground and said, "Get ready to lose the bet, Baa-chan. That cursed necklace of yours is about to be mine!"

The sound of metal slicing flesh was the next thing Tsunade heard, and she was positive the boy was dead. But low-and-behold, Naruto wasn't dead! He had stopped Kabuto's knife with his left hand and held him in place, and with the right he formed half the required sign for a shadow clone. With a puff of smoke, a perfect imitation of the blonde was born.

"Let's see ya doge me this time!" Naruto yelled, holding his right hand out and began focusing his jutsu. The clone aided and kept the spinning chakra in check.

Kabuto looked on in fear as a miniature maelstrom of blue chakra was created. He had heard stories of this attack from Lord Orochimaru, about how it acted like a drill/blender to cause maximum damage to internal organs. If he didn't do something quick, he was going to be killed!

He focused every bit of chakra he had to his stomach as the blonde yelled "RASENGAN!" The attack connected and Kabuto screamed in pure agony as he felt skin and tissue tearing apart. _I'm not going to die yet!_ he thought as he hit Naruto in the chest with a chakra scalpel and felt it cut the aorta artery above the heart.

The next thing that happened amazed all three Sannins watching. Kabuto wasn't thrown, pushed, or lifted up by the attack. No, he _flew _fifty feet backwards, surrounded by blue chakra. He came to a stop only when he hit a heavy rock and left a deep circular impression both on the rock and his stomach.

Naruto stood there, panting heavily at having used way too much chakra in the Rasengan. He was also having trouble breathing because the left side of his chest hurt quite a bit.

Jiraiya and Orochimaru paused in their fight to see the damage caused by the demon container. The toad hermit had a giant smile on his face. _Amazing! That knucklehead actually pulled it off. He's becoming just like you Minato. _

But Orochimaru's thoughts were far from complimentary. _A child mastering an A-rank jutsu like that? It's unheard of! This kid is becoming quite the thorn in my side. _

"He did it," Tsunade whispered. "He really did it." Slowly, she got up and removed her necklace. Walking behind the panting Naruto, she slipped the gem over his messy blonde hair. "Congratulations, kid. You really deserve this."

Naruto looked at his prize and smiled, but his happiness turned to disbelief when he saw Kabuto standing up.

Both ninjas' chests were struggling to bring oxygen into their bodies. But then Naruto's vision became blurry. _What's wrong with me? Why am I getting dizzy? _His thoughts turned from confusion to panic as he started to cough up blood.

Tsunade's eyes widened in fear when Naruto fainted and fell backwards. "Naruto!" she screamed and caught him before he hit the ground. "Naruto! What's wrong!?"

Kabuto started chuckling, drawing Tsunade's attention. "How the hell did you survive that Rasengan?" she asked as the silver haired ninja took two slow steps toward them.

"Simple," Kabuto replied as his stomach started healing. "I focused my chakra to the point of impact before he hit. I was already creating new cells to replace the soon to be damaged ones. This is why Orochimaru-sama values me so much. I'm nigh invincible if I'm not instantly kil--guh!" He was cut off as he too spat up blood.

_Impossible! Did the brat really damage me that much? _He thought as he sank to his knees and clutched his stomach in pain. "No matter. It'll just take a bit longer to heal myself. But the boy is going to die anyway. I severed the aorta. Not even the Kyuubi can save him in ti--" He was cut off a second time as Tsunade appeared before him and delivered a vicious uppercut to his chin. Kabuto flew up 20 feet and landed with a sickening crack on the rock, breaking his neck and killing him for good.

With one problem out of the way, the slug Sannin returned to Naruto's side and immediately began working to save his life. "You can't die kid, you just can't!" Tsunade ordered disparately, tears streaming down her face with the prospect of losing another precious person.

-- (Inside the Seal) --

Deep within the darkest recesses of Naruto's mind, the great Kyuubi no Yoko was becoming worried. The light that was always on to signal the brat's well-being was growing dimmer and dimmer by the second.

"**It can't end like this. Not here. Not now,"** the giant rumbled slowly, his life also slipping away.

Kyuubi knew that he was out of options. Since the boy wasn't already accessing his chakra when the blow was struck, there was nothing he could do to repair the heart.

As the fox closed his eyes to resign to his fate, he heard something.

Drip.

Drip.

With a start, the kitsune opened his eyes to see small droplets of water splashing down into the puddle outside his cage. Then a green glow made itself known, growing brighter and brighter.

"**Impossible," **the demon rumbled, a small portion of strength returning to it. **"It can't be…the catalyst?" **

An idea struck the Kyuubi. A wild, crazy, insane idea. If he could pull this off, then not only would he keep his container alive (thus saving himself), but it might actually weaken the seal!

But if something went wrong and _they _were there, the consequences could be astronomical. But it was a risk he would have to take.

"**You better hang on, kid. This is going to be a wild ride."**

--

Tsunade kept the chakra flowing to Naruto, no matter what happened to her. "Please…you have to survive," she begged the young Uzumaki.

A single tear fell from her face onto the crystal she had given Naruto, and something completely unexpected happened.

The boy was suddenly surrounded by red-orange chakra, while the crystal was emitting a powerful green glow, so bright that Tsunade had to shield her arms.

When two colors diminished, Naruto was gone.

Tsunade blinked in disbelief and then screamed like she never had before.

-- (Outskirts of Konoha) --

Naruto slept, blissfully unaware of the three sets of eyes that looked him over.

"Whaddaya thinks wrong with him, Jir-kun"? said one voice, sounding to be male and just about 12 years old.

"How the hell should I know, Oro-teme? Do I look like a freakin medic to you? What do you think Tsu-hime"? said another boy about the same age.

"I just started learning techniques, baka! So I can't really say. Let's bring him back to Sarutobi-sensei and then to the hospital. I'm sure that Ojiisan and Oooji will know what to do."

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Well boys and girls, here we go with my own try at a time-travel. Reviews, questions, comments, and even criticisms are welcome.

Ojiisan--Grandfather

Oooji--Granduncle


	2. Land of Confusion

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Original Chapter Title: _The Times are Changing_

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I own none of the following three: Naruto, Snicker Bars, or the French language

In this chapter I tried my hand at humor, which I am much better at in real life, so please tell me how I did. Now on with the awesomeness!

--(Konoha Hospital)--

Before he was even fully conscious, Naruto recognized that smell. A unique smell combination of disinfectant and blood.

Opening his eyes, he saw a blindingly white ceiling with a humming florescent light in the middle. Yep, definitely a hospital.

Briefly wondering how he got there, he remembered his battle with the traitor Kabuto. The last thing he remembered was hitting Kabuto with the Rasengan, getting the necklace, a sharp pain in his chest, then blackness. He must've fainted from using too much chakra.

Sitting up he noticed that he wasn't hooked up to any monitors, so that was a good sign. He also didn't see Jiraiya, Shizune, or Tsunade-baachan anywhere and it was a bit hurtful that his new precious people weren't there.

Naruto remembered that both Ero-sennin and Baa-chan had been students of the Sandaime. This brought more unwanted grief into his heart as he remembered the old man. The third always visited him on his birthday and whenever he was in the hospital; usually the two times would coincide with each other since his birthday meant the Kyuubi festival and the festival meant his hospitalization from angry drunks.

Walking over to the window, he could see that it was about midday, so he had been out for nearly a day or more since the fight took place near 4 pm. He wondered if this hospital was in Tanazuka Gai or Konoha.

Deciding that no answer came without asking a question, Naruto found his clothes folded on the visitor's couch and proceeded to get dressed.

As he was strapping his sandals into place, the door opened and a nurse came in.

"Oh! You're awake. This is good news. We were wondering when you would wake up," she said with a smile.

Smiling back, Naruto asked, "Excuse me miss, how long was I out for?"

"We don't know exactly how long you your out before those three ninja brought you here, but you were nearly out for a whole day here."

Okay that didn't help. So Naruto tried again.

"Is this Tanazuka City or Konoha?" the blonde asked.

"This is Konoha," the nurse answered. Satisfied, Naruto started walking past her, but was stopped. "Before you can be dismissed, I need to perform one last diagnostic to make sure you're okay."

Figuring that it would be easier to just accept the check up than make a scene, Naruto sat down on his bed while the nurse checked his blood pressure, chakra stores, and all that other medical stuff.

"All done," the nurse said in a sing-song voice. "I don't know how but your wounds healed quite nicely. There's barely even a scar."

_If you don't know about the Kyuubi, lady, you're either new to the Leaf village or you've been under a rock the past 13 years. _Naruto though with a slight scowl. "Do you know where Ero-sennin and Baa-chan are?" Naruto asked while rolling down his sleeve.

The nurse gave a bewildered stare before asking "Who?"

Realizing the nurse didn't know Naruto's nicknames for the two Sannin, he explained "Jiraiya is the guy with long, white, spiky hair and is the world's biggest super pervert and Tsunade is this old chick (though she pretends to be young), has blonde hair, big boobs and a bad temper."

"Oh yes!" the nurse exclaimed. How could she forget the teen who kept trying to peek up all the female nurses' skirts or the blonde who would pound him to the ground every time he tried? But the nurse was confused by the 'big boobs' comment. The girl who had brought this boy in was barely pushing A-cup. "Those two are down in the visitor's lounge. They said they wanted to be here when the 'mysterious boy who slept in the woods' regained consciousness."

"K thanks!" Naruto said running past her, not even hearing the part about sleeping in the woods. When he was far enough away to avoid anymore awkward questions, he slowed down and headed down the stairs to the visitor's lounge on the 2nd floor.

The visitor's lounge was a wide room filled with vending machines, lots of chairs, TVs on the walls and a few couches. Looking around Naruto could see a man in a patient's outfit standing on a couch loudly proclaiming to be someone named Napoleon and yelling out random French words while two orderlies tried to get him to come down.

Next to the patient was a pale kid with long black hair bending in front of the snack machine trying to reach up to a Snicker's bar that got caught.

Then Naruto saw the tale-tell sign of spiky white hair that announced the presence of Jiraiya. He could see that Jiraiya was talking to a young blonde girl about Naruto's age. Naruto decided to announce himself to his perverted sensei.

"Yo, Ero-sennin! Isn't it illegal to hit on girls less than two-thirds your age?" Jiraiya didn't even look up. Scowling, Naruto walked over to the white haired man and tried a different approach. "Hey Jiraiya-sensei! Aren't you going to say hi to your…favorite…pupil?"

Naruto could only stare. This _was_ Jiraiya wasn't it?

Long, white, spiky hair? Check.

Red tattoos under the eyes? Check.

Large bump on his head by getting pounded by Tsunade? Double check.

But it _wasn't _Jiraiya. This person was too small. Too young.

Finally the youth decided to speak up. "Whaddaya mean 'sensei' kid? I haven't taught anyone a day in my life. The day anyone calls the Gallant Jiraiya 'sensei' will be the day Tsunade grows a pair of giant tits, stops gambling, and becomes Hokage. In other words, it ain't _ever_ gonna happen!"

This was a giant mistake. Faster than a speeding bull, Tsunade's fist connected with the already sore sport on Jiraiya's head, causing the crazy patient to scream "K.O.!!" while being dragged out of the room by the orderlies

"Baka!" screamed Tsunade at the downed pervert. "We just met this kid and already he's going to think of us as idiots!"

"Slehxnvbiebgs" Jiraiya babbled with little dizzy circles for eyes.

_This has to be a dream. I'm still probably unconscious._ Naruto thought to himself, barely aware of the ass kickin' that just happened. _I'll just pinch myself and wake up. _

Naruto the grabbed his cheek and pulled hard. "Ow! Not a dream. Maybe a Genjutsu?" He then put his hands in the ram seal…but forgot the dispel word.

_What was it again? I remember Sakura-chan telling me about it after she woke me up during the Chunin exam. _"That's it!" Naruto exclaimed, proud to remember the obscure word.

"Cake!" Nothing happened.

"No wait! Kel!" Again nothing.

Then he finally remembered the correct word.

"Kai!" This time, Naruto felt a pulse of his chakra go through his body. When he opened his eyes, the two teens were looking like they wanted to call the orderlies over to have this weird kid go join Napoleon.

Jiraiya, being the bravest on his team, cautiously approached the boy. "You okay there, buddy? Ya didn't hit your head before we picked you up, didja?"

Before he could answer, Naruto heard something that made his blood run cold.

"Ku ku ku. Have you two already made a new friend out of our mysterious forest boy?"

Feeling his breath catch in his throat, Naruto turned to see a face that he positively _hated_. Pale skin, yellow eyes, forked tongue, and the _stench_ of snakes was almost palpable.

For a moment, Naruto had no thoughts, no rational state of mind, and no idea where he was. All he knew was a howling deep in his mind that screamed at him to annihilate the snake bastard, the one who dared attack the sanctity of the Leaf village and killed the only grandfather he had ever known.

"Oh, by the way, Tsunade, Jiraiya's Snicker bar got stuck and I couldn't reach it, so I just paid for a second one to knock the other down. Do you want it?" Orochimaru said holding out both chocolaty treats. Jiraiya took his, peeled it down and shoved it in his mouth. Tsunade decided she had been doing well on her diet and deserved a little treat.

"Thank you very much, Orochi--" she was cut off has an enormous blast of red chakra exploded out from the blonde boy.

"**OROCHIMARUUUUUU!!" **Naruto roared in a deep, guttural voice, his eyes turning red and silted, and the whisker marks on his face becoming deeper and darker. **"I'M GOING TO KILL YOOOOOUUUU!!" **And with that, Naruto ran at the confused snake child, fully intent on ripping his heart out.

Only quick thinking from Tsunade saved his life. _Please let this work!_ she thought desperately. This was the first time she would use this technique in a battle situation, and she knew the risks. Too little chakra would bruise all the bones in her hands, and too much would shatter her whole arm.

Focusing the chakra to her arm, Tsunade punched the floor, causing a small fissure to appear in between her teammate and the murderous blonde. Naruto faltered on the uneven surface for only a second, but a second was all that was needed. Orochimaru performed a substitution jutsu with a chair just before Naruto's claws killed him.

"Holy shit, Orochimaru!" Jiraiya yelled at his friend. "What the hell did you do to piss him off so much!?"

"I don't know!" Orochimaru yelled back, putting as much distance as he could between himself and his would be killer. "I've never met him before!"

"Well just apologize anyway!"

But Naruto would be having none of that. He roared again and all the glass in the windows and TVs exploded outwards in a flurry of deadly shards.

Orochimaru then decided to leave before any more damage could come to the hospital or the patients. He turned at leapt out of a broken window, cutting himself slightly on the jagged edges.

Turning around, Orochimaru settled himself in a defensive Taijutsu stance that Sarutobi-sensei had begun to teach him and waited.

Orochimaru expected the blonde to exit out of the same window he did. But his eyes nearly popped out of his head when Naruto broke _through_ the wall, red chakra lashing out around him.

Deciding that there was no way he could survive a fist fight with him, Orochimaru turned tail and ran off again, this time yelling for help.

An ANBU on patrol heard the commotion and landed if front of the fleeing Orochimaru, who deducted from the porcelain wolf mask on his face, grayish-white hair that defied gravity by staying up, and bladeless katana at his waist could only be one person.

"Sakumo-san! Thank God you're here! This crazy blond haired kid is trying to kill me!"

Looking the way that the pale child had come from, Sakumo could see an orange and yellow person surrounded by red chakra running down the street, and leaving a trail of rubble behind him.

The white haired ANBU held up a hand and spoke in a commanding voice. "Halt! In the name of the Hidden Leaf village you are to stop or deadly force will be used against you!" Naruto didn't seem to hear him, his focus only on Orochimaru.

Seeing as how threats didn't work, Sakumo flew through several hands seals and said, **"Doton: Doryuuheki! **(Earth Style: Mudslide Barrier)**"** and spat out mud that quickly formed a wall in front of Naruto.

Naruto merely bent his knees and jumped over the barrier. Sakumo had planned for this and called his next attack. **"Doton: Torppingu Kiba!"** (Earth Style: Trapping Fang (Original))

A giant wolf made of earth sprang up and caught Naruto in its mouth. It then landed in front of Sakumo. "Now are you going to calm down and tell me why you were attacking a Konoha ninja?"

"**That bastard attacked the village and killed the third Hokage! What are you protecting him for!?"** Naruto screamed in anger.

Sakumo looked backed to Orochimaru, who had bewilderment all over his face. Sakumo then turned back to the captive. "Kid, I'm afraid you're badly mistaken. No enemy has yet dared to attack this village and the only Hokage we have is the Shodai."

Naruto refused to believe this, thinking that this bastard was either messing with him or else this white haired bastard was Kabuto in disguise.

This thought brought new fury to Naruto. **"STOP SCREWING WITH MY HEAD!!"** the blonde screamed, as another explosion of red chakra overtook him and destroyed the earth wolf.

Sakumo and Orochimaru jumped back several feet. Then their eyes widened in fear when they saw the boy hold out his right hand and red chakra started to swirl around in a ball shape. They could both tell that whatever that jutsu was, it was very powerful.

Naruto then charged, fully intent on killing Orochimaru and whoever sided with him.

_I've got no choice! Got to use it! _Sakumo reached for the hilt on his waist and held it in front of him. Any other opponent would have laughed at the sight of someone trying to defend themselves with a hilt that had no blade. But all that Naruto knew was that he held death in his hand, and his target was less than 10 feet away.

Just as the kid was about to strike, Sakumo sent a powerful surge of chakra to the hilt and formed an incredibly white blade, pulsating with power. Sakumo blocked the sphere and held the blonde boy at bay.

Naruto responded by summoning more of the Kyuubi's chakra, increasing the size of the Rasengan by an inch. Sakumo retaliated by pumping more of his chakra into the blade, which had begun to bend to the sphere, but now held equal ground.

Just as it seemed like these two forces would be in a forever stalemate, a sudden cry of "SNEAK ATTACK!" followed by two feet slamming into the side of Naruto's head ended the battle. Naruto slammed through a building and lay there, seemingly unconscious.

In place where the blonde once was, now stood Jiraiya, face split into wide smile at the success of his attack.

Orochimaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Jiraiya-kun. I don't know how much longer Sakumo-san could've held him off."

Ignoring the ANBU's indignant glare, Jiraiya just gloated. "No worries, citizen. It's all in a day's work for the Gallant Jiraiya! Ha ha ha!"

Deciding to end this little stupid party before he got involved, Sakumo spoke up, "Now we just need to call the Uchiha Police Force to come and--" Sakumo's voice caught in his throat as all three felt an incredibly powerful killing intent.

Looking over to the blond, all three watched in horror as Naruto bent forwards to stand on all fours. The red chakra surrounding him began to take shape of some kind of animal, but they couldn't tell what.

But before the boy could attack, the crystal around his neck began to glow an unearthly green light. The chakra around him started to recede back into his body and the boy cried in pain and then truly fell unconscious.

"Are you three all right?" called a worried voice behind them. The trio turned around and saw three other people coming down the road. Two were hurrying while the third was walking slowly with his hand held out in front of him, the necklace around his neck glowing with the same light as the other one.

"Sarutobi-sensei! Tsunade-hemi!" Jiraiya and Orochimaru called, glad to see their teacher with and their other teammate.

"I was so worried about you two!" Tsunade said hugging her teammates. "Don't ever run off like that again, Jiraiya-baka."

"I'm sorry, Tsu-hime. But I had to make sure Oro-teme would be okay," Jiraiya said.

"Why did that boy attack you?" Sarutobi asked Orochimaru.

"I don't know, sensei. We were in the hospital, he saw me, freaked out, chased me, and said I attacked Konoha and killed the third Hokage."

Sarutobi looked at the other adult. "What should we do, Hasirama-sama?"

The Shodai gazed at the unconscious blonde for a moment. "Bring him to cell 66. I would like to have a little talk with our guest."

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IMPORTANT

The following are ages and timeline rules, so I can go ahead and get it out of the way to avoid any more confusion.

Naruto-13

Tsunade-13

Nawaki-8

Jiraiya-13

Orochimaru-13

Sakumo Hatake-17 (it never really gave an approximate age for him, but I think he was a few years older than the Sannin, so this seemed appropriate)

Sarutobi-31

Shodai-58

Nidaime-48

I will be following DBZ Future Trunks timeline rules. Meaning that whatever Naruto does in this past timeline won't affect his timeline.


	3. Jailhouse Rock

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Original Chapter Title: Lock and Key

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My thanks to all those who reviewed. The input was most helpful.

I am a bit discouraged that only one person mentioned the Napoleon/Snicker's scenes. Oh well. "Zendagi Migzara" as the Persians say (life goes on).

Quick Japanese Lesson: Apparently I've been mistakenly putting –me at the end of the First Hokage's title. The true and correct way of writing it is just "Shodai," which means "first generation/founder". The other Hokages after him have –me at the end of their title to represent "a continuation in government."

I don't own Naruto.

-- (Unknown Location) --

Waking up in strange places seemed to be becoming a bit of a habit with him. The last time it happened was in the hospital. Now he was in what looked liked a prison cell with intricately drawn symbols on the floor, walls, ceiling, and bars on the door.

Naruto was more interested in hand seals that caused big explosions or great damage to the enemy. He never really paid attention in class when Iruka went over symbols or seals that had to be drawn; never realizing one of the most powerful in existence was on his belly.

When Naruto first woke up in this prison, he had thought that Orochimaru had done something to him again like he did in the Forest of Death. But back then, the snake bastard had completely separated Naruto from the fox's chakra. Now, however, the blonde could still feel the red chakra flowing from his stomach to the rest of his body.

When Naruto had tried to mold chakra, the seals on the floor had glowed bright blue. Then the next thing he knew, he was face down on the floor because it felt like somebody turned the gravity up by 10.

While he struggled to keep his organs from being squished, the seals on the walls and ceiling glowed white and Naruto felt the chakra he had built up disappear. Then all the seals stopped glowing and he got up and sat on the bed. That draining reminded him of not long ago when Itachi and Kisame from the Akatsuki had tried to kidnap him and the shark man's sword had "shaved away and ate" his chakra, as the hybrid had put it.

For one terrified moment, Naruto thought that he really had been captured by those two. But logic told him that he probably wouldn't still be alive if they had already removed the Kyuubi from him. So he allowed himself to calm down and think of what happened before waking up here.

He remembered the nurse checking him over, then seeing the unexplainable younger Jiraiya, then Orochimaru. After that everything got fuzzy and he only got bits and pieces. The most he got was combining the Kyuubi's chakra with the Rasengan, an ANBU with a white sword, and then a bright green glow.

For some reason, the green glow reminded him of the necklace he had won from Tsunade. His hand moved up to fiddle with the gem…around…his…neck?

It wasn't there.

_Where is it!?_ He thought, starting to panic. _I know I had it on earlier. Maybe it's in my pocket._ Naruto checked his pockets and didn't find the gem there. He then proceeded to remove his clothing to look everywhere the crystal could have possibly fallen. He even checked behind his forehead protector, but all he found was a free ramen ticket.

Standing there in that cold cell in nothing but his boxers, a numb sense of disbelief swept threw him. Someone had violated his property. Naruto was used to not having many nice things growing up. So whenever he got something nice, like a new set of kunai from the Sandaime or Iruka's forehead protector, he would do his very best to keep it safe and well cared for.

Tsunade's necklace was worth a fortune (not that Naruto would ever sell it) and was probably the reason someone had taken it. Whoever had taken his crystal would pay dearly; just as soon as he got out of this cell, of course.

"Do you always do a strip show whenever you're imprisoned?" said a voice full of mirth and barely contained laughter.

Embarrassment overtaking anger, Naruto quickly pulled his pants back on and turned to look past the bars where the voice had come from.

Out of the darkness strolled a man just a bit under 6 feet tall. His hair was light gray and kept in many small spikes. He wore blue battle armor that covered the chest, groin, and arm from shoulder to elbow. His shoulder armor had white fur lining that went around the neck.

Underneath the blue armor, he wore a black shirt with sleeves that stopped a few inches past the elbow. Black pants and leather sandals were on his legs and feet. At his waist, he too had a sword hilt without a blade, like the ANBU from before. The guard on this one had two curved horns that nearly touched each other at their apex.

The stranger's eyes were a light brown, and held a kind sparkle that also showed that he had power and was not to be taken lightly. He had three marks shaped like brown-red spikes on his face. One extended from the chin to the bottom lip and the other two wrapped around his face to end below the eyes.

Naruto stared for a few moments before he had an epiphany and stumbled backwards in surprise and fell on his butt. He just realized that he knew this man. Not personally, but from looking at his face carved on the Hokage monument and immortalized in text books.

It was the Nidaime, second Hokage of Konoha, younger brother of the Shodai, and master of water jutsus!

Naruto just sat there, mouth hanging down and eyes unblinking. The Nidaime looked kind of scared at this reaction.

"Jeez, kid. I know I'm one handsome devil and all, but you're really freakin' me out."

Naruto's response was to imitate a goldfish by opening and closing his mouth with his eyes wide open.

_I think the ero-kinshou was right, _the Nidaime thought, _this kid is messed up in the head. _"Okay son," he said in what he hoped was a calming and non-threatening voice, "I'm going to let you out and we'll go get some ice cre--"

"How the hell are you alive!?" Naruto interrupted. "You're supposed to have died years ago!" Naruto had decided that his mysterious captors wouldn't still be playing games with him when they had him locked up, so something else had to be going on.

The gray haired man sweat-dropped at this proclamation. When was he supposed to have died? "Isn't that a little bit harsh, gaki? I'm only 48 years old. I eat my veggies and work out every day like I always have. I figure I got at least two more decades before my age really catches up to me." Assuming he didn't die in battle or from a disease of course.

"No you don't! You were killed years before the Third Great Ninja war started by a ninja from Iwa. It was one of the events that set off the war between us and them."

_Third war? _the Nidaime thought solemnly. _The first ended before the hidden villages were created and there's only some mild mistrust and arguments between us, Kusa, and Ame. Although brother is concerned about how much power that young Hanzo from Ame was amassing. And if I did battle a Doton user, they would have the advantage over my Suiton jutsus, but my Raiton jutsus would take care of that._

This kid had just gone from crazy to maybe. Nidaime had heard of a very, very, very lucky few ninja who had the power to see the future. If this kid was a clairvoyant, the information he could provide would be priceless.

Before he could think any farther, Naruto started into a tirade of questions.

"Where the hell am I? What do you want with me? When are you going to let me out? If you're with the Akatsuki, then why ain't I dead yet? And what the fuck happened to my necklace?"

The Nidaime looked at the kid for a second, then a smirk made its way across his face. He decided to annoy this kid by answering his questions and turning into the one thing his brother hated most: a smart-ass.

"You're in a cell, a place where criminals are kept. Personally, I want you to shut the hell up. When the planets are properly aligned. Is it pronounced Ah-kot-sue-kee or Ah-kot-ski? And do you mean this thing?" he asked holding up Naruto's necklace, the gem glinting in the soft light.

Naruto immediately ran at the cell door. "Give it back you bastard!"

As soon as the orange clad ninja touched the bars, the seals glowed yellow and a huge amount of electricity went into the blonde's body. The Kyuubi container made a very amusing sound, kind of like the chirping a demonic dolphin would make, and was thrown backwards into the wall.

The Nidaime gave out a howl of laughter and doubled over, clutching his belly from the guffaws that issued from him. He could make a fortune selling tickets to watch this kid!

"Oh my god! You sounded like a possessed dolphin! Ha ha ha!" The blue clad man then composed himself and peered inside.

"You don't wanna touch these bars, kid. There's over 20,000 volts of electricity running thru them. Pretty clever, don't ya think?" he asked, smiling at how well his invention had worked.

Naruto stood up and snarled at the gray haired bastard. "I'll show you!" he declared and made a cross shaped seal. **"Kage Bunshin no jutsu!"**

Ten shadow clones poofed into existence beside the real one. Naruto's moment of triumph was short lived as the seals on the floor glowed blue again, and all eleven blondes were slammed into the ground. The shadow clones were destroyed and the chakra that was used to give them form was sucked into the glowing walls and ceiling.

The Nidaime raised an eyebrow at what the boy had accomplished. The most shadow clones he could create at once were twenty-five, and that took a good chunk of his chakra. But this young ninja with a horrible taste in clothes had produced ten Kage Bunshins with minimal effort.

"I commend you on your skill with clones, kid, but this is an inescapable cell. The floor reacts to even the slightest amount of chakra, and the gravity increases the more chakra that's used. The chakra is then absorbed by the walls and ceiling and is converted from energy to a fresh pine scent and is distributed throughout the building. Personally, I would have chosen strawberry, but my brother is obsessed with trees, so whatever. And you know about the jail door."

Naruto again scowled as the gravity went back to normal. He couldn't really care who his brother was, even if he…founded…the village.

Realizing again who he was talking to, Naruto sat down and put his head in his hands. How could the Shodai and Nidaime be alive? Or was he dead? Naruto's mind was a beehive of confusion as question after question flew around his head.

"Heh-hum," The gray haired man cleared his throat to gain Naruto's attention. "Now if you don't mind, I believe introductions are in order." He then stared at the blonde.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto said simply.

The blue man smiled and said, "Nice to meat you Naruto. My name is Senju Shinsui, and my brother Hashirama…," he took out his sword hilt and added chakra. A three and a half long blade of lightning materialized out of the guard. Shinsui touched the blade to the cell bars. This caused them to spark and crackle as the seals were overloaded.

The door swung open and Shinsui deactivated his blade. "…would like to have a few words with you," he said with a grin.

* * *

Ero-kinshou—little pervert

Kusa—Grass

Shinsui—Flood

Updated 5/27/08- Corrected Shodai's name from "Takigi" to Hashirama.

Personally, I pronounce it Ah-kot-sue-kee, because that's how I first heard it on the _Fun with Akatsuki _flash by OmniStrife. On the show (both English and Japanese) it's pronounced Ah-kot-ski, so say it however you want to. I mean there are still people who pronounce the character's name as Nay-ruto when the show does it Nah-ruto. Whatever.

I realize that Shinsui was not the Nidaime when this happened. I just had to call him something until I revealed his name, and "gray haired man" would have gotten real old, real quick.

I apologize for the lack of action in this chapter. I just had too much fun writing Shinsui.

Next time: Naruto meets the Shodai and tells his life story.

* * *


	4. Float On

* * *

Original Chapter Title: _Founder_

* * *

To those of you who keep telling me that the Sannin were genin at the age of 6 and probably got chunin shortly thereafter, I KNOW! This is fan_fiction_, and can be considered alternate universe. Don't worry; I explain it next chapter.

Don't own Naruto or Skittles.

Anyway, here comes the funk.

-- (Hokage Tower) --

2,245…2,246…2,247.

So far, Naruto had counted over twenty-two hundred steps, and they just kept going. He had asked Shinsui how far underground they were (for it had to be underground to be this dark and cool) when the gray haired man had released him, and Shinsui had said only two hundred yards.

Naruto was beginning to think that Shinsui was messing with him again.

Since his release from the inescapable cell, Naruto had to endure two new forms of torture: the never ending spiral staircase he was on now, and the unlimited questions Shinsui kept asking him.

"Why did you choose orange to wear? It's not very easy to hide with that bright a color. You're a bit short for someone your age; are you drinking your milk and eating greens? Why isn't 11 pronounced 'onety-one'? What was that bad ass red chakra you were using earlier? My brother seemed concerned when he mentioned you had it. Can you teach me that spinning ball jutsu you were using against Ookami? It seems pretty powerful. Why did God invent the platypus? Are you related to Kobune-kun? He's a friend of mine and he has blonde hair and blue eyes like you. And speaking of eyes…" he said stopping and turning around to face Naruto.

"…why are yours so squinty? You tryin' to hide something?" Shinsui then grabbed Naruto by the head and opened his eyes with his thumbs before the blonde could even protest.

After studying Naruto's eyes for a few seconds, the blue clad man seemed satisfied and let him go. Naruto stared in bewilderment as Shinsui resumed his track up the stairs, whistling a care free tune. Naruto followed, thinking that this day couldn't get any weirder.

Oh, how wrong he was.

-- (Training Ground) --

"**Katon: Ryuuka no Jutsu!** (Fire style: Dragon Fire Skill)**" **yelled a voice as a blast of red hot fire flew towards the ninja's target. The one about to be hit by the fire dodged easily and retaliated.

"**Doton: Gekiha Heiban! **(Earth release: Crushing slabs (original))**" **Two earth walls rose up and slammed together with surprising speed, just barely missing the first ninja who used a substitution jutsu with a log.

A third ninja made herself known by getting up close to the target and engaging in Taijutsu. Punches and kicks were thrown with only the intent to harm. Anything less against this opponent would result in failure.

But again, the opposition proved why he was so well renowned and grabbed the kunoichi by the wrists and threw her several yards away, letting his guard down for only an instant. This opening was taken advantage of by the final member of the attacking team. This one made the hand seal for serpent and called his attack.

"**Sen'eijashu! **(Hidden snake hand)**" **Multiple snakes flew out of Orochimaru's sleeve toward his sensei. He knew they would hit and trap him. Sarutobi had no time to escape or dodge.

But he did not know that the young Sarutobi had turned around to face his serpentine student. With him now facing the other way, one snake saw a new opportunity to win and went for the throat. The reptile opened its maw and bit deep and hard into Sarutobi's jugular.

"No!" Orochimaru cried as his sensei panicked and tore the snake from his throat, unleashing a small bit of crimson fluid down his front. "Sarutobi-sensei!"

Orochimaru ran to his teacher as Sarutobi collapsed onto the grass. He didn't mean for this to happen. His job was just to keep sensei occupied while Jiraiya quickly snatched the target scroll from him.

But this was horrible! His sensei now lay dying and it was his fault. There was no chance for help; too much blood had been--

_That's it! _Orochimaru realized what was wrong with this picture and held his hands in the ram seal. "Kai!" he said, unleashing the Genjutsu around him. The dying Sarutobi disappeared, leaving Orochimaru to curse at his foolishness for being caught.

"Oro-teme!" Jiraiya yelled at him. "Stop daydreaming and give us a hand here!"

Quelling the anger that was rising in his chest, Orochimaru sprinted to where his teammates were tossing kunai and shuriken at Sarutobi in the hope that a lucky blade would slow him down.

But the monkey summoner wasn't feared just for his vast knowledge of jutsu. He was also skilled in bojutsu, and could perform deadly combinations and still keep a safe distance.

The staff he was using now was made from bamboo and was 6 feet long. It was weaker than the other ones he had and mainly used just for training and light sparing like he and his students were in now.

Well, light for them. Most chunins would have trouble keeping up with those three.

Sarutobi smiled when he saw Tsunade trying to enhance her punches and kicks with chakra. After successfully using this technique against the blonde boy, Tsunade had really gotten into learning the jutsu. There was hardly a training dummy around that didn't look like a battering ram was taken to it.

But just because she could do it, didn't mean she could do it right. Half the time, she would over use chakra, injure her hand, and have to have it treated at the hospital.

But she kept going, no matter how badly she injured her hand. She would have it healed and go right back to training. That never give up attitude was the very core of the Will of Fire, and it was a philosophy that Sarutobi constantly reminded his students about.

Tsunade always came back for more punishment, despite the injuries that may occur. Jiraiya was more hardheaded and a bit of an idiot, but he too was a perfect example of the Will of Fire.

Orochimaru was another story altogether. The death of his parents had hit him pretty hard. He now seemed more interested in the easy way of acquiring power instead of through hard work. Orochimaru was particularly interested in the Uchiha clan and their Sharingan.

The Uchihas were definitely hailed as powerful shinobi. Their ability to instantly copy any jutsu was envied by every other village, and Konoha was proud and lucky to have them. Madara Uchiha, the current leader of the clan, and his brother, Izuna, were the first to achieve the now infamous Mangekyou Sharingan. Shortly after Madara was named clan head, his brother had "given" Madara his eyes to save him from blindness.

This completely went against Izuna's personality and now the Uchihas and their police squad were under constant watch by both the village and the ANBU. Sufficient to say, the Uchihas were not happy about this.

Sarutobi was brought out of his musings on his students and the Uchihas when Tsunade brought down her hand in a chopping motion. Sarutobi used his staff to intercept the blow, but realized the mistake too late.

Tsunade's chakra enhanced hand broke the staff in half. Instead of one long bo, Sarutobi now had two shorter sticks. But every pupil of bojutsu knew what to do in these situations. Sarutobi twirled the sticks around in his fingers and gave a cocky grin. "Come get some," he said to his three students.

Jiraiya took the initiative and launched half a dozen shuriken at his sensei. Sarutobi scowled at his pupil's lack of thinking. It would be too easy to use his sticks to knock away three apiece. But Jiraiya then did something that threw Sarutobi for a loop.

"**Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" **(Throwing star Shadow clone)

_Where the hell did he learn that? _Sarutobi thought as the six shuriken multiplied into thirty, forcing him to jump high into the air where he noticed that a shadow had fallen over him. Looking up, he saw Orochimaru making hand seals.

"**Futon: Karui Bure-ka! **(Wind release: Minor breaker (original))**" **A small gust of wind erupted from the black haired gennin's hand and slammed into Sarutobi, throwing him back to the ground. The jounin righted himself and landed on his feet. His instincts kicked in a second later and he crisscrossed his sticks to block a large tree branch wielded by Tsunade.

Student and teacher locked eyes as they struggled for dominance. Well, Tsunade was anyway. Sarutobi was just entertaining her. A training match was no fun if you just beat your students in less than four moves.

While he focused on the blonde, the white haired member of this merry band of ninjas used another jutsu that Sarutobi didn't know he knew.

"**Doton: Yomi Numa no jutsu! **(Earth release: Swamp of the Underworld)**" **The ground beneath Sarutobi's feet turned to a dark liquid. He sank to his knees, showing that Jiraiya didn't have a full grasp on the technique. If he did, the murky swamp would be several dozen yards wide and much deeper.

As Sarutobi was about to escape, his hands were suddenly bound together by two vipers that hissed angrily at him. Helpless, Sarutobi could only watch as Jiraiya smugly strolled up to him and removed the scroll from his pocket.

"How'd we do, Sarutobi-sensei? Totally kick ass, right"? Jiraiya asked, panting harder than he should have been, as Sarutobi freed himself from the mini swamp.

The dark haired jounin stroked his goatee and contemplated what to say. "Your teamwork is becoming top notch. Against a few mid chunin to one low jounin opponent, you three would more than likely win. But your individual skills still need work." He turned to Tsunade. "Your chakra enhancement is coming along quite nicely, Tsunade. We'll work on increasing your speed so that your punches connect and do all the more damage."

"Hai, sensei. Ojiisan has been experimenting on gravity seals for training. I'll talk to him later to see if I can use them," Tsunade said.

"Jiraiya," Sarutobi said to his perverted student, who was taking large gulps of water from a canteen. "The shuriken Kage Bunshin and Yomi Numa are powerful techniques. Where did you learn them?"

Jiraiya absentmindedly scratched the back of his head while answering. "I went to go see Shinsui-sama to ask if he had any cool jutsu I could use to show up Oro-teme. He showed me the shuriken shadow clone jutsu and turned a training dummy into splinters with it. He didn't know the Yomi Numa himself, but found a scroll that explained the theory on it. He and I both spent two days getting it right. But I guess I didn't use enough chakra to make the swamp deep or large enough," he said, eyeing the pitiful swamp behind them.

The jounin made a small 'hnn' noise before telling Jiraiya the dangers of using jutsu outside his current skill and chakra level. He would have to talk with Shinsui-sensei about showing some restraint to these young genin.

Sarutobi then turned his attention to Orochimaru. "Excellent work on the Sen'eijashu. Your strikes are becoming much quicker. But you might wanna try exerting a bit more control on the snakes once they're attacking. If that hadn't been a Genjutsu, I might actually have been injured."

"Gomen nasai," Orochimaru said with a small scowl. Any form of weakness to him was a failure. He _had_ to be strong.

"And how did you figure out that was a Genjutsu anyway? I thought I did an adequate job," Sarutobi inquired to his pale student.

Orochimaru didn't answer for a few seconds. Then he looked at the ground and muttered in a low voice, "The snake bit into the jugular. When 'you' ripped it off, there should have been more blood. A _lot _more."

His teammates and sensei didn't say anything for a while before Jiraiya spoke up. "Oro-teme, if you ever do get a date with an actual girl and not some guy transformed to look like one," Jiraiya chuckled at that memory. It cost him 750 ryu, but was well worth the look on Orochimaru's face. "…don't say weird shit like that. It's creepy."

If looks could kill, Jiraiya would be ash from Orochimaru's hated glare. He then gave him the single finger salute. Sarutobi and Tsunade rolled their eyes in perfect symmetry at this. The two would be best friends one minute, and at each other's throats the next. Maybe it was because Jiraiya was jealous that Orochimaru was considered a true prodigy, while he was barely an above average genius.

Noticing that the two were about to go at it again, Tsunade stepped in. "All right you two. Break it up before I break your arms," she said glairing at the pair.

Jiraiya snorted and turned his head away. Orochimaru stared for a few more seconds before holding his fist out to his spiky haired teammate. Jiraiya saw this and grinned. He too put his fist out and the two friends gave a quick tap, silently agreeing to a truce.

For the time being at least.

-- (Hokage Tower) --

_This is impossible! No staircase goes on this long! _Naruto was nearing the end of his rope. It felt as though they had gone on for miles and miles, the hours ticking away. The blonde was doing his damned best not to faint right there on the spot, while that gray haired bastard didn't look tired at all. And he was still whistling that fuckin annoying tune!

"How can you (weez) not even be (pant) tired!?" Naruto gasped, his mouth and throat dry. He knew this man was a Kage level ninja, but even Kages needed rest and hydration.

Shinsui stopped, looked back at the panting kid behind him, looked at a watch on his wrist, and gave an impressed whistle. "5 hours, 34 minutes, and 27 seconds. You have amazing stamina kid, but you really suck at detecting Genjutsu." He then snapped his fingers, releasing Naruto from the mind trick he had been under.

Naruto stared at the man who was quickly topping his 'most hated' list. He had been under a _Genjutsu _for the past 5 and a half HOURS? How far had they actually gone? And what the fuck was the point of all that!?

Naruto couldn't take any more. He felt rage and the Kyuubi's chakra coursing through him. He launched himself at the water master, his eyes blood red. But before he could blink, Naruto was on the floor instead of throttling Shinsui, with the blue clad man on his back, holding his arms in a submission move with one had. With the other hand, Shinsui shoved a small pill into the blonde's mouth. The blue clad man then placed his hand over Naruto's mouth so he couldn't spit it back out.

"That's a hydro pill, kid. It will replenish your body fluids and calm you down a bit. Now swallow and taste the rainbow ®."

Naruto decided to swallow the hydro-pill, just to put Shinsui off guard. As soon as the pill touched his throat, he felt soothing relief. He felt as though he hadn't just been dying of thirst. His mouth was full of spit and it had a slight taste of…strawberries? Then Naruto felt his anger ebb away. All was right with the world. Nothing could go wrong.

Shinsui sniggered at the goofy smile on Naruto's face. The other test subjects who tried his little invention either had that same no-worries grin, or they went completely mad for a week. Looks like this kid got lucky.

"Feelin' better, kid?" Shinsui asked Naruto. The blonde gave a slow laugh and said, "Yeah. Looaads. Heh heh." Shinsui gave a small frown. _Hmm. Kid looks like he either got some really good weed, or some really bad crack. Maybe he's in the small percentage that becomes super lazy._

The gray haired enigma then turned back around and stepped onto the top landing of the Hokage tower with Naruto right behind him. In front of him stood a solid oak door with the kanji for leaf 葉, fire 火, and shadow 影 etched onto it. He knocked twice.

"Enter," a deep voice responded. Shinsui grabbed Naruto by the shoulder and led him in.

-- (Hokage's Office) --

Senju Hashirama was not having a good week.

The council that had been created to govern the civilians of Konoha was becoming increasingly demanding and bothersome. They were actually requesting to become part of the governing body of the ninja populace too.

Then there was talk of unrest and unprovoked attacks happening between Konoha and Ame (though proof was hard to come by).

But the problem that weighed heaviest on his heart was that his good friend Madara was becoming colder every time a decision was made that he disagreed with. He sometimes refused point blank to attend meetings at all anymore.

And now the boy his granddaughter and her teammates had found in the woods had not only attacked a ninja of Konoha, but it seemed that he was a demon container too.

Hashirama sighed as he got up from his desk and went over to the bookcase. Every story surrounding the jinchuuriki was one of woe and misery. They were either hated by the village for the pain the demon itself had caused, or they were used as a weapon of war and death.

His fingers skimmed along spines as his mind contemplated the effects of having a jinchuuriki in Konoha. If the village found out that someone containing a demon was in their midst, they might just demand the boy be killed. Hashirama didn't know if he had it in him to do that.

His finger stopped as he found the book he was looking for. He pulled it out and sat back down at his desk. The book was old; its pages yellow and brittle and stains all over the cover. The book was titled _Secrets of the Ancient Gods _and below the title was a drawing of the planet, its outline connected by nine kanji: typhoon 台風, reaper 収穫者, tsunami 津波, blizzard ブリザード, fusion 融合, lightning 電光, earth 地球, devil 悪魔, and inferno インフェルノ.

Hashirama opened the book to the middle, and winced at the crackling protest the old pages made. He was a wood jutsu master, and paper was a byproduct of wood, so he immensely enjoyed reading books and hated when they were in such poor condition like this. He slowly turned to the final chapter of the book. A beautiful painted picture of a nine tailed fox dominated the left page. Its fur was a glorious red, and its eyes were full of fire and hatred. Hashirama couldn't imagine a living creature harboring such hatred.

He looked at the text on the opposite page and began reading.

'_Of all the tailed demons, the kyuubi no yoko reigns supreme. Considered to be unstoppable, the kyuubi can drain oceans, reshape continents, and cause mass destruction with a single swipe of a tail. Man can no more stop this living natural disaster than he can stop death. _

_The kyuubi and its eight brethren appeared after the band of warriors known as the Kutentei Kyoushu disappeared. Many believe that the biju lied in wait for the only ones to have the power to oppose them to vanish. With the Kyoushu out of their way, the biju have had the freedom to do as they please. At the time of this writing, no one has been able to halt the suffering the demons bring.'_

But the kyuubi _had_ been stopped. It had actually been sealed into a human, he was sure of this. Hashirama had felt that same chakra many years ago, back when his clan had been small and nomadic and had lived wherever the hunt was. They had come to a village seeking shelter and food. But instead of a bustling village of people, it was a mass graveyard. Every villager dead, every building destroyed. Not even the scavenger birds came near, the stench of death overpowering their hunger.

Only one villager had survived; a monk who was praying at the mountain temple had seen the fox destroy his village and then leave. The monk had torn his robes and sobbed to heaven at the most horrible sight he had seen. He died two hours after telling the Senju what had happened.

Even more powerful than the rotting corpses was the chakra that still lingered. All of the clan could feel pure malice practically oozing from the air around them; Hashirama more so because of the green gem around his neck. He thought he would go mad or die, just so he wouldn't feel it anymore.

But the gem had responded to him by emitting a warm glow and Hashirama suddenly knew how to end the madness. He had combined his chakra with the warmth flowing from the crystal and the fox's chakra had dissipated, freeing the Senju clan from its choking hold. They had left quickly and told no one else what they had seen.

Now it seemed that someone had been able to do the impossible and seal the kyuubi. But the question was what would he do with the boy now? Hashirama had sent Shinsui to retrieve the boy and evaluate his skills anyway he chose to on the way up. That had been nearly 6 hours ago, and the Hokage tower was still standing, so that had to be a good thing.

Shinsui was the third strongest ninja in the village. He was also a genius inventor and incredible to watch in battle. But his immature attitude made other ninja (his brother included) not take him as seriously as they could. Hashirama and Madara were both prime candidates for first, but since they had always tied when they fought, first place was a competition between them.

He stood up and popped a kink in his back. He placed the book back in its spot and went over to the window to gaze at the village he both created and governed. Even though it was a perfect sunshiny day, Hashirama couldn't help but feel that there was the shadow of a cloud out there, somewhere, that threatened the peace and tranquility of not only Konoha, but the whole world.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a knocking on the door. "Enter," he responded.

A tuft a gray, spiky hair poked through the cracked doorway. It was followed slowly (almost painfully so) by the rest of Shinsui's face. "I brought the boy up, just like you asked, Hokage-_sama_," he said scathingly, obviously trying to get a rise out of the village leader.

Hashirama gave an annoyed sigh. "Bring him in. I want to find out what this kid is about."

Shinsui's head disappeared as he exited. He reappeared a few moments later leading the blonde by the shoulder. Hashirama almost started banging his head against the wall when he saw the totally at ease expression on the boy's face. The hydro pill was priceless when a ninja was forced to go several days without drink, but Hashirama wondered if the side effects were worth it.

Hashirama reached into a pocket and pulled out the antidote he carried around with him incase he ever met some unfortunate soul to fall prey to Shinsui's happy pill. The hospital had created it when too many of their shinobi were either lazing around and staring at clouds all day, or were raving in the streets that purple squirrels were allying themselves with the sunburned penguins to steal all the sweet and spicy chicken wings.

He handed the vial of purple liquid to Naruto. "Drink this, kid. It'll make you feel better." Ignoring the age old warning of never drinking anything given to you by a stranger, Naruto chugged it down.

The effect was nearly instantaneous. The blonde grasped his head in pain as the antidote righted his brain's chemicals and began purging his body of the hydrating/lazy drug. He might pee purple next time he used the toilet, but it was better than being a lazy ass for a week.

The pain subsiding, Naruto looked up and felt his brain threaten to shorten out again. Before him in red battle armor stood the founder of Konoha himself: the Shodai Hokage. His eyes were a deeper shade of brown than his brother's and his hair was jet black and went to the middle of his back.

Determined to not make a fool out of himself anymore today, Naruto asked the question that had been bothering him all day. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN' ON HERE!? One second I'm battling that snake bastard's apprentice. The next thing I know, everyone's a chibi version of themselves, I get locked in a cell that slams me to the floor, and I was trapped in a Genjutsu with this crazy bastard," he pointed at Shinsui, "for more than FIVE HOURS! I demand answers!"

Hashirama's eyebrows had gone up in surprise at how loud this kid was, while Shinsui was biting down on his thumb to keep from busting out laughing. He finally regained his composure and spoke to his brother, "I told ya he was crazy. He says his name is Uzumaki Naruto and that he's from this village. And the kid was actually stripping when I went to go get him. He's obviously insane in the membrane."

"I WAS NOT STRIPPING!" Naruto screamed, stamping his foot on the floor. "I was looking for my necklace I won off the old bat!" It was then he noticed the Shodai wearing his crystal. "How did you get it!? I was with the bastard the whole time!"

Hashirama gazed at the boy questioningly. Why was he claiming the jewel to be his? It had been in the Senju clan for generations. And why was the name Uzumaki vaguely familiar to him? It was time Hashirama asked the questions.

"I don't know where you're getting this information, child, but I've had this crystal since my father gave it to me years ago. And I know for a fact that no ninja named Uzumaki has ever been born in, or become a part of, this village. Just what are you up to?"

"That's what I've been tryin' to figure out," Naruto said pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "You two aren't supposed to be alive, and the Sannin aren't supposed to be that young! Everything's all messed up!"

This shouting match was getting them nowhere. "All right, son," Hashirama said in a calming voice. "Just tell us what happened. Start at the beginning."

Could Naruto really trust these two? He barely knew them at all (one of which he wished he didn't know at all). So could he really trust them?

Deciding to get the truth by telling the truth, Naruto began his tale.

"It all started 13 years ago on October 10th, when the kyuubi attacked Konoha…" Naruto told them everything. From the Yondaime sacrificing his life to save his village, from his horrible childhood growing up, to finding friends and loved ones in his classmates and Iruka, to learning the Kage Bunshin and that the fox was sealed in him.

He told them about his teammates and lazy sensei, and how he learned what it really meant to be a shinobi from Zabuza and Haku. Naruto told them about the chunin exam and its insane proctors, and about Orochimaru's attack on his team, and then the combined invasion of Suna and Oto.

He ended by telling them of going to find Tsunade to become the Godaime, his mastery of the Rasengan, and using it on Kabuto.

By the time he was through, Naruto felt exhausted. He had spoken for two hours straight and needed and glass of water (he would never take a hydro pill again, even if his life depended on it). Hashirama was sitting at his desk again, staring at a blank piece of paper. Shinsui, on the other hand, was bawling his eyes out with anime tears streaming down his face.

"You poor kid!" he sobbed. "Hated because you saved them all!" He then threw open the window and yelled at the top of his lungs.

"YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!! HOW COULD YOU TREAT THE KID THAT WAY AFTER HE SAVED YOUR MISERABLE HIDES?!" The villagers promptly ignored him; they being far too accustomed to Shinsui's weekly shouting rants. A few lucky gamblers had won some money by betting this week he would yell from his brother's office instead of the Hokage monument (with only one face of course).

A vein appeared above Shinsui's head as he closed the window muttering about stupid villagers. Naruto was actually kind of touched that someone like Shinsui could care so much about someone he met just that day.

Hashirama gathered his thoughts and spoke to Naruto. "When I stopped you from killing Orochimaru, I thought I recognized that chakra. So it _was_ from the demon fox."

He got up from his chair and knelt next to Naruto.

"With your permission, I'd like to meet the kyuubi and ask him some questions that I think we both would like to know."

Naruto stared at the Shodai in numb disbelief. Talk to the kyuubi? Was that actually possible without throwing him off a cliff? He nodded his head in confirmation.

Hashirama held out his hand to his brother. Shinsui understood and handed the green gem to him. Hashirama put it over Naruto's head. Both crystals glowed from being so close to each other. "Now just grab my right hand with yours, and the crystal in your left. When I say so, let your chakra combine with it."

Naruto grasped the Shodai's hand with his right and the crystal with his left.

"Ready? Now." Naruto let his chakra flow into the necklace. Both gems began glowing brighter and brighter, while the seal on his belly shined red.

The next thing he knew, Naruto was standing in a dark stone hallway, Hashirama right next to him.

The red clad man smiled at him. "Well…let's go meet a fox."

* * *

Ookami—wolf (Sakumo's code name)

Gomen nasai—I'm sorry

Kutentei Kyoushu—Nine God Assassins

--

Next time on _Back to the Way it Once Was_: Naruto and Hashirama enter the seal and confront Kyuubi who tells how he turned back time and the origins of the biju. But wait a second! Why are there two of him!?

--

Review spotlight: what I'm most interested in hearing your opinions about is my first official fight scene for this story (the chapter 1 fight was from the anime). But feel free to comment on anything else too. And the training match was mainly for me to try my hand at fight scenes, and briefly show the friendship the three share (and maybe a little insight to Orochimaru's insanity?).

Nobody ask why Naruto told the brothers everything and how (or if) they'll change anything. Don't worry; I'll get to that in a later chap. Hasirama and Shinsui will use the info somehow.

And I based Hashirama's attitude toward Shinsui the same that the canon characters have towards Shikamaru. They know he's incredibly smart, but his lazy attitude lessens the effect he could otherwise make.

--

Omake: Shinsui's loss, Shikamaru's gain (thanks to simply Eric for the idea!)

"Ohhh! I can't believe brother is making me throw these away! It's not my fault if those stupid ninja can't handle it!" Shinsui whined as he made his way down the street, a large bag full of hydro pills in his hand. Hashirama had ordered the destruction of the lazy pills until Shinsui figured out how to not make a ninja lazy when they ate one.

But these were perfect super hydrating, strawberry tasting, euphoric inducing pills! He just couldn't throw them away. No, he had to find a safe place to stash them till it was safe.

Shinsui couldn't think of a place right off hand. So he did what he did in order to think: he spun around on the spot seven and a half times, until he felt like throwing up.

"Got it!" he exclaimed, and ran to the ninja academy.

When he helped build the academy, he had installed a secret compartment on the outside incase he ever needed to hide something from his brother.

Shinsui found the secret door and put his bag inside, confident the pills would be safe till he came back for them.

He never did.

(Years later)

".'llbeagoodboy!" said an extremely hyper-active 5 year old Shikamaru. His father had taken him to the academy swing set to play with Ino and Chouji. Now his dad was wishing he brought some sedatives or a muzzle.

The future Ino-Shika-Cho trio was playing hide and seek. Shikamaru dashed into the bushes to hide from his big boned friend.

Panting like a chiwawa in the summer, Shikamaru was really wishing for some water right now. He placed his hand on a section of the academy wall, and low-and-behold, it was a secret compartment!

Intrigued, the ADHD child reached in and pulled out a bag labeled 'hydro pills' in large letters.

"Yay!Watercandy!" he said popping a pill in his mouth.

From that day forward, Shikamaru was never the same.

* * *

Read and review please. Your opinions matter everywhere but in Soviet Russia. (In Soviet Russia, story reviews you!)


	5. Inside the Fire

* * *

Original Chapter Title: _The True Face of Kyuubi_

* * *

I do not endorse the idea, thought, or action of suicide in any way. It goes agains my relegion and I personally see it as the ultimate form of weakness. I only chose this song title because that is what the kyuubi is known for in different legends and fictions. My condolences to any of my readers who have lost friends or loved ones to suicide.

* * *

Welcome to the next exciting installment of _Differnt Past, Different Future_!

For those of you wondering if Kyuubi will be a female pining over the loss of her kits, kill that notion right now. In all my time reading fanfiction, I've never come across a nine-tails like mine. I can only hope that all of you find this to be original too.

You may not agree with the way I portray Kyuubi. I don't care. This is how I envision the great demon.

Now buckle your seatbelts and prepare to have your minds blown away. The ride is starting.

-- (Inside the seal) --

"Something's wrong," Naruto said to Hashirama, "It's not supposed to be like this."

The last time Naruto had visited the inner workings of the seal, there had been puddles on the floor, the air was cool, and it was completely still. But now it was sweltering hot, the air was hard to breath, and there seemed to be pure energy pulsating through the pipes overhead. Looking closely, the pair could actually see the pipes expanding and contracting, as though a heart beat was supplying blood somewhere.

"The kyuubi must have altered the seal somehow," the Shodai said with a worried look on his face.

Naruto glanced at him with fearful eyes. "You mean the fox might be able to escape?"

Hashirama didn't say anything for a few moments. When he did, his voice was uncertain. "I'm not sure. I've never come across a seal like this before. If worse comes to worse, the crystals might be able to do something."

Steeling himself for what was to come, Naruto took the lead down the hallway.

The duo kept walking though the heat until they heard a most curious sound.

"_Heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahh...huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh"_

Naruto scrunched his faced in concentration as he tried to place the sound. To him it sounded like…breathing?

Naruto and Hashirama looked at each other before the blonde took off, sprinting to the origin of the deep inhales and exhales.

"Naruto wait!" Hashirama called after him. He sighed in annoyance at the boy's obvious lack of thinking. When all this craziness was over, he would talk to the boy about planning his moves out in advance.

Naruto never had been one to plan ahead in battle or in his everyday life. Indeed, the most planning he did in the morning was whether to have beef or pork flavored ramen for breakfast.

Panting as he ran full force in the heat, all Naruto could think of doing was forcing answers out of that damnable kitsune.

How he would actually go through with this hadn't actually occurred to him yet.

Naruto nearly broke into a full run when he saw the giant cage looming ahead of him. _Finally! Time to get some answers!_

He skidded to a halt and was about to yell into the sealed cage when he noticed two things. One, the small bit of paper on the bars didn't say 'seal シール' written in black ink. It now had the kanji for 'prison 刑務所' written in red.

And two, the cage was OPENED!!

Naruto nearly had a panic attack right then and there. He kept himself together only by realizing that the opening was just barely big enough for a normal sized man to fit through; nowhere near large enough for the monstrous kitsune.

"Where the hell is the fur ball?" Naruto wondered out loud, noticing that the blackness in the cage made it impossible to make anything out.

He heard hurried footsteps behind him and turned to see Hashirama running to close the distance. It seemed that not even the Shodai was immune to the intense heat, as he was panting and sweating even more than Naruto. Being a wood element user seemed to have its drawbacks.

After he regained himself, Hashirama looked up in amazement at the giant cage.

"So this is where the kyuubi sleeps, huh?" He then saw that the bars had been partially opened. "It hasn't escaped has it?"

Before the blonde could answer, the two ninja were assaulted by an extremely warm and rancid smelling "_huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh" _that almost sent them flying. Well, Naruto was nearly blown away. Hashirama had stuck to the floor with chakra and grabbed the Genin, keeping him from becoming a human kite.

"Thanks," Naruto said gratefully. "No problem," the Mokuton user responded.

Deciding to move before they were sucked into the bars by an inhale, Naruto and Hashirama went to the right side so they could still see the opening and the seal.

After waiting a few minutes to see what would happen, Naruto finally lost what little patience he had.

"All right, enough of this shit!" he screamed. "That bastard fox had better show his face right now!"

As if waiting for that cue, yellow, orange and red lights suddenly exploded into life, both in the cage and outside it, creating the surreal color of a sunset. Hashirama and Naruto were momentarily blinded by it. The lights weren't overly bright, but their birth in the dim area was enough to place spots before their eyes.

"What the hell was that for?" Naruto said in annoyance as he rubbed his eyes.

"I believe that since we are in your seal, the surroundings might respond to your will," Hashirama said as he blinked his vision back to normal. "I'll be sure to look more into this when we're back on the outsi--"

His voice caught in his throat and his eyes went wide. Hashirama could barley believe what he was seeing. In all his years as a ninja, he had never seen anything like what was before him.

Curious, Naruto turned around to see what had the first Hokage so astounded. His face went the exact same as Hashirama's.

Right in front of them, not even 20 feet behind the bars, was an eye. The whole thing was more than twice the size of Hashirama. The iris was pure red and the pupil deepest black and slit like a tiger's. It was more like a coffin waiting to bury you forever.

But what struck Hashirama as odd was that in the picture he had seen of the fox, its eyes were ablaze with unholy fire. And that was just an artist's rendition of it.

Now, however, the eye was empty. No fire, no anger, no sadness.

Nothing.

It was as if the kyuubi was in a coma, completely unaware of the world around it.

Hashirama then began taking in the rest of the kyuubi's form from all he could see. Its fur was an even deeper red than a human could ever create on canvas. The ear seemed more like a gigantic tent than anything. Its mouth could crush the Hokage tower in two with little effort, and the canines were easily more than two feet long.

But the most curious part of the giant's physiology (aside from the nine tails), was that the fur from the top right part of the head to the bottom right of the face was a darker red than the surrounding fur. It was almost as if something larger than the kyuubi had taken a handful of fire across its face, scaring it forever.

Hashirama was brought out of his contemplation on why the beast hadn't healed itself when Naruto suddenly started pounding on the bars.

"Oi! Bastard fox! Get the hell up 'cuz we got some questions that you got the answers to."

Positive that the young ninja was about to be crushed under a giant claw, Hashirama prepared himself to move with the speed that only Kages were blessed with in order to save the foolish blonde.

But the kyuubi did absolutely nothing at all. It just laid there unblinking, and took the kid's harsh words and tone as though it didn't hear him.

_How strange,_ Hashirama thought. _I'm positive that a creature like the kyuubi would at least show some anger at being addressed in such a way. Maybe the alterations to the seal have injured it?_

Naruto was also confused by the kitsune's obvious lack of emotion. When he came to the fox seeking chakra for the summoning jutsu, the kyuubi had at first been mocking of the boy, then impressed at the amount of courage shown by its container.

While wondering about his prisoner's strange lack of attitude, he noticed something strange coming from the kyuubi's mouth.

"What's that?" he asked Hashirama. Looking to where the boy was pointing, Hashirama saw a red mist of what was apparently visible chakra flowing out of the fox's jaw and into a pipe above them.

"It seems to be demonic chakra," Hashirama said hesitantly.

"Why's it doing that?" Naruto asked the Shodai, expecting him to have the answer.

But instead, a male voice from behind them answered Naruto's query.

"The chakra is now going into your body at a more accelerated pace for improved strength, speed, and chakra reserves. But they are _very_ minor improvements; don't want ya gettin' to strong from me alone."

The duo spun around and drew their kunai to face whatever enemy that lay waiting beyond their sight in the shadows.

Seeing their feeble weapons, the voice openly laughed at them. When its chortles were over, the voice spoke again.

"Do you really think your trinkets will harm _me_? Here in a place where reality bends to _my _will?" it mocked.

"Why don't you show yourself and we can discuss things like civilized men?" Hashirama asked, not even knowing if he was speaking to something even remotely human.

The bodiless voice chuckled darkly. "Sorry Shodai," it said with a malicious tone, "but I only need to talk with the blonde right now."

Hashirama suddenly felt like he was on the receiving end of a very fast and large train. One second he was standing next to Naruto, the next he was hurtling backwards very quickly towards a wall that looked very solid.

But instead of being squished by a wall, Hashirama felt as though he had hit jelly. Then he was slowly absorbed into the wall until only his head remained. His mouth was then gagged by a piece of the wall that stretched out like a tentacle.

"Hashirama!" Naruto yelled as the Shodai struggled for release. "Let him go right now!" Naruto hollered at the disembodied voice.

"Sorry kid, but you and I got some things to discuss that don't need interruptin'," the voice said with pure pleasure at the blonde's distress.

Opting to help Hashirama, Naruto began running towards him. But instead of getting closer, the orange clad genin stayed in the same spot as though on a treadmill.

"Let me go, god damn it!" he screamed.

The voice didn't say anything mocking but instead spoke in a low, calming voice. "You wanted answers, didn't ya? Well the only way to get 'em is by following _my_ rules. I've been sealed in your body for 13 years, so it's only fair you listen to me for a few moments."

This statement made Naruto stop dead in his efforts to go anywhere.

Sealed in _his_ body? For _thirteen _years?

There was only one creature he knew of that was like that, and he was sure it was still trapped behind the impressive cage nearby.

"K-k-kyuubi?" he stuttered, sounding very much like Hinata.

If it was possible, the voice gave a chuckle even darker than the ones before it. "Very good. You got it on your first guess. I suppose you're not as dumb as you made yourself out to be."

Then suddenly, something rushed out of the darkness at Naruto, seized him by the throat, and lifted him up.

Naruto could tell from his vantage point that the thing that had him was indeed human. Two arms, two legs, torso and head all connected to each other. But it was the defining features that captured Naruto's attention.

The person holding him was male and was just over 6 feet tall. His muscles weren't overly large, but big enough to put up a decent fight with. He was wearing black baggy pants and a red gi with the kanji for "Inferno インフェルノ " stitched in silver on the back. Two curved scimitars were strapped at both sides of his waist, glinting serenely in the light.

His hair was sandy blonde with thin streaks of red, making it seem like tiger fur. It went to his shoulders, and was cut above the bangs so his eyes weren't hampered.

But his face was one that Naruto would never forget. The left side seemed completely normal, the pupil round and the iris greener than Sakura's could ever be.

The right side, however, was the polar opposite. The canine in his mouth was elongated to a fang and seemed sharp enough to pierce steel. The eye was red and the pupil the same black slit that the giant fox in the cage had. It was an eye that burned with fire from the deepest pits of hell.

But the most notable feature was a horrible burn covering the entire right side from the top of his head, across the eye, and to the bottom of the chin. It was as if this terrifying person before him had someone slap him in the face with flame.

"What's the matter kid?" Kyuubi asked, noticing Naruto's amazed/horrified look. "Not what you were EXPECTING!?"

Naruto gave a gasp as the man tightened his hands around his captive's throat, and slowly began squeezing the life out of him.

-- (Hokage's Office) --

"Bored bored bored bored……bored bored bored bored," Shinsui sang in a soft voice as the silence of the office pressed in around him.

It had been just over 4 minutes since his brother and the annoying kid had gone all stiff and still, and he was BORED OUT OF HIS FREAKIN' MIND!

Twenty-two seconds later, Shinsui decided to go though his brother's pockets to see if there was anything interesting, only to find a couple kunai and a small bag of Miracle Grow.

Writing his brother off as someone desperately in need of getting drunk at a party, Shinsui started rummaging in Naruto's weapon pouch.

After finding a free ramen ticket (that he pocketed for later use, not knowing that Ichiraku hadn't even opened yet), Shinsui found a folded picture of what he could only assume was the gaki's teammates.

Studying the picture, the blue thief nodded in confirmation. Pink haired female, silver haired sensei and scowling emo kid all fit the bill from his earlier tale. He could defiantly tell that the emo-in-training was an Uchiha from the perfect Uchiha Glare number 24 ™ he was directing towards Naruto.

Thinking that if he ever met this stick-up-my-ass kid, he'd introduce him to his own variation of 1000 years of death; one that didn't involve fingers but a lot of water and electricity.

Smiling cruelly at the thought, Shinsui let his eyes wander around until he decided to see if his brother had anything good to read on that giant bookcase of his. Standing before the overly large case, Shinsui decided to just pick a book out at random.

He extended his index finger and began the ancient chant:

"Einy meeny miney moe,

Catch a tiger by the toe,

If he hollers, let him go,

Einy meeny miney moe!

"_Complex Bio-meta Physics and_ _its Underlining Theories," _he said with a small frown as he read the title of the book his finger had landed on. He opted to find one in a language he could understand.

"My momma told me

To pick the very best one

And you are………it!"

He pulled the book out and gazed at the cover. "_Secrets of the Ancient Gods_ huh? Seems like a murder-mystery to me!" he exclaimed as he opened the book to a random page to show off his awesome pwnage deducing/problem solving skills.

"To whom?" you may ask. Only Shinsui knew, and he wasn't telling.

The page on the right was a painting of nine people covered in darkness. Any discernable feature besides their size was impossible to tell. Just from this picture, Shinsui could _feel_ the power the figures had. He could probably only take on two or three in a fight before becoming overwhelmed.

Indeed, the most intimidating person in the middle seemed stronger than the other eight combined. His very posture screamed murder and Shinsui felt a chill creep down his spine.

Tearing his eyes away from the picture, the water master read the text on the left side.

'_Long before the Sage of Six Paths showed us lesser mortals the way of chakra, there existed nine most extraordinary and terrible warriors. Known as the Kutentei Kyoushu, these humans once protected the land from wicked men who raped, plundered, and murdered defenseless villagers. _

_The very elements and fabric of reality were theirs to control. With the nine Assassins guarding the people, peace ruled the land as none dared oppose those who could slay the gods. _

_But darkness exists in the hearts of all men. The Kyoushu soon let anger, greed, and lust take hold of the souls. They turned from loved and respected protectors, to hated and feared monsters. _

_It seemed that their reign of terror would never end and the people would never again know hope. _

_But one day, the Kutentei Kyoushu vanished. All rejoiced as light finally pierced the darkness. _

_But this absence of evil left a void for an even more powerful and destructive terror to fill. The biju, free of the fear of the only ones with any chance to stop them, destroyed villages and took countless lives. _

_In this writer's opinion, the Assassins were by far more kind and merciful than these demons could ever hope to be.' _

"Holy shit," Shinsui silently said to himself.

Humans that actually had enough power to make the tailed demons fear them?

Unbelievable.

If this was true, Shinsui was sure that it would be suicide to go against even _one_ of them. It was very unlikely that any mortal of today could even hope to last a minute against them.

But that was the question, wasn't it? If these Kyoushu were invincible, what happened to them? Did they die of age or sickness?

Or had someone achieved the impossible and killed the god killers?

-- (Kyuubi's chamber) --

Hashirama looked on in horror, his screams muffled as the boy was slowly being killed before him. He absolutely _hated_ being helpless when somebody was suffering, and the sight of the blonde being suffocated made him want to throw up.

_Is this really it? _Naruto thought glumly as his vision faded. _Killed by the very beast I held all my life?_

Just as he was about to black out, Naruto was dropped to the floor and immediately began sucking in great mouthfuls of air, coughing all the while.

"As much as I would like to squeeze your neck until your head popped like a grape," his assailant said, also coughing for some reason, "that pleasure is denied to me by…the forces that be."

Looking up as much as his injured neck would allow, Naruto saw similar finger shaped bruises on Kyuubi's neck as were on his. But his had a nasty yellowish tinge to them, while Naruto's were still red.

The would-be-killer grasped his throat and wheezed, "Even though I escaped the seal, our spirits have been joined so far together that I feel the same pain you feel. Not the most gratifying experience for an immortal."

Without any warning whatsoever, the man's outline was suddenly bathed in white light and he began screaming in pure anguish, as though his very soul was on fire.

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!! I escaped this torture by gaining my demon body! Now you've all returned to torment me yet again!?"

Utterly confused and in the dark at what was going on, Naruto could only look on in amazement as the kyuubi in human form was brought to his knees and began pounding his head on the floor, screaming all the while.

Hashirama was likewise as utterly confused as Naruto. From what he could gather, this person had actually _claimed_ to be the kyuubi, nearly chocked Naruto to death (apparently stopping because he would share a similar fate), and was now being tortured by something seen only to him.

No, torture was to kind a word for what was happening here. This man was being _annihilated_ by whatever mysterious force and struck him.

Had he been a lesser man, Hashirama would have fainted from such a large intake of information in such a short period. But he preserved on, desperate to know more about this madness.

As Kyuubi continued to flail about in agony, the chakra emanating from the giant fox suddenly stopped entering the pipes, twisted around, and flew at the pained man.

Red and white clashed in a beautiful yet powerful show of force. The two colors briefly fought for dominance until the red won out. The crimson chakra enveloped the cowering man and he went limp faster than a puppet with cut strings.

Still Naruto sat in the same spot he had been in for who knew how long. He was honestly afraid of moving in case Kyuubi got up and tried to kill him again. He was just as afraid of staying in the same spot in case said man attacked him again while he was a sitting duck.

Naruto decided the safest bet would be to slowly inch his way to Hashirama to see if he could free him. Together they might be able to get out of here.

He hadn't even moved a centimeter before the red and black clad man was on his hands and knees, pushed himself into the air and did several flips, before landing in front of one very scared Genin.

"Sorry 'bout all that 'trying to kill you' stuff," he said lifting Naruto to his feet and grasping him by the shoulders, all with an insane smile, blood flowing from the self-inflicted wound on his forehead. His hands were griping Naruto so hard that the nails broke skin. Apparently, the kyuubi's blood lust hadn't been quelled, only quieted.

Naruto honestly didn't know what to do. Here he was, in the seal with Hashirama unable to help him in case Kyuubi decided to try to kill him again.

But he also knew that the demon wouldn't hurt him. To Kyuubi, hurting Naruto would be the equivalent of a human downing an entire bottle of Bleach. It might feel good, but the end result would be far from pretty.

Blue eyes stared into red and green for what seemed like hours. Naruto finally broke the silence, as was the norm for him.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Surprising, he didn't shout, scream, or bellow like he usually did. He absolutely meant to of coarse, but found talking in a low voice all he could do.

Kyuubi's grin widened even further, making his single fang seem even longer. "So we've finally come to the Q and A portion of our visit, have we? Well I suppose you've been a good boy and deserve a little treat."

Turing his head to where Hashirama was cemented in the wall, Kyuubi snapped his fingers and the first Hokage was fully absorbed.

Before Naruto could even raise his voice in defiance, the floor between the two separated and Hashirama was suddenly sitting there with a completely flustered look on his face.

"I figured it would be easier to tell both of you at the same time so my story wouldn't be repeated and facts won't get twisted," Kyuubi told the two ninja.

He then waved his hand over his bleeding forehead, causing the blood and would to disappear. Then he sat Indian style on Hashirama's right and motioned for Naruto to sit across from him, so that the three of them were in a circle.

The trio sat in silence with nothing but the breathing of the giant fox behind them to break the quiet. Two had confused and slightly fearful looks on their faces, and the third with an oddly satisfied/evil smile.

Hashirama was the one who had a better vocabulary and could enunciate better, so he took over for Naruto in breaking this most awkward silence.

"Naruto, my brother, and I were hoping that you could divulge information of the highly unusual occurrences that have been happening as of late, oh great Kyuubi-sama" he said in his most political and respectful tone of voice.

The Genin looked as if he was severely constipated, trying to process those big words into smaller, less confusing words. Kyuubi, however, had a sneer on his face at this human's pitiful attempt to impress him.

"You can just shove your political bull shit right back down your pie hole, human," Kyuubi said nastily. "I have neither the patience nor the ability to care at what you call 'formalities.'"

An indignant blush appeared on Hashirama's face at this horrendous insult. Did this man not know who he was? He was the Shodai Hokage, master of the wood element, and considered one of the strongest ninja alive!

He then remembered that this was an age old demon that once had the power to destroy an entire village in a single night, and it was probably best no to antagonize him.

"My apologies, but we just want to know 'what the fuck is going on here' as my young accomplice so delicately put it."

Kyuubi smiled as the conversation was leaning more towards his preferred conversation skills. "Ah yes. Just what _is_ going on? You two are basically wondering how the kid got from his world to this one, right?"

Naruto and Hashirama nodded earnestly.

Kyuubi let out a sigh and began. "None of the following I'm about to explain would be possible without three very important ingredients. The first and most important being me, the second is the catalyst you both wear," the two ninjas glanced at their crystal quizzically, "and the final was the brat almost dying by having his heart cut up."

Naruto made to speak but Kyuubi held up a hand to silence him.

"Interrupt me and you WILL live to regret it, gaki." Kyuubi clenched his hand into a fist and the room grew even hotter as the floor threatened to open up and swallow the blonde nuisance.

"Gomen nasai," Naruto said in an apologetic voice.

The blonde and red haired man unclenched his fist and the floor stilled itself. The heat remained however.

"As I was saying, when the baka battled Kabuto, the medic cut the aorta and the kid was going to die. Since he wasn't accessing my chakra at the time, there was nothing I could do to save him. I resigned myself to face the Shinigami when I found a way to save myself. And the kid too, of coarse." He said the last part as though it was an unimportant constellation prize.

"I found new strength from the catalyst, or the crystal you two wear about your necks. With renewed strength, I combined my chakra with the catalyst's power for it to act as beacon that pulled the kid and I to the closet power like it so that the deadly wound could be healed by such a grand flux of two different powers.

"Unbeknownst to me, the only other crystal like it existed in an alternate timeline; a timeline that basically hasn't caught up with ours yet and minor differences are strewn throughout. The biggest differences, from what I can tell so far, are that you," he pointed at Hashirama, "are still Hokage rather than your brother and your granddaughter and her teammates are still Genin, rather than being Chunin at their current age like they were in our timeline."

Hashirama sat in shock as he absorbed this info. This wasn't just simple time travel like he hypothesized from Naruto's life story. This was actual dimension transfer and the implications could be astronomical!

Before he could truly contemplate the scientific breakthroughs this could bring, Naruto asked a question that should have been asked in the first place.

"But why are there two of you? One out here in human form and the other a giant fox in the cage?"

Kyuubi looked at Naruto and gave that terrifying grin that sent shivers down the Genin's spine.

"That's because I underestimated the catalyst's power. When we jumped dimensions, the power surge was so great, it actually separated my soul from my demon body. It was a true double edge sword. While I am free of the bars, I am still prisoner in your body. And I also have to deal with some…unwanted attention, as you saw earlier," Kyuubi said and gave a small scoff and stood up to walk a few feet away. Naruto and Hashirama stayed seated. "It's like a human prisoner trading solitary for going out in the court yard only to get shived every day."

Kyuubi smiled cruelly while Naruto and Hashirama grimaced at this analogy. The statement of "unwanted attention" brought a new question from Hashirama.

"Just what was that white aura that was torturing you? I didn't anything could hurt a demon--"

Kyuubi interrupted Hashirama with a wave of the hand. "You need not worry about that. It's far beyond mortal understa--"

"--besides the Kutentei Kyoushu?" the Shodai said finishing his question.

Kyuubi's expression instantly turned dark. He looked even more threatening now than he did when they first met him and he tried to kill Naruto.

"The Nine God Assassins," he spat on the floor as though the title was poison in his mouth, "were nothing more than foolish mortals who believed themselves gods because they could control the elements. They were horrible humans who only cared for murder and destruction."

Kyuubi's aura suddenly flickered to white again and his face clenched in pain. Hashirama and Naruto were afraid he would start screaming again until the aura turned to red and the demon relaxed.

He opened his bi color eyes to see the ninja staring at him with curiosity. He gave a low chuckle. "I guess I can't hide it forever. I despise the Kyoushu so much not because I feared them. I HATE THEM BECUASE WE WERE THEM! All nine of the biju were once the Kutentei Kyoushu.

"We each could control a different element, whether it was water, wind, or any of the other seven they were under our control. Mine was the most powerful and destructive element: fire, which explains why it's so hot in here."

Kyuubi paused to let his words sink in. The Shodai at first had an expression of disbelief. Then, ever so slowly, his face contorted into full blown surprise as the full impact of the words hit him.

The kyuubi and the other biju were once human!

This completely destroyed every theory ever thought of about these demons. Entire volumes of books would have to be rewritten because of this.

As though he could read the Hokage's thoughts, Kyuubi spoke up. "I'd rather you not tell anyone else about this. Humans just aren't ready to know the truth about the origins of demons."

Hashirama had a disappointed look on his face as though he was a child that was denied a grand present. But Naruto had a slightly inquisitive look on his.

"What do you mean the origins of demons? You never fully explained how you became a demon if you were once human."

Kyuubi smiled and actually _complimented _Naruto. "Very good brat! Very good! You're becoming much quicker on the update than you used to be. All thanks to me really," he said as he waved his hand towards the cage where the demonic chakra had resumed its trek into the pipes that represented Naruto's chakra coils.

"Long story short, we became over confident and were killed in battle. Don't bother asking by whom, I don't remember." Kyuubi gave a quick look down, like he was reconsidering his words. "Scratch that. It's not that I _don't _remember. It's that I'm physically unable _to _remember."

Naruto and Hashirama glanced at each other with disbelief in their eyes.

"How are you unable to remember?" Hashirama asked. "I mean did you suffer a concussion or have a seal of some sorts place on you?"

Kyuubi shrugged his shoulders. "I honestly don't know. The majority of my memories are still locked away in my body. This is probably to prevent me from the madness I would incur if I really did remember everything.

"I don't even know what my own name is or how I escaped hell. The only things I do remember are that I was once human, I protected people before killing them, had complete control over fire, had an irresistible love of rice balls and dango, and an unfathomable hatred of rings and circles for some reason. Oh, and I'm being tortured by the thousands of people I killed when I was alive."

Naruto and Hashirama nodded in understanding until that last part.

"How are you being tortured by the people you killed?" Naruto asked earnestly.

That familiar dark look came back to Kyuubi's face. "What I mean, brat, is that torture is the very core of what hell is. When you go to hell, it goes so far beyond physical cruelty, it's not even funny. Every single bit of your person is ripped away until nothing but the ability to feel pain is left. You're then stitched back together, molecule by molecule, and then ripped apart again, over and over until you're left screaming for death. But it never comes because you're already dead."

Naruto was horrified by this. He had always been told he was going to hell because of what he held inside him. Always told how much it would hurt. But he never knew it went this far.

"And this best part," Kyuubi continued, "is that it's all done by the people you hurt when you were alive. It doesn't matter if they went to heaven either. They'll just come on down and rip you a new one along with everyone else.

"But it doesn't end there. You stay down there long enough, and you finally go insane. All that was once human is locked away so far, it takes a miracle to get it back. You're left with nothing more than the very core of humanity: the desire to kill. This desire is so strong you're actually physically turned into a demon from the all the hatred and madness as it rebounds into you forever."

Naruto and Hashirama didn't say a word. They had originally come here seeking answers to Naruto's predicament, but had gotten so much more horrible information as well.

The young blonde then spoke up in a quiet voice. "Is that what that white aura was? Souls attacking you in revenge for killing them?"

Kyuubi nodded solemnly. "Yeah, it is. As long as I stay close to my demonic chakra, I'm able to escape the pain and block the souls. If I actually do get my memories back, it may cost my sanity and maybe yours too."

The kyuubi suddenly seemed very tired and weary. "I'm afraid that's all the questions I am able to answer right now. I must regain my strength or risk another attack."

With a wave of his hand, Kyuubi sent Naruto and Hashirama soaring, until they awoke back in the Hokage's office.

* * *

--Omake: This is Madness! --

Naruto and Hashirama hurried down the long corridor to find the kyuubi.

Rounding the corner, the duo suddenly screeched to a halt as they saw what was in front of them.

A giant hole, perfectly round and too deep to see the bottom.

As they wondered why there was a giant hole in the middle of the room, they suddenly heard the footsteps of hundreds of people. Turning around, they nearly freaked out when they saw an army of ripped soldiers in red capes and wielding old fashion swords being led by an extremely muscular man who had sandy blonde hair with red streaks in it. There was a burn running down the right side of the leader's face.

Before either ninja could question their sanity, the leader spoke up. "You come here with the skulls of conquered kings and threaten my people with slavery and death?!"

He suddenly drew his sword and pointed it at Hashirama's throat. Panicking at this hostility, the terrified Shodai cried out, "You're insane! We just got here and haven't threatened anybody!"

The leader lowered his sword with a crazed look in his eye. "Insane? I AM KYUUBI!!" He then kicked Hashirama squarely in the chest in slow motion. Whatever the village founder's last words were couldn't be heard from the time warp.

When he disappeared into the blackness, the scarred man turned his attention toward Naruto. The orange clad genin simply looked at Kyuubi, then into the pit, then back at Kyuubi, then back to the pit.

Deciding to take his chances, Naruto jumped in screaming, "Wait for meeeeeeeee!!" and was swallowed by darkness.

The army did nothing for a few minutes until Kyuubi spoke up.

"Heh heh. I love that movie." He then clapped his hands and focused attention only on him. "All right everyone! What shall we do next?" he asked the crowd. They began yelling suggestions.

"Transformers!"

"Jaws!"

"Indiana Jones!"

"That horror movie with Johnny Depp!"

"You mean Nightmare on Elm Street?"

"No! The one with all the orange midgets!"

"Willy Wonka? That was a family-comedy! Not horror!"

"Well it sure scared the crap out of me!"

--Author's Notes--

Review spotlight: Kyuubi. _Kyuubi_. **K-Yuu-Bi**. I want to know what you thought of his human form and his origins (even though I don't care I still wanna know-lolz). I spent a lot of brain power making him the very best I could, even if I "borrowed" bits and pieces from television. I also want to know what you think about the Kutentei Kyoushu and their 'fall from grace,' as it were.

The reason why Kyuubi could force Takigi away and Naruto couldn't bring him back was because Kyuubi has more influence right now than the blonde.

Before anyone asks, I capitalized Kyuubi whenever referring to him as a name, and "the kyuubi" just as an animal/demon. English is on my side here.

Longer than I thought it would be (SIXTENN PAGES-OMG!). Guess you all are happy about that.

Now let me see dem Rev-you-azz!


	6. Crazy Train

* * *

Original Chapter Title: _The Second Sensei _

* * *

-- (Unknown Location) --

Naruto wanted to scream, but found it impossible. One second he and Hashirama were in the seal, talking to a humanized Kyuubi, learning about his past and how he became a demon.

Now the two of them were freefalling in darkness. Time and direction were impossible to perceive. The only thing they knew was the suffocating blackness, and that they were falling.

The blonde demon container looked at Hashirama and saw the same fear and uncertainty he felt mirrored in the Shodai's eyes. But there was also a small gleam in the older ninja's eyes, as though he knew everything would be all right.

Deciding to trust the First, and his own gut, Naruto readied himself for whatever was to come.

Without any warning whatsoever, the two ninjas were suddenly hurtling away from each other, as though they were launched from a cannon.

-- (Hokage's Office) --

"ONE MORE MINUTE AND I'M DOING SOMETHING DRASTIC!!" Shinsui suddenly screamed, breaking the quiet of his brother's office. He had been by himself (disregarding the living statues in front of the desk) for more than 9 minutes. And the citizens of Konoha knew how dangerous/more insane the designated Nidaime got when he became bored for 10 minutes exactly.

Just as Shinsui was about to do only God knows what, he was forced to dodge out of the way as suddenly the kid shot at him like a bullet and hit the bookcase, while Hashirama was slammed into the heavy oak desk, sending both man and furniture flying.

Shinsui could only stare in amazement at what had been a neat and tidy office mere seconds before, was now a war zone of falling books, scattered papers, and two groaning casualties. He then heard something from the pile of books that Naruto was buried under.

"That Kyuubi…is a fuckin asshole."

"I concur," came Hashirama's voice from behind the overturned desk. Shinsui had to bite his thumb to keep the laughter in for the second time that day when he saw that his brother had an overturned bottle of ink on the top of his head, the contents spilling out and making his face look like the drawing of some emotionless, pale skinned artist.

Hashirama help up a threatening finger to his brother and said, "Not a word, Shinsui. Not. A. Word."

Shinsui un-bit his finger. "Nah, bro. I was just gonna help you out." He then started making hand signs.

Foreseeing the coming danger, Hashirama shook his hands and pleaded, "No wait! Don't do--" He was cut off as Shinsui called out, "**Suiton: Mizutama no jutsu**! (Water style: Water shot)"

A small but powerful stream of water was spat from Shinsui's mouth and hit Hashirama in the face, drenching the Shodai and cleaning the ink off.

Shinsui would have laughed out loud at his brother's pissed off expression, if he wasn't in an office with a wood floor, bookcase, and desk that could be made to do horrible things to him.

Before Hashirama could show his brother the true meaning of One Thousand Years of Pain, a groan from the other side of the room reminded the two that Naruto was still trapped under dozens of books.

The brothers quickly started digging the poor kid out. When they finally got to him, Hashirama and Shinsui were shocked to see a large, bleeding gash of top of Naruto's head where a particularly heavy book had landed.

"Damn kid. We need to get you to a hospital, pronto," Shinsui said with concern in his voice.

"N-no hos-hospitals," Naruto said groggily, cradling his head in his hands. "I-I'll be fine."

Shinsui was about to insist further when Hashirama held up a hand to stop him. Before the snow haired brother could question why, the raven pointed to the blonde's head where red chakra was already at work sealing up the wound.

"Whoa," Shinsui said impressed. "That…………is cool."

"Agreed," Hashirama said as he righted his desk. He then created a wood clone to help him pick up the scattered papers and books. "Go to my washroom and clean the blood out of your hair, Naruto. We've got business to discuss when you're done."

Naruto nodded and went into the small bathroom within the office. Closing the door behind him, Naruto turned the faucet on and began cleansing his hair. He kept his head down, not looking in the mirror because he believed that the combination of red and blonde would cause him to look like someone he really didn't want to think about right now.

When he believed himself finished, Naruto turned off the water and grabbed a towel. Drying himself off, the blonde's thoughts went back to what the kyuubi had said after trying to kill him.

"_Even though I escaped the seal, our spirits have been joined so far together that I feel the same pain you feel. Not the most gratifying experience for an immortal."_

If that was true, then was physical pain all he could feel?

Or could he get in Naruto's head and mess around with his thinking process?

"_Very good brat! Very good! You're becoming much quicker on the update than you used to be. All thanks to me really," he said as he waved his hand towards the cage where the demonic chakra had resumed its trek into the pipes that represented Naruto's chakra coils._

Now that he thought about it, thoughts were coming through much clearer than they had been. He was able to understand Hashirama's big words after he processed 'em for a while, and his mind wasn't solely focused on one thing.

He briefly debated on whether or not to go to Hashirama with his fear that the demonic human was messing with his head. He decided that he would wait and see before bothering the Hokage with this.

Looking in the mirror, Naruto let out a sigh of relief when he saw that his hair didn't have any red in it. As he put his hand on the knob to let himself out, he stopped when he heard his name mentioned. Putting his ear to the door, he listened to the conversation.

"--Naruto needs to be placed with someone trustworthy," came Hashirama's voice.

"But I still don't see why it has to be this way. He almost killed Orochimaru! Do you really think they'll accept him after that?" Shinsui retorted.

There was a pause. "That is why I am enacting the Geminus Magister protocol. Now Naruto will not only be placed on a genin team with a jounin sensei, but another jounin will act as an extra tutor whenever time allows and help explain that little incident."

An even longer pause this time before Shinsui spoke up. "The two teacher thing, huh? Well that'll be interesting. So who's gonna be the poor sucker that gets chosen for annoying brat duty?"

"I've got someone in mind," Hashirama said with a smirk in his voice. Looking to the door, the Shodai addressed Naruto. "You can come out now, kid."

Grinning sheepishly, Naruto exited the bathroom. "I guess trying to spy on two Kage level ninjas was a bad idea, huh?"

Shinsui only nodded and Hashirama said, "Not only that, but it was a wooden door. All wooden objects around share a kind of special connection to me."

Grinning mischievously, Shinsui asked, "Does that include morning--gaahh!!" He was hit with a heavy clock thrown by Hashirama before he could finish his question.

Naruto sweat dropped at this behavior. Where these really two of the most powerful ninjas known to Konoha? Could this all just be one giant dream or prank?

A prank of this caliber seemed way to far fetched, and he was 100 percent sure this wasn't a dream from all the pain that had been inflicted on his person since arriving.

The faint finger outlines on his throat were proof enough that pain was indeed real.

He was brought out of his musings when Hashirama started talking again.

"On to business. I have decided to place you in genin squad number 3, with Sarutobi Hiruzen as jounin sensei. You already know Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and my granddaughter from your timeline, but this will give you a chance to get to know them here. You will also be assigned and extra jounin sensei who will first evaluate your skills and later teach you privately after missions and training with your teammates. Any questions?"

"Yeah, just three," Naruto said. "Who is Sarutobi Hiruzen? What am I supposed to tell them as to why I attacked Orochimaru? And who's my other sensei?"

"Sarutobi Kisho is the one you knew as the Sandaime. Didn't you ever find out his first name?" Shinsui asked.

"Huh," the blonde said intrigued. "I guess I never did. Always meant to."

Hashirama to a deep breath and started. "As to what you will tell them on why you tried to kill Orochimaru, you and your extra sensei will say you were under the influence of a very powerful enemy seal that forcibly opened up your chakra gates, resulting in the huge power you had, and made you infiltrate the village and try to kill one of our most promising genin.

"I want you to say you were raised in Tanzaku Gai since you've been there…will go there…whatever. You know the basic layouts of the city so that'll make you're story more believable. You always wanted to become a ninja but couldn't go to a hidden village. So a kind old hermit named Shigeru Kayama took pity on you and trained you in the basic ninja arts.

"You were on your way here to partake in the genin exams when you were ambushed by an unknown ninja who planted the seal on you. The last thing you remember is waking up in the prison where Shinsui and I removed the seal and received your 'life' story.

"Did you get all that?" the Shodai finished, looking at Naruto. He had expected the blonde to have a dumb struck look on his face, but to his great surprise, Naruto nodded.

"Tanazuka Gai, learned from Kayama-sensei, came here to take exams, got jumped, got seal, great power. That about sum it up?" he said with a smile.

The two brothers looked at each other in surprise. Was this really that little dunder head of a ninja they had met earlier that day?

"That's actually pretty impressive, kid. I didn't expect a blonde dunce like you could remember all of that," Shinsui said in an impressed/amused tone.

Naruto then did something completely unexpected.

He actually _growled _at Shinsui. A deep, menacing growl that sounded more animal than human, with his lip rising to bare his teeth.

Both the Hokage and his brother tensed in case Naruto pulled a repeat of attacking Shinsui like he did on the way up to the office.

But instead, the blonde just scowled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well I guess I'm just a bit smarter than you give me credit for," he snapped.

The brothers relaxed with Naruto now calm. It honestly wouldn't be a fair fight. Even with the kyuubi's chakra adding to his strength, the blonde couldn't hope to take on both of them.

Naruto gave a strained smile. "Sorry about all that. I'm just a bit testy from all the shit that's been happening to me. Almost dying, being thrown into an alternate timeline, getting trapped in a genjutsu with that crazy bastard for 5 hours and _then_ nearly getting choked to death by a demon in my belly has really fried my nerves."

"Understandable," Hashirama said. "But don't do that around your teammates; they're already hesitant of you. Don't want to turn that into full blown hostility."

"And it'll scare all the hot, little _mamacitas _away, my little _estupido_," Shinsui said in a Spanish accent.

Naruto and Hashirama stared at the gray haired enigma until the latter spoke up. "I didn't know you spoke Spanish."

"Since I'm gonna be the next Hokage, I figured it would be good to learn another language. And I thought it might as well be the language of love," Shinsui said with a devious smirk.

"That's French, not Spanish you idiot," Naruto said.

Giving a small shrug, Shinsui said, "_Vivant et laissent apprennent_," in perfect French.

"Anyway," Hashirama said before Naruto and his brother could piss each other off more. "You asked about your second sensei."

Naruto turned his full attention to the Shodai, not wanting to miss a single speck of information.

"Your second sensei is one of the strongest jonin in the village. He was a pivotal factor in the Senju clan's victory in the First Great War. Without him, there is no doubt that Konoha would not be the pillar of strength it is known as today. Even though he is a sight to behold on the battlefield, his personality does lack finesse. If you are able to learn from him, I have absolutely no doubt that you will quickly rise through the ranks of ninja."

Naruto was practically bouncing out of his sandals after hearing that. Learning from both the future Sandaime and this powerful ninja? The position of Hokage was practically a guarantee now!

"Who is he? I can't wait to learn some powerful jutsu!" Naruto said, looking like he was about to burst with excitement.

An evil smirk made its way across Hashirama's face. "He's standing right beside you."

Looking around, Naruto only saw Shinsui standing there. "I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of each other from now on, eh kid?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Naruto's cry of terror carried out all the way to the very edges of Fire country, where sat two ninjas in cloaks the color of rust and clay, tinged around the edges with navy and purple. Embossed on the cloaks were white half-suns and sharp crescent moons. They were taking a break from walking. Both had a headband with the Mist symbol slashed through, marking them as missing Nins from Kiri.

"Did you hear that?" the male said, as he finished drinking from a water bottle he always carried with him. His hair was pale gray and went to his shoulders, and his teeth were pointed like a shark's. A long pole with each bulbous end covered in wrappings lay near his side.

His female partner gave him a questioning look. "No I didn't." She stood up and stretched. Her hair was jet black and done in a neat bun on her head. Her eyes were icy blue and held a lustful kind of mischief as she looked at the male. "Museifu-sama will be displeased if we don't finish our mission on time. So let's hurry and we can continue our fun from this morning," she said with a suggestive wink. She then started to walk away with a little sway in her hips.

An excited blush came to the man's cheeks. He grabed his sword and got up very quickly. "Coming, my little oyster!" he said, running after her.

-- (Back in Konoha) --

"NO WAY IN HELL!!" Naruto screamed, making an X with his arms. "I would rather have a nefarious sack of eel intestines as a sensei than him!!"

A large vein was forming over Hashirama's brow, showing how pissed off he was getting at the blonde. Shinsui, however, just put his hands in his pockets and started for the door.

"Oh, well. It's not like I actually wanted to teach you my plethora of powerful jutsus anyway."

Naruto's ears perked up. "Powerful jutsus?" he asked, trying not to look interested but failing.

"Oh yeah," Shinsui said nonchalantly. "I hardly know anything below C class, so it's just B, A, and S class galore. But if you're not interested, I'll just go fishin' or somthin." With that he closed the door behind him and made his way downstairs.

Naruto stared at the door for a full 30 seconds before looking back at Hashirama. The Shodai stared back, not saying anything. The jinchuuriki looked at him, then at the door, then at him, then at the door.

Before you could say 'Miso ramen with fish cake on top,' Naruto was gone in a flash and slammed the door behind him.

Hashirama chuckled. "Uzumaki Naruto, eh?" he said as he gazed out the window. "Things are going to be a lot more interesting with him around."

xxx

"Yo, Shinsui! Wait up!"

Shinsui halted his trek down the stairs when he heard Naruto's voice. With a small grin on his face, he turned to watch the boy nearly trip as he rushed down the spiral staircase. Naruto stopped a few steps above him to catch his breath.

"After thinking about it, I decided that having you for a sensei wouldn't be so bad. The only three senseis I've ever had were all perverts. And from what I learned about you, you're pretty strong. So I decided to do you the honor of having me as a student," he said with a grin.

Shinsui smiled and made his way to the ground floor. "My training will be tough and hard. Out of all three of my genin, Kisho-kun was the only one not to quit being a shinobi or get locked away in the asylum. Do you still think you can handle it?"

"Yes I do," Naruto said with a confirming nod.

"All right kid. Let's go see what you're made of." And with that, Shinsui flung open the doors to Konoha.

* * *

**Geminus Magister--Two teachers**: protocol created by the Shodai Hokage in which a genin, with expressed permission, may receive a second sensei for extra training.

xxx

Omake: The Sharpei and the Most Annoying Word

As Naruto and Shinsui made their way to the training area, both ninjas could suddenly sense that they were being watched.

Looking around, they saw dark shapes darting through the trees. They drew their kunai in case of attack.

They suddenly felt a presence behind them. Turning around they were in the shadow of an antlered man that stood over 12 feet tall, was dressed in an extremely long robe, and had a helmet on his head.

"NI!" he said. An echo of "NI!" followed from the smaller ones.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked the large man blocking their path.

"We are the knights who say………….NI!"

"No! Not the knights who say Ni," Shinsui said with a horror struck look on his face.

"The same!" tall one said.

"Who are they?" Naruto asked Shinsui.

The tall one answered. "We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni! Pang! And Neeeeeewhomp!"

The shorter ones echoed the sacred words.

"Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!" Shinsui told Naruto in a panicked whisper.

"The knights who say Ni demand a sacrifice," the tall one said.

Shinsui tried to pity their way out. "Knights of Ni, we are but simple ninjas who seek the training area just beyond these woods."

His plea fell on deaf ears as the leader and his followers responded, "NI! NI! NI! NI! NI! NI! NI! NI!" as Shinsui and Naruto covered their ears in pain.

The tall leader stopped this horrendous torture by holding up his hand and addressing the blue clad ninja.

"We shall say 'NI!' again to you, if you do not appease us."

"What do you want?" Naruto asked.

"We want………a puppy!" (Insert loud, scary noise)

Shinsui briefly looked around for the source of the sound before asking "What kind of puppy?"

"A Sharpei. We simply adore those cute little flaps of fur and skin they have," Tall One responded.

Naruto and Shinsui looked at each other as they silently agreed to escape once they were far enough. "All righty then, good knights. Me and my associate shall just go and get your Sharpei for you," Shinsui said.

"NI! I mean NAY!" Tall one said. "You shall stay here while the child gets our puppy for us!"

Naruto gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine. I'll go get your freakin puppy if it means we can get out of here."

As he started walking back to Konoha, Tall one called after him.

"One that looks nice!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"And not too expensive!"

"I got it!" Naruto said, now running.

When he was gone, Tall One looked down at Shinsui.

The future Nidaime smiled nervously and asked, "Know any good jokes?"

(30 minutes later)

Naruto came back to the clearing with a small, furry, nice-but-not-too-expensive Sharpei puppy.

"All right Knights who say Ni! I got your puppy! I had to do things that will probably scar me emotionally for life, but I got it!"

Looking around, Naruto neither saw nor heard those annoying knights or Shinsui.

"You were quite right, blue man. These Roman Candles are fun!"

Turning a full 180, Naruto saw the knights and Shinsui holding Roman Candle fireworks in their hands and shooting the explosives at any bug, lizard, rock, tree, or snail that moved. One unfortunate knight set himself on fire and all his fellows did to put him out was scream "NI!" Surprisingly enough, it worked.

"Yo!" the blonde said to get their attention.

"Excellent! You have returned with our pizza," Tall one said hungrily.

Naruto sweat dropped. "Pizza? You said you wanted a Sharpei puppy!"

Tall one's face became flustered and red. "We most certainly did not! NI! NI!"

"Enough!" Shinsui yelled before the others could join. "I've had enough of your stupid Ni-ing. And you wasted all my fireworks! This travesty can only be delt with a word even more annoying than Ni!"

"Gasp!" Tall one gasped. "Surely you don't mean…?"

"I do mean! ACK!!" He said, sounding like an extremely annoying alien from Mars. "ACK ACK!"

"Noooooooo!" Not that word!" Tall one pleaded as he and his underlings shrunk back in terror.

"Ack Ack! Ack Ack Ack!" the gray haired man continued.

"We shall return for our revenge!" Tall one said in an echoy voice as the Knights disappeared into the woods.

Looking extremely satisfied, Shinsui turned to Naruto.

"What's with the Sharpei?"

xxx

My apologies for the lack of action, romance, or anything else you might have wanted. This was a filler at best; one that I used for character development. It just didn't have anything too important that I wanted to write. When I really get into it (like last chapter) I can write over 12 pages. This one was just hard to get out. But the omake came real easy for some reason.

My thanks to 50caliberchaos who betad for me. He really helped out with ideas and writing style. (Check out his stories if you want a really good read)

And a big thank you to dachshundboy, who kept kicking me in the ass to get on this thing and write it. He also had some pretty good ideas and translations for me.

I got the origin of demons from _Supernatural_ and Kyuubi's burn was inspired from Mello from _Death Note_. Or Prince Zuko from _Avatar the Last Airbender. _Whatever.

And as always, leave a review _por favor_.


	7. Thunderstruck

This chapter brought to you by Death playing an electric guitar.

* * *

Original Chapter Title: _Trial by Thunder_

* * *

--Konohagakure--

"CONSTANT VIGALLANCE!!" Shinsui screamed as he punched Naruto full on in the face. Unsurprisingly, the blonde was taken by complete surprise as his new sensei's fist sent him flying to the ground.

Naruto lay in the dirt in shock. Not five seconds ago, Shinsui had opened the doors leading from the Hokage tower to the village, and then with no warning whatsoever, yelled and sucker punched Naruto square in the face. He was momentarily afraid he had brain or spine damage.

But then he felt a familiar spark of red chakra move to his damaged cranium and he stood up, completely healed.

"ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE!?" Naruto howled at the blue clad man. "YOU COULD'VE KILLED OR PARALYZED ME, YOU CRAZY BASTARD!"

Shinsui put his finger in his ear to make sure his eardrums hadn't popped. Satisfied that they hadn't, he turned around and started walking in the opposite direction, motioning for the blonde to follow him.

Muttering to himself that he wished he could instead roast the crazy white haired bastard over an open fire, Naruto jogged to catch up to him. When Naruto fell in line behind him, Shinsui started speaking again.

"In the ninja world, an attack could come at any time. You must always be on the lookout for danger hidden in the norm."

"I wasn't expected to be attacked in my own village like that," Naruto growled as he rubbed his still sore cheek. "And especially not from you."

"True," Shinsui said, "but weren't you attacked by Orochimaru during the, supposedly, secure part of the second Chunin exam in your timeline?"

Naruto didn't answer. He knew Shinsui was right, but didn't dare give him the satisfaction of knowing that. He just scoffed and turned his head while still following his sensei.

"And the reason I hit you," Shinsui said as he stopped and did a full 180 to face Naruto, who barely stopped in time to avoid him, "was to show you that, whilst under my tutelage, you are never safe. Every time you eat, every time you sleep, every time you change your dirty socks, you must be prepared for a surprise attack from me or anyone else I can convince/bribe to help me. Because of your healing abilities, I can have a whole lot more fun with you than I could anyone else," he said with an insane grin. "On a real mission, you won't even be able to hear a squirrel innocently snap a twig without thinking it's an enemy out to kill you. With the training I'm about to put you through, you'll die a happy old man."

Naruto wondered if it was too late to be transferred to another village, or at the very least get a new sensei.

Shinsui turned back around and set forth on his earlier path. "Come on, kid. I want to show you around this _new _village so you won't get lost!"

Naruto merely shook his head in exasperation before following Shinsui.

* * *

The blue clad water master first led him through the residential district, where Shinsui showed Naruto the varying designs of houses and apartments. Naruto briefly noted the fact that in the place where his crappy, little apartment was in his time was a small shack that sold sushi on the bottom floor and had the living quarters on the second.

Shinsui then took Naruto to see the shopping district where the blonde marveled at the fact that none of the small stands selling food items were tossing their products at him and calling him a demon. It was a feeling he'd have to get use to, he reminded himself. This was a brand new time line; a brand new chance to start over. He would have cried had he not been in the middle of a busy marketplace and had the haunting suspicion that Shinsui would string him up by his ankles to the top of a flag pole if he did shed tears.

Naruto eyed a weapons shop with the words _Itsutsu's Weapons for All Occasions_ written on the window and decided to check it out. Shinsui was busy ranting about rising food prices and how Konoha could stop it by growing their own food instead of buying from other lands anyway.

A small bell sounded overhead as Naruto entered. He was briefly struck dumb as he gazed at the shear magnitude of weapons available. Swords of every kind and design, bows and arrows, poles, chains, hammers, shuriken, kunai, senbon, scythes, and so much more. Everything was well polished and looked ready to be used at a moment's notice.

"Be with you in just a moment!" a voice said from beyond a curtain behind the checkout desk. A few seconds later, a young woman about ten years older than Naruto stepped out. She had mahogany brown hair done in two short pig tails on either side of her head and chocolate brown eyes.

She took off a soot covered apron and hung it on a hook to show that she wore a blue Chinese style long sleeve shirt that had a ferocious looking animal on the front. It was almost like a dragon, but the feet were hooves instead of claws and it had a fiery mane. The young woman smiled as she looked at the potential customer. "Hello sir, and welcome to Itsutsu's. My name is Nanatsu. How may I help you?" she said in a pleasant tone.

"I don't really know, ma'am," the blonde said as he scratched the back of his head. "I've never really had any weapons training besides shuriken and kunai combat, so I really don't know if any of these weapons would suit me."

Nanatsu's grin widened further. _A weapon virgin, eh? Perfect. _"That's the beauty of weapons," Nanatsu said excitedly. "You don't have to have any prior training with them whatsoever and you can train yourself to master them. We have weapons from nearly every elemental country and beyond, so more than likely you'll find something you like…or maybe something will find you," she said in a cryptic smile.

_Something will find me? Is everyone in this timeline crazy? _Naruto thought. "You haven't taken a pill given to you by a crazy, blue wearing dude have you?" he asked her.

"No, I haven't. Why?" Nanatsu asked while blinking in confusion.

"No reason." To cover up the awkward silence that was sure to follow, Naruto pointed to a weapon made of a sharp blade attached to a long pole and asked what it was.

"That's called a naginata," Nanatsu explained. "It's more popular amongst samurais and women since the long pole can keep stronger enemies at bay where their upper body strength can't be used."

"Huh," Naruto said. Deciding to learn as much as he could before Shinsui found him, he asked another question. "What about that chain with a scythe on it?"

Nanatsu picked up the gold colored weapon and held it in front of Naruto. "This is called a kusari-gama and it's an incredibly useful weapon. You use the weight on the end of the chain to wrap around the enemy's weapon, arms, legs, or neck to keep them at bay while rushing in with the sickle for a killing blow.

Just don't use it in a confined area or else you can't use the chain to its full potential. Yamada Shinryukan was said to be the greatest master of the kusari-gama and could defeat any sword or spear wielding opponent. Unfortunately, he was lured into a bamboo grove by Araki Mataemon, wasn't able to use the chain, and was thusly killed horribly."

Naruto thought this kusari-gama to be the perfect weapon for him since he was a close ranged fighter and began reaching into his pocket for Gama-chan when he realized he forgot it in the hotel room back in his time.

"That's a really cool weapon and I'd really love to buy it, but I don't have any cash," Naruto said with a down trodden look.

_Awww. He looks like a little baby fox with those big eyes and cute whisker marks. I'm sure grandma wouldn't mind if I…_"Well it just so happens we're having a first-ever-weapon-free-of-charge give away, and I think this kusari-gama just found its new owner," Nanatsu said.

Naruto couldn't believe his luck. A free weapon! "Wow thanks, Nanatsu-chan! That's totally cool! My name is Naruto Uzumaki by the way," he said as he reached for the kusari-gama…only to draw his hands away in pain as a wooden cane smacked both his and Nanatsu's hands, causing the kusari-gama to fall to the counter.

"Nanatsu!" the old woman to whom the cane belonged to said in a screechy tone. The elder woman was no higher than 3 and a half feet tall, wore a blue robe, and had wispy white hair that went down to her waist. "How many times must I tell you: no giving away weapons just because you think the customer looks cute!"

The brown haired woman quickly bowed to the elder. "Gomen nasai, Obaasan! He just looked too adorable for me to resist!"

Naruto blushed as he was described this way. _I've always thought I've been good lookin, but adorable? _"Please don't be mad at Nanatsu-chan, ko-touji (old lady). It's my fault for comin in here without any money," the demon container said to try to appease the woman's wrath.

He was awarded, however, with a mighty -crack!- as the old woman slammed her cane over his head.

"I'm not old, you stupid brat! I'm only 86 years young and can kick your whippersnapper ass any day of the week!"

"Kuso!" Naruto hissed as he grabbed his head felt a large lump forming. Just as quickly, however, he felt the bruise receding as well as an echo of a growl come from somewhere. He then felt his anger quickly rise and the want to rip this foolish old flesh bag in half for assaulting him like that bubbled in him like lava.

That feeling was quickly replaced by horror when he then realized that it was the Kyuubi who wanted that, not him. It seemed as though the bastard demon was messing with his thoughts more than he realized.

Before he could ponder this revelation further, the old woman spoke up again. "Even if you did have the money to buy it, you couldn't handle this weapon anyway."

Indignation quickly overtook the blonde. "Oh yeah, chiisai-baba (tiny hag)? What makes you say that?"

"One," she said holding up a long and boney finger, "I am Itsutsu and own this shop so I can tell which weapon a person would be best suited for (I doubt any weapon would be good for you, never mind the complex kusari-gama) and two, that weapon was made in the ancient city of Maibu."

Nanatsu gave a gasp and covered her mouth at this, as though a great and terrible secret had been revealed.

Looking curious as to why it should matter where the weapon was made, asked, "So what? If this village is so great, why ain't I ever heard of it?" He forgot that this was a different dimension all together and Maibu may or may not have existed back in his.

Itsutsu gave a condescending grin. "It's a big deal because the people of Maibu were master craftsmen who created wondrous weapons that were said to actually be sentient and thusly chose their master instead of the other way around. Some weapons bestowed great powers upon their wielders such as inhuman strength and speed, while others drained the very life energy from those who held it, till they became prematurely old and died."

She looked to the kusari-gama on the counter. "That weapon has showed no supernatural powers whatsoever, which is why I keep it out in the store, just in case its true owner comes along to claim it. You, unfortunately, aren't that destined owner which is why I can't let you have it."

"Why you miserable old--" Naruto said as he raised his fist at the old woman, only to be yet again interrupted as Shinsui's voice called out, _"¡Vigilancia constante!"_ and Naruto was roundhouse kicked into a cabinet of old samurai armor.

"You do NOT sneak off when I'm talking to you!" Shinsui said as he pointed an angry finger at the almost unconscious jinchuuriki. "I could've been saying something extremely important of why strawberry yogurt is better than blueberry and you wouldn't have--"

"SENJU SHINSUI!!" Itsutsu shrieked loudly as her granddaughter hurriedly helped Naruto up. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, COMING IN HERE AND KICKING PEOPLE IN MY STORE!? If that brat broke anything at all, it's coming out of your pocket!"

"Don't yell at me like that ya crazy, old banshee!" Shinsui said as he held his ears in pain. "I'm four freakin' feat away!"

"Why you ungrateful brat!" Itsutsu said indignantly. "I changed your diapers when you're poor, sickly grandmother, gods rest her soul, couldn't. I then took it upon myself to train you in the ninja arts. And all you've done to pay me back over the years is be an annoying pain in the ass! Why couldn't you be more like your brother, Hashirama? He's always so sweet and kind; unlike you," she said in a venomous tone.

"Well let's just count the reasons I despise you why don't we?" Shinsui said as he raised his fingers. "When I was 6, you were constantly using me as target practice to sharpen your shuriken throwing skills; when I was 9, you tied a rock to my ankle and threw me in a lake to teach me how to swim; and let's not forget my personal favorite, putting raw meat in my pockets when I was 12 and letting a BEAR chase me around for six hours! I was miserable when you came around! I honestly don't see how you've survived for so long with all that hate you have inside you!"

"And it's thanks to that training that you've become such a powerful ninja," Itsutsu immediately countered. "My methods maybe harsh, but you can't argue with my results. Thanks to the shuriken practice, you become speedy and agile. Because of the lake incident, you discovered your unnatural talent over water. And due to the bear chasing you for so long, you used that to increase your stamina. Admit it; without me, you'd be nothing but a non-descript ninja who has a famous brother," Itsutsu said as though this was the finisher to the argument.

Shinsui only stood there and spluttered in anger. Both he and the old hag knew that without her training he might not be as strong as he was today, but he defiantly would've had a happy childhood.

"Come on kid, we're leaving," Shinsui said as he grabbed Naruto by the arm. "I still got to gauge you in a spar before I introduce you to your new teammates."

"Bye Nanatsu-chan," Naruto said as he was drug out of the store. "Thanks for tryin."

"See ya later, cutey!" Nanatsu said with a wave. "Come back and see me some time!"

Itsutsu sighed at her granddaughter's behavior. She knew the girl had no sexual or romantic feelings to the blonde boy. It was just her obsession with cute things or people that made her make unnecessary choices.

Sending Nanatsu to clean up and repair the broken cabinet, Itsutsu turned to pick up the kusari-gama…but to here surprise it wasn't there. Thinking back to when Shinsui had showed up to the point where he and the boy left, she was positive neither of them had gone near the weapon. She asked her granddaughter if she had picked it up. "No, Granny," Nanatsu said as she separated wood, glass and armor.

Pondering this strange development, Itsutsu turned to the door when she heard the bell ring. "Hello and welcome to Itsut--" she stopped when she noticed no one had entered the store. It might have been her old age finally catching up to her, but she could have sworn she saw a small flash of gold at the floor leaving the shop through the closing door.

* * *

Shinsui led Naruto to a very familiar place: training ground number 7. The blonde looked around in astonishment as he remembered his Genin survival test Kakashi had put him, Sakura, and Sasuke through.

The crystal blue lake where Naruto had landed after Kakashi sexually assaulted him. The three posts where he had been tied up after being the worst in not getting a bell. And there was the tree he was strung up to when he fell for Kakashi's trap, though it was much smaller now.

Ahh good times.

Naruto was brought out of his pleasant (yet painful) reminiscing when Shinsui spoke up. "All right kid. Before we begin, I want you to name all the disciplines that a ninja must use in order to be successful."

Cocking his head sideways as he racked his brains, Naruto remembered all those lessons that Iruka had pounded into his skull.

"Easy," he said with a cocky grin. "The three disciplines are ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu."

"WRONG!!" Shinsui said as he, yet again, roundhouse kicked Naruto in the head and sent him crashing to the ground.

"Why do you keep doing that!?" Naruto yelled as he held his head in pain on the ground.

Using a long pointer to point to a chalkboard that appeared out of nowhere, Shinsui went into lecture mode. "The best teacher in the world is pain, but I digress. There are actually 18 disciplines to the ninja arts. So pay attention cuz I'm not going back over them."

Naruto sat up straight and zeroed in his attention span to what Shinsui was about to explain.

"The eighteen elements of ninjutsu that you will learn are as follows: Seishin-teki kyōyō (spiritual refinement), Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, Bojutsu, Shurikenjutsu, Sojutsu (spear fighting), Naginatajutsu (naginata fighting), Kusari-gamajutsu (kusari-gama fighting), Kayakujutsu (pyrotechnics and explosives)."

Shinsui paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "Hensōjutsu (disguise and impersonation), Shinobi-iri (stealth and entering methods), Bajutsu (horsemanship), Sui-ren (water training), Bōryaku (tactics and analysis), Chōhō (espionage), Intonjutsu (escaping and concealment), Tenmon (meteorology), and finally, Chi-mon (geography).

"Each one of these arts in vitally important in order to survive the obstacles that a ninja will face in his lifetime; you will train long and hard in each of these, so that no matter what you're up against, you will be ready. It is always better to be over prepared than under.

"Any questions?" Shinsui asked looking to Naruto who appeared very dazed and confused at all that he was supposed to learn. He hadn't even heard of half of them back in the academy! How did Shinsui expect him to master all of those?

"Yeah…uh…just how the hell do expect me master all of those arts? Wouldn't it be better to focus on the most useful ones and not learn the useless ones like bajutsu, tenmon, and chi-mon? I really doubt if I'll ever need those."

"Oh really?" Shinsui said in a fake confused tone. "Well, what if you find yourself facing an enemy battalion of horse riding samurais, and your only hope of not being overwhelmed was to fight them on their terms—riding a horse?"

"I could use a Doton to trip the horses--"

"Unless the samurais have prepared for that and taught their steeds to jump or evade," Shinsui countered.

Naruto tried another argument. "Well what about meteorology and geology? Those seem unneeded."

"So you're saying that if I blindfolded you and dumped you a hundred miles away in the forest and just told you to find your way back without a compass, you could do it purely on instinct with no need to look at the land or sky at all?" Shinsui said scathingly.

The blonde's cheeks were starting to turn red from anger. "I'm just saying that's too fuckin' much to learn! You honestly can't expect me to master all of those, do you?" Naruto said as he angrily waved at the board.

Shinsui sighed heavily. "Have you never heard the expression 'jack of all trades, master of none, though oft sometimes better than one'?" Getting a negative response, the Jounin explained. "It means to have a basic to medium understanding of a wide variety of skills instead of mastering just one.

"Take me for example. I have a mastery over water jutsus, but if ever I went up against an earth master, I'd be boned big time. That is why I am extremely proficient in lightning techniques too. Of course I also have plenty of fire, wind, and earth jutsu just in case. That way, whatever enemy I'm up against, I have a better chance of winning by knowing many instead of mastering one. The same goes with the 18 disciplines. I'm not asking you to master all of them; just one or two and still be proficient at the others."

Understanding finally lit up in Naruto's eyes. "It's like eating only pork ramen! If you do that, you'll never understand the true joy you get from beef and chicken!"

Shinsui smiled at the boy's unique analogy. "You get it how you get it, I suppose," he said as he kicked the chalkboard toward the lake, where it promptly disappeared below the surface with a splash. Naruto looked at him quizzically and Shinsui answered that he didn't want it damaged in their spar.

Taking this as a cue to get ready, Naruto immediately put a good 30 feet between him and his sensei. He then took the battle stance Iruka had helped him develop when the other academy teachers did their best to ignore him. Shinsui, however, took a stance that Naruto was greatly unfamiliar with. His knees were only slightly bent and his left arm was kept low to his body while his right was raised so that his hand was only six inches away from his head. Both arms were in a constant wavy motion, reminding Naruto of waves from the ocean.

"I call this style Odayaka Enkai Nagare-ken (Gentle Ocean Current Fist). Come at me if you wish to see how it works," Shinsui said with a taunting grin. As each combatant sized his opponent up, both were unaware that they were being watched.

Instead of charging straight in as per his usual style, Naruto stayed back and weighed his options. _When I underestimated Kakashi, he kicked my ass. This guy is probably even stronger, and his punches and kicks are nothing to laugh at. He's also got that Raijin blade. I haven't seen him attack with it yet, so I don't know if it can projectile lighting. I'll play it safe for now._ **"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" **Naruto cried and 25 shadow clones popped into existence. "Let's get him!" Naruto called to his clones. Each Naruto yelled as they charged, kunai drawn. One blonde, however, stayed behind to watch the approaching brawl.

Shinsui frowned in disappointment at what his student was doing. Sending all those clones in while one stayed back? Please. Who did this kid think he was dealing with? Dropping his stance, the Jounin went through several hand seals and called out, **"Suiton: Daibakufu no jutsu!"** (Water Element: Grand Waterfall)The water in the lake immediately turned into an extremely large and turbulent water funnel that quickly destroyed the shadow clones.

"Kuso!" the remaining Naruto cursed as his clones were cut down so quickly. His eyes widened in horror when he saw Shinsui running at him with his Raijin drawn, ready to deliver an electric shock. Before Naruto could move, the lightning blade connected, causing the jinchuuriki to scream in pain…before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

"Shadow clone!" Shinsui said in surprise. "When did he substitute?" he questioned. "When I destroyed the others first," he answered himself. "He must have used the smokescreen to hide. But where did he--" the Jounin was forced to dodge as several kunai and shuriken flew from several spots in the tree line.

The real Naruto had indeed used the smokescreen to create more shadow clones that followed him into the foliage, where he thought he saw a flash of gold near him for a second, but a second glance revealed nothing. From there they waited for Shinsui to destroy the decoy Naruto left and then they attacked. They were unsuccessful, but they kept throwing kunai after kunai to keep Shinsui on his toes.

"Yes!" Naruto cried in triumph when he saw a couple knives pierce the water master in his arm…only to look on despairingly as his opponent was revealed to be a water clone that returned to its original state.

"Nice try, kid," whispered Shinsui into his ear from behind. Naruto jumped forward as his clones converged on the target, only to be destroyed as Shinsui swung his blade in a sweeping motion that sent an arc of electricity thru the clones. The real Naruto turned in midair and threw several shuriken at Shinsui that the he blocked with his sword.

As Naruto landed back in the field, he heard Shinsui call out, "Constant vigilance kid!" Turning his head in horror, he saw another Shinsui holding his fingers in the tiger seal, just as Kakashi had done to him back in his time. The only difference was that this sensei had electricity dancing along his pointed fingers.

"**Konoha Kinjutsu: Dendou Kanchou!" **(Leaf village Forbidden Technique: Electric Enema) Shinsui said as he thrusted his fingers forward.

Kakashi's technique didn't even compare as Naruto was sent into the air screaming in pain, electricity coursing through his rectum. And just like it happened in his time, the blonde was sent crashing into the lake.

"Hmm," Shinsui said when Naruto didn't resurface. "Maybe I overdid it?" Walking to the water's edge, Shinsui called to his student. "Okay kid, out of the pool! Break's over!"

The blue clad Jounin barely had time to dodge as a boiling hot pillar of water shot where he was just standing. The lake suddenly exploded as nearly one hundred Naruto's shot out like cannonballs, each with red eyes and extended claws.

Shinsui immediately retreated to the middle of the field where he took the Odayaka Enkai Nagare-ken once again. The clones charged, looking more like blurs of orange and red than a stable opponent.

But Shinsui was far from worried. When one Kyuubi-fied clone would come near, he would calmly block with one hand and gently strike a strong blow with the other, not wasting any energy on overzealous movements. He kept blocking and retaliating until there was only one Naruto left.

Bringing out the big guns, Naruto held out his right hand and began his mantra of _Rotation, power, control_ in his head and to his great pleasure, a perfect orb of crimson chakra was effortlessly created. If it was this easy to create a Rasengan while using the Kyuubi's power, maybe he should do it more.

Storing that thought away for later, the red eyed blonde charged and screamed, **"RASENGAN!"** as he shoved the sphere of destructive chakra into Shinsui's stomach. The white haired man screamed in agony until he disappeared in a poof of smoke.

_Shadow clone? _Naruto thought disbelievingly, before a blow to the back of his neck caused him to black out.

* * *

_The screams. The terror. The blood. _

_It was all so intoxicating to him as he walked through the village. Flames purged the place of its filthy inhabitants. These fools had not appeased him as he commanded them to, so their village was baptized by fire for their sins. _

_Feeling a tug at his foot, he glanced down to see a hand grasped around his right ankle. The man who held him seemed to be at death's door, blood pooling around his body from a large gash in his side._

"_Why did you do this?" the man asked weakly. "We were always faithful to you."_

_The other man grinned cruelly as he drew one of his scimitars. "Apparently not as faithful as you thought. One of my brothers found out this village had been holding back in the appeasement offering, and you know we don't take kindly to that attitude." With those words, he added fire to the edge of his blade and sliced clean thru the man's wrist with an arching sweep of his arm._

_The dying man howled in agony and held his cauterized wound close to his chest. "Wh-why did you become th-this way? You all used to protect u-u-us" he sobbed._

_The other merely raised the blade and held it in both hand. "Because we enjoy it," he said with a smile as he brought his sword down to the man's neck to end his terrified sobbing._

* * *

Naruto spluttered as he jolted awoke to find himself soaked from head to toe. "What the hell happened?" Naruto said as he sat up and saw Shinsui holding a hose.

"Whilst we were sparing, you freaked out and used the kyuubi's chakra. I found it in the best interests of all present to stop you before you hurt me--I mean any innocent bystander who couldn't protect themselves."

Looking around, Naruto saw that he and Shinsui were the only ones around. A vision of the dying man flashed before his eyes.

"But what about the fire and that man about to be killed?" Naruto questioned in a panic as he suddenly remembered what had happened before Shinsui woke him up.

_Maybe I overdid it with the whole electric enema thing, _Shinsui thought. "You just had a bad dream, kid. There's nothing on fire, nobody's dying, and there's definately no drawings on your face that someone did with a pink marker while you were asleep," the water master said as he hid said marker back in his pocket. He decided to wash his artwork off while the kid was knocked out; else there might've been another little demon incident. But the memory would live on in his little throw away camera. "Now dry yourself off. You look a mess," Shinsui said as he handed Naruto a towel.

The blonde begrudgingly accepted. As he dried his hair, he kept the realization that he knew that cruel man with the scimitars to himself. He had met him barely two hours ago inside the seal. It was Kyuubi's original form, before becoming a demon. Naruto shivered at the memory of that smile of pure pleasure on Kyuubi's face as he tortured the dying man. It made him feel slightly sick.

He then saw that Shinsui was looking at him expectantly, as though waiting for an answer. Naruto realized that Shinsui had been talking to him while he thought about his inner demon. "I'm sorry, what was the question?" he asked.

"I asked if you're ready to go get some new clothes?" Shinsui repeated.

A frown appeared on Naruto's face. "What's wrong with these?" he asked, looking down to his orange jumpsuit.

"Besides the multiple rips and tears in has in it not to mention that hole in the seat of your pants, its frickin' ORANGE. The only better way to attract enemy attention would be to run naked in the streets while banging a pot on your head and screaming 'My name's Nar-Nar and I'm a pretty giraffe!'"

Naruto sweat dropped at such an unusual way of insulting his clothes. Someone usually just told him orange was tacky. "But these were the only things I could afford back in my time since every store charged me outrageous prices."

"Whatever! Already heard your sob story so I don't care!" Shinsui said as he started making his way back to town. As Naruto stood up to follow him, Shinsui turned around and headed back to Naruto where he gazed quizzically at the Gennin.

"Stop it," Naruto said in a creeped out tone. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Did you always have that? I didn't notice it when we were fighting," Shinsui said, pointing to the blonde's side.

Naruto gasped in amazement as he saw the kusari-gama he was almost presented with at Itsutsu's weapon shop. Its golden color glinted serenely in the afternoon sunlight.

"I left this back at the shop," Naruto said in amazement. "How'd it wind up here? Did you take it when we left the shop?" he asked Shinsui.

"Hell no," Shinsui said in an almost scared tone. "When I was younger, I stole a scroll from her house and she set my pants on fire…while I was still in them. I've never stolen anything since." The Jounin then scrunched up his face as he remembered something. "Except for that time when I was 20 and had to pay off some gambling debts and sold my brother's jewel incrusted sword. Then there was that time last week when I stole a sandwich. I guess looking back I could be considered a kleptomaniac. But I NEVER stole from the old hag after the scroll incident."

Naruto stopped listening to Shinsui so he could examine the kusari-gama. He estimated the chain to be about 12 feet in length; perfect for attacking enemies while keeping a safe distance. Eyeing the razor edge of the scythe, Naruto decided to see how sharp it was by cutting his finger. The edge of the blade didn't even pause as it passed effortlessly through the skin of his finger. The wound healed over quickly thanks to the kyuubi.

"We should definitely take it back," Shinsui said as he watched Naruto admire the weapon.

"No way!" the blonde exclaimed, holding the kusari-gama close to his chest. "The wrinkly, old prune said that weapons of Maibu choose their owners and this one chose me."

Shinsui sighed as he massaged his temple to thwart an oncoming headache. "Can we at least take it by the store so she doesn't do something horrible to me?" he asked.

"Fine, ya big baby," Naruto said as he put the weapon back at his side. With no hook or sheath at his waste, the jinchuuriki briefly wondered how it would stay. But to his delight, the kusari-gama stayed by his side as though magnetically attracted. _Awesome! I'm definitely_ _not giving this thing back without a fight! _Naruto thought giddily.

* * *

"Yo, chiisai-baba!" Naruto yelled as he and Shinsui entered the weapons shop. "We've got something to talk to you about!"

"Don't call me that, you cro-magnum ignoramus!" Itsutsu said as she thwacked Naruto over the head with her cane. As the blonde rubbed the sore spot on his head, the elder woman spied the missing kusari-gama at his waste.

"I knew it!" she shrieked as she made to grab the weapon. "I knew you stole it from my shop, you little thief!"

"Chill grandma!" Naruto said as he danced out of her path. "I didn't take it. It came to me."

Itsutsu froze at this proclamation. Regaining her composure, she crossed her arms and scoffed. "So you mean to tell me that you actually believe this weapon chose you as its master?"

"Yes it did. Watch," Naruto told her and removed the scythe from his wais while leaving the chain and weight on. Letting go of the sickle, all three of them watched as it went directly back to his side.

Naruto and Shinsui looked to Itsutsu to see her amazed reaction, but were disappointed to see she was still in denial. "A simple trick of chakra manipulation," she said as she brought out a pipe and lit the tobacco inside. She inhaled deeply and exhaled even deeper. The smoke made Naruto cough but didn't affect Shinsui as he was known to dabble in it from time to time.

A smirk came to Itsutsu's face. "Allrighty then," she said as she blew out more smoke. "A simple test will reveal if you're the true owner of this weapon. Pass it, and I'll admit I was wrong."

"Okay then, ya old prune," Naruto said smugly. "Give me the test. I'll pass anything you throw at me."

Itsutsu's smirk widened. "What…is its name?"

"Its name?" Shinsui said in bewilderment. "How the bloody hell is he supposed to know its--"

"Sankonjou (Sun spirit)," Naruto said without pausing to think. "My kusari-gama's name is Sankonjou."

Both adults stared at the kid in silence. Shinsui was impressed but Itsutsu was so surprised her pipe fell to the floor. "How did you know that?" she asked in amazement.

Naruto's face drooped as he pondered this himself. "I don't know," he admitted. "It just came to me. Am I right?" he asked the wrinkled proprietor.

Itsutsu smiled as she answered. "Yes boy, you are correct. I've been taught the names of every Maibu weapon I have since I was a little girl. My family has guarded these weapons so that they would remain safe and well for when their true masters came to claim them. I was wrong, and I apologize. You, Uzumaki Naruto, are Sankonjou's rightful owner," she said as she gave a little bow at the waist.

"YATTA!" Naruto yelled in triumph as he jumped for joy. Unfortunately, his jumping caused the hole in the seat of his pants to rip and widen, showing a good bit of his heart patterned boxers to the world. He stopped jumping and covered the tear as Shinsui laughed out loud at his predicament.

Taking pity on the poor lad, Itsutsu cast a minor genjutsu to hide the tear. "There's a very nice thrift store just down the street," she said to Naruto as Shinsui quieted down. "A friend of my granddaughter works there. Tell her Itsutsu sent you and she'll help you out."

"Thanks, Itsutsu-san," Naruto said gratefully as he made his way out the door with Shinsui following and wiping away the tears of mirth.

"See ya later, old prune!" Shinsui said. He quickly ducked as a large sword imbedded itself in the wooden doorframe inches away from his face.

"Damn brat," Itsutsu muttered as she picked up her pipe and cleaned it off.

* * *

"Hello and welcome to _Kangeki_. My name's Nara Shikamoto. How may I help you?" said the peppy looking female clerk at the register as Naruto and Shinsui entered the clothing store Itsutsu had sent them too. Like Nanatsu, she looked about ten to twelve years older than Naruto. She wore fishnet clothes under a light purple shirt. Her black hair was done in a pony tail on the back of her head that made it look like a pineapple. Her smile seemed to go on forever.

"Uh yes," Shinsui said and placed his hand on Naruto's head. "We were sent here by a miserable old prune that has a tendency to throw sharp objects at people's heads. We're looking for some new clothes for my young ward here. His name is Naruto but he insists that I call him Sparky. Young Sparky is working at a below average brain capacity and believes orange to be a good shinobi color. Could you succeed where so many have failed before and find him some clothes that don't make you want to barf just from looking at them?"

Naruto growled and swatted Shinsui's hand off his head. "Orange ain't that bad and don't call me Sparky," he muttered.

"_Oh contraire, mon fraire_," the Jounin said in his French accent. "Do you remember that little talk we had about the giraffes?"

Shikamoto smiled as the boy's face turned red. "Don't worry, little one," she said in her cheerful tone. "We'll find you some nice clothes. If you'll follow me," she said leading Naruto and Shinsui to the back. "What other color besides orange would you like?" Shikamoto said as they reached a variety rack.

"I don't know. I guess if I had a choice I'd go with dark green, navy and maroon," he said with a shrug.

Shikamoto picked out dark green camouflage pants, a navy long sleeve shirt, and a maroon jacket that had the sleeves torn off at the elbow.

"Right this way to the changing rooms," she said pleasantly. She gave Naruto his clothes and he shut the door to try them on. Shinsui spied some sandals and gloves he thought looked cool. "Put these on too!" he said as he threw them over the door.

Six minutes later, Naruto came out to show off his new duds. The only thing that hadn't changed was that he kept his headband on his forehead. On his feet he wore gray and black ninja sandals. His camouflage pants had several pockets for storing extra kunai, shuriken, scrolls, or soldier pills.

His blue shirt had a picture of a white tiger standing majestically in front of a yin-yang symbol. Each arm had four vertical orange stripes spaced evenly out along the arm. The red, short sleeve jacket seemed a size too small at first, but adjusted to his frame to fit quite comfortable, unlike the baggy, orange top he once had.

On his hands he wore brown, fingerless, leather gloves that had padded metal joints at the knuckles to add an extra oomph to his punches. To complete his new look, Naruto had moved Sankonjou to the right side of his waist so he could use the scythe with his left hand and swing the chain and weight with his right.

Shinsui gave him a thumbs up. "Very nice, kid!" he said approvingly. "Big step up from that orange eye sore!"

"I agree, Naruto-san. You look so much better," Shikamoto said as she applauded.

"Thanks guys. I do look more ninja like, don't I? I am glad that I was able to keep a bit of the old favorite, though," he said as he gazed at the orange stripes on his arms.

Shinsui put his arm around Naruto and began leading him out of the store. "Now that you're presentable, how 'bout we go grab a bite to eat?"

"Sounds good to me!" Naruto said as he imagined how good a dozen bowls of ramen from Ichiraku's would taste right now.

"Wait a second! You haven't paid for those!" Shikamoto said from behind them.

"Put it on my brother's tab!" Shinsui called back to her.

When they were back in street, Shinsui looked around at the all the restaurants and food carts they could choose from. "Where to, kid?"

"There's only one food in the world that can satisfy my hunger: Ichiraku's ramen!" Naruto said pumping his fist in the air.

Shinsui frowned at this. "Uh…I don't know how to tell you this kid, but Konoha doesn't have an Ichiraku's ramen."

Naruto seemed frozen in place for a few seconds before he dropped to his knees and cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He then took off to where heaven was supposed to be.

"Damn," Shinsui said impressed as he watched the blonde zip away at inhuman speeds. "Kid's fast when he's motivated." He took to the rooftops to catch up to the blonde.

Naruto zigged and zagged between human obstacles as he ran to Ichiraku's. _It's gotta be there. It's just gotta! _he thought desperately. Moving so fast, he didn't see a red clad man step around an upcoming corner and into his path until it was too late to stop.

"Gauugh!" Naruto cried as he fell the ground after running full speed into something more like a brick wall that a human being. "Sorry sir," Naruto apologized as he looked up into the man's face. "I wasn't watching where I was go--"

As Naruto's cerulean eyes looked into obsidian, his mind was suddenly assaulted by memories that weren't his own.

_The kyuubi, roaring furiously as it fired a powerful beam of pure, destructive chakra at a red clad man while another rode atop the demon's head…_

_The fox moving to destroy the Leaf village, only to halt as a giant frog appeared in its way, a man in white riding the amphibian…_

_Wrath and terror filling the great beast as the shinigami's hands took hold of his soul… _

The blonde grasped his head in pain as he stood up, not sure what to make of those memories.

"Are you okay?" the bushy haired man asked, concern absent from his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Naruto said as he lowered his hands and looked back into those charcoal black eyes. No demonic memories came.

"Ah, Madara-dono," Shinsui said as he landed beside his student. "Please excuse young Naruto here. I challenged him to a race and he wasn't watching where he was going."

Madara kept his eyes locked onto the Genin's as he spoke to Shinsui. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again. I might not be so forgiving next time," he said as he finally broke eye contact and continued down the street.

"Who was that man?" Naruto asked when the black haired man was out of ear shot.

"That was Uchiha Madara, co-founder of the village. He's said to be the strongest ninja in the world and he's a complete asshole," Shinsui said in disdain. "He used to be good friends with my brother and an all right guy, but after his brother Izune died, he became cold and distant."

Naruto pondered as to why looking into that man's eyes would unlock some of Kyuubi's memories. Before he could think about it further, Shinsui spoke up. "Let's go and meet your teammates, then we'll get a bite to eat."

"Okay," Naruto said as he and Shinsui headed off to make new friends, or new enemies, depending how everything went.

* * *

Omake: Listen Up

"YATA!" Naruto yelled in triumph as he jumped for joy at passing the test and proving that Sankonjou was his.

"I wouldn't celebrate just yet," Itsutsu informed him.

"Why not?" Naruto asked, curious at what was there to not be happy about.

"With every weapon of Maibu, the owner gets a sort of guide that helps them understand their new weapon better," the old woman explained.

"I don't see what's so bad about that," Naruto said.

"We'll see if you feel the same if a few seconds," Itsutsu said as she reached into her robe and pulled out a tiny glass bottle. She pulled the cork and a small, glowing dot exited the bottle and made its way to Naruto.

To his great surprise, the dot began to speak in an annoying, high pitched voice. "Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey, hey, hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen, listen, listen, listen!"

"WHAT!? I'm listening!" Naruto roared at the dot, his patience quickly running out.

"Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey lis--ugh!" the little dot groaned as Naruto squished it between his hands.

Looking to Itsutsu with an apologetic look, the old woman merely shrugged. "If you hadn't, I would've."

* * *

Vorago's Corner 

Well that's another chapter done. Didn't get to the expected meeting with Team Sarutobi like I've been promising, but that's first on the list for next time, so no worries on that. This chapter kept evolving and growing at a rate I couldn't contain. At least I got Naruto a weapon, some new duds, and the Madara meeting out of the way.

My very big thanks to 50calibechaos for being my beta, mentor, and friend. Without him, this chapter would've sucked big time. He also thought up the whole Maibu thing, so props to him.

Oh yeah. Reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome. I'm most interested in the new clothes, weapon, and whatever else you see fit.


	8. Viva la Vida

My beta and very good friend 50caliberchaos wanted say something to you all before you began reading.

"I know what's gonna happen and you guys don't. Ha!"

Hnn. Yes you do, you little scamp. Yes you do.

* * *

Prepare yourself for a Vorgasm.

* * *

Original chapter title: _Those Who Came Before_

(Hokage Tower)

Hashirama leaned back in his comfy chair with his hand behind his head, contemplating the past few hours. Naruto Uzumaki, a boy damned to a cursed life by what he held, was sent from a parallel dimension to this one by a combination of the kyuubi's chakra and the strange energy the green gem produced.

The Shodai had never heard of this before and not a single book from his vast personal library had anything to help him. This was something completely new and a huge scientific breakthrough. But it couldn't be documented due to both the kyuubi's will and the outrage the village would be put through after finding out the most powerful demon in the world walked amongst them.

Hashirama knew that it wouldn't matter to them how well the beast was held back. Their hate would blind them until they saw how well Naruto could control the fox…human…demon. The villagers from Naruto's dimension were proof enough of this.

No. He would keep this to himself, as would Shinsui. That boy would have a new start, one exempt from hatred and fear. The Shodai would make sure of that himself.

His train of thought was broken when a knock came from his door.

"Enter," he said as he composed himself to a more dignified sitting position.

Nara Shikamoto entered with her hands full of the bright orange jumpsuit that Naruto had been wearing last time he saw him.

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama," she said as she bowed politely. "Your brother and a young boy named Naruto came through my store earlier and purchased some new clothes. They also left this jumpsuit there and it didn't feel right to throw them away after the boy expressed how much he liked them."

"Hnn," Hashirama murmured in disdain as he eyed the orange eyesore. Naruto had told him that it was the only thing he could afford with his villagers charging him outrageous prices, but he could have at least dyed it in a more ninja color. Red preferably, but black would also have been acceptable.

Motioning to his desk, Hashirama said, "Just leave them here and I'll be sure Naruto gets them."

"Yes sir," Shikamoto said as she deposited the jumpsuit. Before she left, she turned back to the village leader. "They also left the store without paying for Naruto's new clothes and Shinsui-sama said to put on your tab," she said with a nervous expression. Hashirama groaned to himself and told the pineapple haired woman he would take care of it. _Looks like I'll have to sell something of his that's valuable again, _Hashirama thought to himself. _He'll learn to stop making me pay for things when he has no more possessions. _

When she left, the Shodai created a small wooden box and placed the clothes inside. But before he put the lid on, he spied something curious: a small rolled-up scroll on the left shoulder held on by two strings. Wondering what it could be, Hashirama cut the threads and held the tiny scroll to his face to examine it.

When he did, the first Hokage briefly felt a tiny gust of wind sweep thru his office and slightly disturb the loose paper about. Hashirama's curiosity increased when he noticed his office window was closed.

"How very strange," he said to himself as he focused his gaze back at the small scroll.

* * *

I would have dropped a pin, just to see if I could hear it. Unfortunately, I didn't have one and thusly had to let the awkward silence continue without interruption.

Naruto and I stood on one side of the training field while Orochimaru, Tsunade, Jiraiya, and their sensei Hiruzen Sarutobi stood on the other.

Naruto had told me earlier that he had heard the expression "butterflies in my stomach" and knew that it meant to be so nervous that one felt like throwing up. He had felt like that only two times in his life; his first day at the academy and the first time he asked Sakura out (which didn't end too well, if my recollection was correct).

It was actually pretty entertaining to watch his mouth move at odd intervals while he tried to decide what to say. After a few minutes, it got boring so I gave him a shove forward. The kid stumbled slightly and gave me a menacing glare. Looking back to his new teammates, he gave a nervous grin as he placed his hand behind his head.

"Hi there," he said in what was obviously a forced friendly tone. "My name's Naruto Uzumaki. How you guys doing?"

I honestly could have died of laughter right there and then. This kid was asking how they were after he went crazy in the hospital, tried to kill Orochimaru, and shouted in the streets how the snake child had murdered the Hokage.

But I persevered and kept the laughter inside. Didn't want to embarrass the kid too much just yet; he was doing a fine job by himself.

The three teens opposite us didn't move at all. Each one had a different expression. Jiraiya's was distrust, Orochimaru seemed to be calculating in his head his fear of Naruto and his confusion that I was with him, and my grand niece seemed to be sizing Naruto up in her own mind: her eyes moving up and down taking in his new clothes, then from me to the blonde, and then from him to Orochimaru.

This went on for a few more seconds before I motioned for monkey-kun to follow me. Hiruzen nodded and we walked a couple paces away so the kids couldn't hear us.

Monkey boy looked at me in what I like to call his "stern face". When using this expression, Hiruzen-kun furrows his brow, breathes through his nose, and clenches his jaw. "What is the meaning of this, Shinsui-sama?" he asked with that funny face. "That kid attacked my student. Why is he here and not in jail?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Relax, Hiruzen-kun," I said as I placed a calming hand on his shoulder. "It was just something to do with a seal or magic or whatever. I forget."

His stern face actually seemed to increase itself twofold. I couldn't help but chuckle at how funny he looked now.

"Don't worry about it," I told him before he could bust a blood vessel. "Hashi-kun will explain it to you later. He knows more about it than I do. But in the mean time, my brother and I trust him. That should be enough for you," I said in a moment of brief seriousness. The tone of my voice seemed to shock Hiruzen out of his Serious Face.

He looked back to his students. The mini pervert looked like he was ready to attack Naruto at a moment's notice. The one who needed sun still seemed nervous. And my lovely grand-niece was looking at the two of us with a raised eyebrow.

Hiruzen sighed heavily. "All right, Shinsui-sama. I trust you."

"Good boy," I said with a big smile on my face. "Here's your reward," I said as I gave him a ripe, yellow banana and headed back to those merry little scamps. Hiruzen spluttered in indignation as he held the golden fruit in his hands.

"So you guys best friends yet or what?" I asked the four teens as I retook my place at Naruto's side. The male blonde gave me a look that practically oozed "Are you serious?" Across the field, my grand niece finally spoke up.

"I don't understand, Uncle Shinsui. What's he doing here?" Her teammates both nodded in affirmation.

I couldn't help but smile at the proverbial Pandora's Box I was about to open. "He's here because…(dramatic pause)…he's the newest addition to Team Banana!"

I chuckled when every single one of them introduced the ground to his or her face. For some reason, I could hear Hiruzen sobbing from behind me. I picked Naruto off the ground and presented him like a favorite nephew (not my real nephew--I don't like him).

"That's right, lady and gentlemen! For a limited time only, you too can add this one of a kind object to your collection! It slices, it dices, and it does cool things with a spinning ball of chakra! Order now and we'll send you another one half off!"

If there's another way to break an awkward moment than with my announcer voice, I've yet to find it. The sweat drops on those kids were so large, you could sell them to Suna to end the water shortage. Providing you got rid of the salt content, amongst other things.

Monkey boy then made himself known by giving a large harrumph. "I believe what Shinsui-sama is trying to say, is that this boy is to be the fourth member of our Genin team," then in a quiet voice, "regardless of what happened earlier."

Those words immediately brought a change to my grandniece and her teammates. Where they once looked confused, now trepidation reigned supreme.

"Yeah, that's right," the mini pervert said. "Why the hell did he attack us when we were nice enough to bring him to the hospital?"

Damn they got good memories. Here I was hoping they'd forgotten. It seems so long ago that this little blonde child was rampaging thru the streets, trying to kill Orochimaru. Even though I wasn't there, the memory for ever lives on in the story I was told.

"Riiiiight," I said as I racked my brain trying to remember the cover story Hashi had cooked up. Naruto rolled his eyes at me and began it himself.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, I was born in Tanzaku City 13 years ago and I always wanted to be a ninja…" He finished within ten minutes and, surprisingly, hadn't left anything out. If I hadn't known the truth, even I would have believed him.

Hiruzen, Jiraiya, and Tsunade all seemed convinced. Hiruzen believed Naruto because of me and the other two believed him because they trusted their sensei.

The tan less one however, still didn't look convinced. Maybe he was still pissed off about being almost killed. Perhaps he could naturally sense Naruto was lying with that freaky tongue of his (that thing ain't natural—all forked and long like that). Either way, it spelt trouble.

"But that still doesn't explain how you had a Konoha head band on when we found you well outside the village parameter," Orochimaru said in an accusing tone.

Damn he's astute! Luckily, I had this one covered.

"Hashirama and I discovered that to be a forgery, possibly made by the same person who put that seal on Naruto-kun. After discovering the truth, my brother entrusted me as his part time sensei. I then showed him around Konoha and spared with him in order to gauge how powerful he is without the gates being forcibly opened. I was impressed by his abilities and, upon sharing my thoughts with Hashi, made him an honorary Genin of Konohagakure. Then we got him some new clothes, a cool weapon, and some ice cream."

If that didn't clench it, nothing would. But at last(!) Orochimaru seemed convinced. He nodded in approval to Tsunade and Jiraiya.

Speaking of Jiraiya, the snow topped pervert's attitude did a 180 complete with an off the hook Ollie. He vanished and had his arm around Naruto's shoulder in an instant, as though the two had been friends since childhood. I was impressed by his speed.

"First off, I'd like to apologize for that kick I gave you earlier. I was just watching out for my teammate, ya know how it is. Ya just get in the moment and POW! right in the kisser," Jiraiya said in a somewhat embarrassed voice. He then let go of blonde brat and cleared his voice. "Anyway, my name is Mekuru Jiraiya. I'm also known as the Gallant Jiraiya, sex god, and 'that despicable pervert', but they may also be talking about my aunt." He ended it with a nervous laugh, as though he'd said too much.

I scoffed at the mention of his aunt. Calling Mekuru Ryouyou a pervert was like calling an Uchiha a stuck up asshole. It was both common knowledge and a gross understatement. Honestly? That woman scared me. But enough about that platinum haired goddess...with the…huge rack…(pleasurable moan).

Hiruzen stared at me in confusion for some reason. "What?" I said in a mean tone. He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the introductions.

Orochimaru was next. He stepped forward and bowed politely. "It's a pleasure to meet you under more appropriate circumstances, Naruto-san. My name is Nagazuni Orochimaru and I enjoy learning new jutsu. It would be a great joy to learn that spinning chakra ball you used against the ANBU."

Blondie sweat dropped at the idea of teaching such a destructive jutsu to Orochimaru. Even though this was a completely different snake person than he knew, I understood that he'd be hard pressed to help him along the path of easy power.

"I don't really remember what happened when I was under the influence of the seal, but I'll see what I can do," Naruto said with a nervous smile that could be misinterpreted as apologetic. The Nagazuni seemed to believe him, disappointment apparent on his face rather than scrutiny. As he stepped back, Tsunade stepped forward.

"Very nice to meet ya!" she said with an extended hand. "My name is Senju Tsunade and I hope to become the best medic the world's ever seen." Naruto took her hand in his and she began pumping her arm up and down. "So what was Tanzaku City like?" she asked suddenly.

Naruto nearly stopped shaking her hand and froze for just the briefest of moments. I was afraid I'd have to interfere once again, but the kid pulled through.

"Lots of gambling parlors and hotels. The festival is nice when the town puts it on, though they don't allow ninjutsu to be used so you can cheat. The castle in the center of town is really cool, too. It was a stronghold during the time before the first great ninja war."

How the hell did the kid know that? That wasn't common knowledge amongst the majority of the ninja populace. Blonde brat would blow his cover if he wasn't more careful.

Tsunade seemed to accept that impromptu answer as the truth. Good thing the kid had actually been to Tanzaku city in his timeline.

She gave him a genuine smile. "Well like my teammates said before me, it's a pleasure to have you on our team."

Naruto returned her smile. "Thanks," he said gratefully. "I didn't know how you guys would react to me, but I'm glad you forgave me for that unfortunate incident earlier."

"It's all right," Jiraiya said jovially. "My family is pretty adept at seals so I understand the psychological and physiological effects of a seal like that couldn't be anything you'd ever want to happen. You're lucky it didn't open too many gates, otherwise you might have suffered irreversible muscle and chakra pathway damage."

I stared at the porcupine haired one in mock amazement. "You sure you didn't bruise your brain, using that many syllables and big words?"

He stuck his tongue at me and lowered his under eye lid and made a funny "Nyeeah" sound. Tsunade responded by smacking him upside the head. Orochimaru promptly ignored this behavior, having gotten used to it some time ago. He gave an apologetic look to blonde brat and murmured, "I'm afraid they're always like this."

Naruto smiled good naturedly, and I thought I saw a flicker of pain in those cerulean eyes, and was sure that this scene of abusive teammates brought unwanted memories of his timeline. One where the strawberry would constantly berate the banana while the chocolate syrup looked on in indifference.

I want a sundae now.

Clapping my hands, I brought all eyes to me. "All righty then, children. Now that you're best friends, how 'bout you four continue the tour I started him on earlier? I've got to report back to Hashi."

"Of course, Shinsui-sama," Hiruzen said as he bowed. "It'll be our pleasure."

I smiled widely. "Tubular! Then we'll all meet tonight at Toshinro's for barbeque." I smiled deviously as a movie quote came to mind. "Rest hearty, ninjas!" I said to them loudly, "For tonight…we dine…wherever is reasonably affordable!" Man I love that movie!

I then disappeared in a flash of lighting, off to my next great adventure.

* * *

Naruto's heart was slamming sporadically against his ribcage. Now that Shinsui wasn't there anymore, he didn't know what to do.

He knew these people. But at the same time, he didn't know them. This wasn't just a chance for him to start over; it was also a brand new chance for them too.

His thoughts were interrupted by Sarutobi. "Ok, Naruto-san. Where did Shinsui show you around town?"

"We just went around the business district, then to training ground number seven, then to the weapons and clothing shop, and finally here," Naruto answered without his voice betraying his emotions.

"We might as well show him the academy first and go from there," Jiraiya said.

Sarutobi and Orochimaru nodded in agreement and both Jiraiya and Tsunade grabbed an arm of their new teammate and led him towards the village.

--

Fourteen minutes later, Team Sarutobi was at the bottom of the Hokage monument, looking up at the giant stone face of their founding leader.

"It represents both the Hokage watching over his village and makes visiting ninja feel small and crushable," Jiraiya said. Naruto wasn't so sure about that last part.

"Uncle Shinsui said when they carve his face, it'll be made out of gold and sapphire, to represent his master over lightning and water," Tsunade mentioned. When the four males looked at her questioningly, she replied, "I don't think he's joking," she said seriously.

Sarutobi shook his head solemnly. "Knowing that man, I don't think he is either."

"Shinsui-sama always did want to be bigger than life, didn't he, Hiruzen-kun?" a female voice said from behind them.

Turning around the four teens and one sensei saw a woman in her early thirties. She had dark black hair in a long ponytail that fell over her shoulder and blue eyes. She wore a green haori with a low cut top to show her generous cleavage and white shorts, showing off her long, smooth legs.

"Whoa baby!" Jiraiya exclaimed loudly, his eyes nearly bursting out of his head. Tsunade responded with her customary smack to the back of the head.

Sarutobi smiled serenely at her, his radar quickly scanning the tree line. Finding only two chakra signatures, he turned his attention back to the woman. "And to what do we owe the pleasure of your lovely company, Koharu-chan?"

She laughed good naturedly. "I need a reason to hang out with my favorite ex-teammate? I'm hurt, Hiruzen-kun." She ended her sentence by bashing her eye lashes seductively.

Jiraiya threw himself at the beautiful woman, fully intent on motor boating her bust for hours. Or he would have, had Tsunade not grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and slammed him to the ground. Orochimaru took out a small marker board and dry erase marker that he carried for just such instances and wrote 7.6 on it. Naruto just shook his head with a smile. _He hasn't changed a bit…won't change a bit…whatever._

Sarutobi ignored his students' antics and addressed Koharu again. "My students and I were just showing our newest member around town," he said and motioned to Naruto. Taking this a cue, the blonde bowed politely.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am. My name is Uzumaki Naruto."

The elder woman tossed her pony tail over her back. "The pleasure's all mine, Uzumaki-san. My name is Utatane Koharu and I used to be on the same genin squad as Hiruzen -kun."

The monkey summoner gave a loud sigh as he finally lost his patience. "Please tell your students to stop hiding and come out. I want Naruto to meet everyone he can."

Koharu gave a benign smile. "Always astute as ever, aren't you Recess?" Sarutobi frowned at her nickname for him as she snapped her fingers. Two blurs shot out from the trees and landed before Team Three.

One was a tall, lanky man with long blonde hair and pupil less blue eyes. He wore a blue chunin vest over a purple t-shirt and purple pants. He kept glancing around at different things and seemed fascinated by Naruto's shiny chain sickle.

The other was a man who Naruto immediately assumed to be an Akimichi; he wasn't fat, but defiantly big, more muscle than fat. He had reddish brown wavy hair that was cut short and wore a chunin vest over a long sleeve gray shirt. He wore black and gray pants that stopped above his ankles. He was munching on a 100 calorie pack of chocolate chip cookies.

"This is 2/3 of my chunin team," Koharu said. "Introduce yourselves," she said turning to the pair.

The blonde man stepped forward. He spoke a bit faster than normal, as though he had one cup of coffee too many. "Hi my name is Yamanaka Inosuke and I have ADHD so please excuse me if I go off subj-where'd you get that?" he asked pointing to Naruto's golden weapon.

The original members of Team Sarutobi paid attention also. Naruto grabbed Sankonjou from his side and held it in front of him so all could see.

"I got this at Itsutsu's weapon shop. It's a weapon of Maibu and it chose me as its wielder. Watch," he said as he let go of it. Everyone gapped in surprise when the weight, chain, then sickle all reattached to Naruto's side like a kunai to a magnet.

"Wow that's pretty cool, Naru-bird," Inosuke said suddenly as he looked up to watch a sparrow make its way across the sky.

"Indeed," the large man said as he crumpled his empty snack bag. "My name is Akimichi Choubu and I'm trying to break my family from eating so many unhealthy foods while keeping our bodies big enough for our clan jutsus to still work. It's very nice to meet you, Naruto-san."

Naruto decided that these two were as likeable as Ino and Choji were. A bit different, but that was okay. "It's nice to meet both of you two. Your missing teammate wouldn't happen to be Nara Shikamoto, would she?"

All three members of the opposite team looked surprised. "Ah, you've met Shika-kun have you?" Koharu asked.

"Yeah. She was the one who picked these new clothes out for me," Naruto said.

Inosuke nodded enthusiastically. "Shika-kun always was good at knowing a person's true style. She picked these clothes out for me and Choubu since were wearing 'a sin to fashion' according to her." He cracked his knuckles against his sides.

"And since we're her friends and teammates, we get discounts at the store she works at," Choubu said as he started munching on low salt pretzels.

Sarutobi glanced at the waning light in the sky. "If you'll excuse us," he said apologetically to Koharu and her team, "we must be going. We still have to show Naruto around town."

Koharu smiled sweetly. "Of course, of course. Please don't let us slow you down. We simply must hang out more often, Hiruzen-kun. See you kids later!" She added a seductive wink that left Jiraiya drooling and Tsunade fuming.

--

One hundred and thirty-two minutes and four smacks to the head later, Team Sarutobi found themselves in the restaurant district. The three teens had taken turns pointing out everything to Naruto that they could through their journey of the Leaf village. The Uzumaki had never realized how big Konoha had been thirty-eight years ago.

Orochimaru had pointed out the scroll stores where a variety of jutsu was sold to the general public, and other weapon shops. Tsunade led them to the hospital (but not in it as Naruto's appearance might cause a scene) and told them how she had been accepted for an apprenticeship there.

Jiraiya showed them the library and multiple bookstores, both of which contained many books that his clan had published over the years. In one of the bookstores, Sarutobi spied a favorite manga of his, but when he went to go pick one up, Jiraiya seemed very interested in moving the group elsewhere.

It was now approaching dusk and Team Sarutobi made their way to the restaurant that Shinsui had mentioned earlier. Naruto thought he saw his second sensei in an ice cream parlor eating what appeared to be his seventh chocolate and strawberry banana sundae. But when he looked again, the booth was empty. Shrugging, he jogged slightly to catch up to his team.

Shinsui let himself down from the ceiling where he had hid himself from Naruto. He was supposed to have reported to his brother hours ago and didn't put it past the kid to get him in trouble. Looking at his watch, he ran out the back exit to beat them to Toshinro's.

Naruto could just make out a neon sign that said _Toshinro's Barbeque, _when Jiraiya suddenly stopped in his tracks, a look of horror etched on his face.

"What's a matter, Jiraiya-kun?" Orochimaru asked in concern.

"I sense a disturbance in the force. A great evil is making its way closer and closer." Jiraiya darted his eyes everywhere. The other three teens were confused by what he meant, by Sarutobi had an inkling.

A knowing smile present on his face, Sarutobi said, "I think he's talking about his--"

"JIRAIYA-KUUUUUN!!" a loud female voice said from behind them. Jiraiya turned around--

--and got a face full of _enormous_ cleavage. Arms wrapped around him and lifted him up, preventing his escape. The woman was about two inches shorter than Sarutobi and wore a blue and red kimono. She had absolutely gorgeous platinum hair that was a combination of white, silver, and shining platinum.

"I've missed you, Jiraiya-kun! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were avoiding your favorite aunty. But you'd never do that! No no no!" As she said this, she flung him around in her arms like a dog would a steak in its teeth.

"Murmph raumph!" Jiraiya protested in mumbled panic, kicking his legs wildly.

This disturbing scene went on for nearly a minute when Sarutobi finally spoke up. "Excuse me, Ryouyou-san, but I think Jiraiya needs to breathe."

The large busted woman stopped and stared at the jonin before realizing that the human hostage she held against her bosom slowing down his attempts for freedom.

"Ah! So sorry, Jiraiya-kun. You know how I get around my favoritest, cutest nephew. I just can't help myself," she said as she dropped Jiraiya to the ground where he began gulping great lung fulls of air into his lungs.

The white haired teenager allowed his heartbeat to return to normal before answering. "It's all right, Aunty Ry. I just wish you wouldn't embarrass me so much in front of my team."

Ryouyou looked at the other four members of Team Three. "Ah ha! So you three must be Tsunade-hime, Orochimaru-teme and Hiruzen-sensei I've heard so much about. But I'm afraid Jir-kun has never mentioned you before," she said to Naruto.

_Holy hell! Her tits are just as big as Tsunade's will be! _Naruto then realized she was talking to him. He shook his head and answered her. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto," he said with a polite bow, "and I was just placed on Jiraiya's team today."

Ryouyou beamed wildly. "It's super awesome to meet you all! My name is Mekuru Ryouyou. Not only am I Jiraiya-kun's favorite auntie, but I'm also the super successful authoress of--"

She reached into her kimono and brought out a comic book.

"—the super popular Sex Sex Utopia!" It was a red and blue covered manga that had a very scantily covered beautiful girl posing sexily and winking outward to the reader. Naruto could make out a warning on the cover that said, "Absolutely NOT intended for minors unless otherwise specified." He briefly wondered what that meant.

Hiruzen's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw that it was the latest edition, not even released in stores yet. He absolutely HAD to have it. But he couldn't make a scene in front of his students. Three of them already suspected him of being a closet pervert. No need to ruin Naruto's image of him.

Thankfully, Jiraiya spoke up. "Yes, yes Auntie Ry. Everybody knows how you made a fortune selling a very graphic hentai. Unfortunately, we have to go meet Shinsui-sama at Toshinro's. We'll have to hang out later," he said with a sad puppy dog pout that fooled no one.

"Oh pooh," Ryouyou said in a huff. "I was on my way to see my publisher anyway. It's been three months since I wrote a new chapter and my readers are getting very huffy." She looked at Tsunade and gave a suggestive wink. "You should come model for me some time, cutie. See ya later!" she called as she began walking down the street, receiving many cat calls from men and jealous looks from women.

_SCORE! _Sarutobi thought exuberantly in his head. The next part was coming out soon!

"Sorry about that, guys," Jiraiya said to his teammates. "My aunt can get a little…over happy to see me. Probably because I'm the only one in the family who likes her work."

Tsunade looked at him in confusion. "Is your aunt…gay?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Nah. She's bi," Jiraiya said nonchalantly.

A growling noise came from Orochimaru's stomach. He blushed deeply. "Can we please go to the restaurant now?"

"Hells yeah!" Tsunade agreed. "I'm frickin starving!"

Just as the group started walking again--

"Yo! Hiruzen!" a male voice called out.

"Oh for the love of crap!" Tsunade said angrily.

Looking behind them yet again, the team saw a man in his early thirties making his way down the street, two other people behind him.

"Koharu said you got a new kid, so I came to meet him." The man speaking wore glasses on his face and had a brown, pointed goatee on his chin. He wore a black jonin vest over a deep blue muscle shirt. His black pants seemed to have even more pockets than Naruto's camouflage ones did. He had a metal arm brace on each arm. Coming to a stop before Team Sarutobi, the man pushed his glasses up his nose with the heel of his hand.

Sarutobi smiled at the man. "Naruto, this is my other genin teammate, Mitokado Homura. Homura, this is Uzumaki Naruto, the newest addition to my team." The blonde and brunette bowed to each other.

Naruto heard a snort of laughter come from both Jiraiya and Tsunade. Looking behind Homura, Naruto saw the spitting image of Sakura…in male form. Large forehead, green eyes, and bubble gum pink hair in a style similar to Kakashi's.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up you brats," the pink haired man said in contempt. "But we'll see who's laughing when I kick your scrawny asses twelve ways to Sunday." He had a navy blue chunin vest over a white collared shirt. He wore crimson jeans with several holes torn in them and black sandals. At his lest side was a katana with the kanji for "bad ass" written multiple times on the hilt.

"My name is Haruno Kotetsu, and I despise people who laugh at my hair," he said to Naruto with a scowl on his face.

The blonde smiled with understanding. "It's okay. I knew someone just like you in my home town. We were pretty good friends actually."

Kotetsu smiled at Naruto. "You're okay kid," he said as he extended his hand which Naruto shook.

When they finished shaking, Kotetsu looked back to his black haired female teammate who had kept behind Homura as though afraid of the younger teens. "They're not gonna bite, Emi. Come introduce yourself."

She shuffled forward silently while her fingers tapped together in nervous embarrassment. She wore a gray and white baggy jacket under her black chunin vest. "A-ano," she said quietly as she briefly looked into Naruto's eyes, showing her deep obsidian irises for only a second. "My n-name is Uchiha E-Emi and I don't l-like loud noises or m-mean people."

"Well you're the nicest Uchiha I've ever met. It's a pleasure to meet you, Emi-san," Naruto said to her kindly. _Good lord. It's like Hinata and Sasuke had a kid. Yeesh. But she's a nice girl nonetheless. _

"Th-thank you, Naruto-san," she said as she blushed crimson.

Sarutobi looked around intently, searching for the third teammate. "Where's Kobune at?" he asked Homura.

Homura shrugged. "He saw some new shuriken at Itsutsu's that he just had to have." Looking over his shoulder, he said, "He should be along any--ah there he is!" The jonin said as a blur came running down the dirt road.

The missing teammate came skidding to a halt in front of Naruto. His spiky blonde hair was ruffled from running and his blue eyes twinkled with laughter. He stuck his hand out to Naruto.

"Nice to meet you! My name is Namikaze Kobune!"

* * *

Vorago's Notes 

Does that count as a cliffhanger?

Tried first person just to let you all see the world the way Shinsui does, since he's such a popular character.

Updated 9-27-08: Changed Kisho to Hiruzen just to shut everyone up. I am NOT chaning Shinsui's name since I had to build his character from the ground up. Kishimoto seems obsessed with "Tobi", doesn't he? We got Tobi in Akatsuki, Sarutobi in Konoha, and now Tobirama--and that seems more like a convention honoring that orange masked goofball than the Nidaime's name. That's just my opinion though.

(Check out my profile for more notes and translations)

* * *

I shall call him…

Iyaomoi stood with her back to the Hokage's office, making sure that the thing in there didn't get out. As the Hokage's secretary, she was in charge of taking care of Hashirama's office while he was gone.

When she went in there to drop off some mission order forms, Iyaomoi saw that thing in there tearing up books and causing mass havoc in the office. She would have called for help in getting rid of it, but unfortunately she was mute and could only communicate via NSL (Ninja Sign Language) or writing words out. Both forms of communication were lost to her as she had to use her hands to keep the door from opening outwards.

Relief flooded her mind when she heard the Shodai's and the designate Nidaime's voices coming up the stairs.

"How was I supposed to know you couldn't handle that much tequila?" Shinsui asked his brother as they came upon the top floor where Iyaomoi was.

Hashirama grabbed his head in pain and closed his eyes. "You should know my limit by now from all the times you dragged me to a party with you; and don't talk so freakin loud."

As he came upon his office, Hashirama noticed his secretary standing in front of the door, baring their entrance. "Move aside, Iyaomoi. I need the aspirin from my desk."

Iyaomoi shook her head frantically and made several panicky signs with her hands.

Both Hashirama and Shinsui stared at her in confusion. "You know we can't understand a word you're signing," Hashirama said, "so I don't know why you keep insisting we do."

A loud crashing noise made the brothers look at the door with extreme curiosity, while Iyaomoi looked on the verge of a breakdown.

"What was that noise, Iyaomoi?" Hashirama asked her, his migraine becoming the least of his worries.

"Maybe its presents!" Shinsui exclaimed excitedly. "So many presents piled on your desk that it buckled under the pressure."

"Presents for what?" Hashirama asked with a raised eye brow.

"Who cares?" Shinsui said as he moved the terrified secretary out of the way. "Maybe they're from the villagers thanking us for doing such a great job taking care of the village."

Throwing the doors open in excitement, Shinsui was momentarily struck dumb at what really awaited them within the office.

A six foot tall velociraptor stood in the middle of the office, the tattered remains of a book hanging from its jaws. When it saw the white haired water master staring at it, the brown scaled dinosaur let loose a screech and sprung, the talon on its left foot primed to gut open the ninja.

Shinsui disappeared with a blur of speed and punched the raptor squarely in the face. It hit the opposite wall with a cry of pain and fell unconscious.

"Scratch number four off the list of things I want to do before I die," Shinsui said.

Hashirama gazed at the unconscious reptile in amazement. "How the hell did a velociraptor get in my office? They're supposed to be extinct!"

Shinsui turned to look at his brother. "What should we do with it?" he asked.

The elder Senju gave a shrug. "It's not up to me. You beat it, and according to the law of ninja, you get to decide its fate."

Shinsui looked back to the unconscious dino. Thinking hard, he realized that its size was perfect for something else he always wanted to do.

"I shall call him…Yoshi," Shinsui said while holding a saddle.


	9. Feel Good Inc

What did one snowman say to the other?

* * *

Original Chapter Title:

_How to Lose Your Mind in Ten Simple Steps_

_

* * *

_

There was so much pain. It was unthinkable. It was intolerable.

It was inhuman.

He was on the floor of his chamber, grasping his chest as the white aura tore into him like the thousand angry souls they were. Kyuubi breathed a sigh of relief as his demon body finally sent the demonic red chakra his way to shield him from his past victims. There was a ghostly wail of rage as the white aura of souls disappeared.

Panting heavily as sweat poured down his brow, the sandy blonde haired man stood and made his way into the cage that held his limitless supply of chakra and power.

The giant beast's inhale and exhale of breath would have blown the man away had the red and black clad man not had complete control of reality in here. He made his way around the head of his demon body and walked to the back of the cage, where an orb of pure demon chakra hovered in mid air.

Truth of the matter was Kyuubi could have easily used his demonic chakra to completely stop the angry souls from taking their revenge. But if he did that, then the small kidney shaped object enveloped in the orb of hellish chakra would die due to its lifeline being cut.

Kyuubi gazed at the embryo looking thing with a smile similar to that a brand new father would his newborn son.

"I will never let you die," he said lovingly as he gently caressed the orb. "For you are my freedom…my one true hope of escaping this prison. And one day, we both shall smell the fresh air again as one…" he said as his red eye gleamed with power and malice.

"…my incarnation."

* * *

'_Good lord, those two could be twins!' _Tsunade thought to herself as she gazed at the mirror images in front of her. Aside from the whisker marks, age/height difference and varying clothes, the two blue eyed blondes looked exactly the same.

Kobune wore sage green pants with the Konoha leaf symbol carved into the belt buckle. He wore a brown short sleeve shirt under (for some strange reason) an orange Jounin vest with the Namikaze symbol of an elongated dagger and a sword making an X atop a crashing wave stitched on the right breast.

On Kobune's left side lying vertically on the shoulder, a 7 inch dagger was sheathed upside down in a black sheath. On the butt of the weapon was the clan symbol. The older blonde had a crimson tattoo on each underarm between the wrist and elbow of some strange symbol that Naruto was unfamiliar with. It looked like a double helix twisting around into a sideways figure eight.

Naruto shook Kobune's hand tentatively, as he thought something seemed oddly familiar about the older blonde. "Nice to meet you too, Kobune-san," Naruto said as the Namikaze enveloped Naruto's hand in both of his and pumped their arms up and down.

"So you're the infamous Naruto that was running through the streets earlier, huh? Didn't see it myself, but heard from my friend Sakumo that it was quite the spectacle," Kobune said as he released Naruto's hand. "Said you were under some sort of seal that opened your gates?"

"Yeah," Naruto said as he massaged his throbbing hand. Kobune had a pretty strong grip.

Kobune saw the other members of Team Sarutobi grinned widely. "How you guys doin' on the be-e-a-utiful night?" he asked as he slung an arm around Kotetsu's shoulder. The pink haired man scowled and tried to escape his teammate's contact. But it was a useless attempt as Kobune ducked and weaved with him, as though he was some sort of blonde, spiky tumor. Kotetsu finally growled in annoyance while gripping his katana.

Kobune hastily let go.

Jiraiya chuckled at Kobune's crazy antics. He was always like that whenever he hung out with Team Sarutobi.

"Any who," the Namikaze said as took a few steps away from danger, "I heard you guys were going to Toshinro's and wanted to ask if you guys had room for one more?" he asked in a hopeful tone.

Sarutobi gave a hearty laugh. "Of course we do, Kobune-kun. After all the Suiton jutsus you've taught my students it's the least we could do."

"Sweetness! Free food!" Kobune exclaimed in triumph as he jumped wildly in the air and proceeded to do several flips.

Hiruzen smiled evilly as a thought came to him. "Whoever said anything about paying for your meal? I only said you could join our party, not eat for free."

Kobune crashed into the ground with tears streaming down his eyes. "You're so mean to me, Hiru-kun," he sobbed. "And after I saved your pet turtle's life when it was choking on that dry toast last month."

Sarutobi sweat dropped. "That wasn't my turtle, and you didn't save its life. We tried telling you but you wouldn't listen. The Heimlich maneuver doesn't work on a hard shelled reptile!"

The blonde heap on the ground quickly stopped crying and blinked several times. "Oh yeah," Kobune said as he lifted himself onto his hands and began hand walking around. "It's not easy to forget the ones you lost but you should always keep them alive in your heart."

"As I was saying," Sarutobi said to bring the conversation back to the realm of sanity, "you're welcome to join us for barbeque tonight AND I'll pay for your meal IF you agree to teach Naruto a Suiton jutsu."

Kobune tipped his head to the side in confusion. "Doesn't he already have Shinsui as a second sensei? Why can't he teach him since he has a much better understanding and mastery over water than I do?"

Sarutobi looked a bit uncomfortable answering him. "Shinsui-sama…isn't the most…sane of teachers."

Naruto scoffed. "Understatement of the year," he muttered.

Sarutobi ignored his new student and continued. "I'd rather Naruto learn a few water jutsu to impress Shinsui early on so he will hopefully go a bit easier on him and not break too many bones at once."

"Wait what?" the Uzumaki said in confusion. "I thought he was just kidding when he said he was going to wail on---can I help you?" Naruto said as Kobune had gotten right up in his face, staring intently at him.

"The real question is," Kobune said as he circled around the younger blonde and sized him up, "can I help you?" He then stopped in front of him and grabbed Naruto on each side of the head and closed his eyes in concentration.

Naruto was about to take Kobune's hands of his head and run the opposite direction as fast as he could, when he suddenly felt…good. It was a though an inner peace had come over him, making him momentarily forget all his problems and all the crazy shit that had been happening to him lately.

"What are they doing?" Orochimaru asked his sensei in confusion as the two teams watched the two blondes just stand there.

Instead, Homura was the one that answered. "It is a secret Namikaze technique that allows the user to help understand another ninja better. It's sort of like the Yamanaka mind walk technique, but explores the chakra system instead of the brain. Kobune is seeing what Naruto's elemental affiliation is so that he can know if it will be easy or difficult to teach Naruto Suiton."

Sarutobi continued the explanation. "If Naruto is an earth type, then learning water techniques will be easier for him since Doton is stronger than Suiton. But if he's a fire type, then water will be much more difficult since water is fire's natural enemy."

"So why couldn't Kobune just use one of those chakra papers that you gave us?" Tsunade asked.

Sarutobi paused to think about how he should best answer his student's question, but it was Kobune's female teammate that answered.

"The N-Namikaze clan are the ones wh-who grow the chakra affiliation tr-trees. Some sa-say that because they plant and nurture the tr-tress, the Namikazes understand the human chakra sys-system better than most medics." Emi gulped heavily and continued. "It has even been said that th-they can unlock the true potential of a ninja's affiliation and make it easier for th-them to learn jutsus with that element. But they only do it f-for someone that the clan head truly believes is worthy so Kobune-kun is only looking to see what N-Naruto's affiliation is."

As Emi finished her explanation of the Namikaze clan, Kobune let go of Naruto's head. He crossed his left arm across his chest and rubbed his chin with his right. "Strong with the force, this one is," he said in a sage like tone.

"I feel dizzy," Naruto said as he stumbled around with dizzy circles in his eyes.

"Perfectly normal side effect. It should go away soon," Kobune said as Naruto fell to the ground in a heap.

"Well?" Orochimaru said as he, Jiraiya, and Tsunade surrounded the Namikaze.

"Well what?" Kobune said in fake tone of confusion.

Tsunade cracked her fists in annoyance. "What's Naruto's elemental affinity?"

"Oh," Kobune said in realization. "Why didn't you just say so?" He smiled widely, bit his thumb, and made a few quick hand signs. **"Kuchiyose no jutsu!" **

The three teens hacked and coughed as the summoning smoke obscured their vision of the blonde Jounin. Naruto picked himself off the ground and wondered in fascination what sort of creature Kobune was summoning just to tell him what affinity he had. Homura, Kotetsu, and Emi just sighed as they knew what was coming next.

When the smoke cleared, Naruto had another person to add to his list of crazies.

Kobune was dress in a fancy navy blue tuxedo with an orange tie and held a microphone in his right hand. A giant wheel with a symbol for each of the five elements spaced around it stood beside him.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to tonight's very special edition of…" Kobune held his mike out expectantly to his teammates and sensei. They all gave a loud sigh and said unenthusiastically, "Wheel of Elements!" It was just a lot easier to play along with the blonde man than argue with him.

"That's absolutely correct!" Kobune said as he gave Emi a hearty slap on the ass. "Eeep!" she cried and blushed deep red. The blonde haired man quickly disappeared as Kotetsu gave a cry of rage and slashed at the spot his teammate had just occupied.

'_That sonofabitch! How dare he do that to Emi-chan!'_ the pink haired man seethed as he gripped his katana tightly. _'He knows how I feel about her and did that just to piss me off!'_

Emi, however, was having very different thoughts. _'Kobune-kun actually touched my butt! Does that mean he…?' _She blushed deeper and hugged herself tightly as naughty thoughts danced through her head.

'_Weird,' _Naruto thought as he watched this very strange show. Before he could contemplate this peculiar team any further, he gave a loud "Gack!" as he was grabbed by the neck and was hurried over to the giant wheel by Kobune.

"Our contestant tonight is one Naruto Uzumaki who just became a Konoha shinobi today. Tell us Naruto, what do you think of our fine village so far?" the Namikaze said as he placed the microphone in front of the younger blonde's face.

"Uh," Naruto said as he tried to think of something to say. "It's…awesome?"

"Damn right it is!" Kobune said loudly to the audience of seven ninja before them. "Now then, young Uzumaki; spin the Wheel of Destiny!"

"I thought it was the Wheel of Ele---"

"Just spin the damn thing."

Naruto sighed, grabbed the wheel by its side, and gave a hefty spin. The two teams watched intently as the symbols melded together in a blur of color. The arrow at the top clicked and clacked as the stopping pegs that separated each section hit it.

Then ever so slowly, the wheel began to slow. Naruto held his breath in anticipation as the wheel began its final round and came to a stop on…

"Congratulations! Your elemental affinity is Wind, a powerful element that specializes in cutting your opponents to shreds and blowing away the competition!" Kobune said as the seven audience ninja applauded and whistled. "We hope you had fun and we'll see you next time on Wheel of Elements!"

Then with another poof of smoke, the wheel disappeared and Kobune was back in his regular clothes.

Naruto just stood there looking confused. "Wouldn't it have been a whole lot easier just to tell me my element was wind?" he asked the older blonde.

Kobune scoffed. "Would have, but would also have been boring," he said as he took his knife out and started twirling it between his fingers with expert precession.

As though it was choreographed, each stomach of the four teenagers gave a mighty growl.

"We can we please go get some freakin' food?" Jiraiya said as he wrapped both arms around his middle and gave a wide eyed puppy dog look.

Homura chuckled at the young Mekuru's antics. "We have held you long enough, Hiruzen. Enjoy your meal and tell Shinsui-sama I said hi." He then turned to his students. "We'll reconvene tomorrow at oh eight hundred. Don't be late," he said to the whole team but gave a specific glare to Kobune.

"Yeah, yeah. I gotcha. See you guys tomorrow," Kobune said as he sheathed his dagger and waved goodbye to his teammates.

"Bye dude," Kotetsu said as Emi tapped her fingers together and gave a small smile to the blonde.

When Team Sarutobi and Kobune headed off, Homura disappeared in a swirl of leaves, leaving the Haruno and Uchiha alone.

"Can I - uh- walk you home, Emi-chan?" Kotetsu said while nervously scratching the back of his head.

Emi gave a cute smile and nodded. "That'd be nice, Kotetsu-kun."

The two walked back to the Uchiha district in a silence that was neither awkward nor unfriendly, Kotetsu with a small spring in his step and Emi thinking back to when Kobune's shirt had fallen when he was upside down.

* * *

As the odd sextuple made their way to Toshinro's at last, Kobune was showing his newly purchased shuriken to Naruto, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru.

"They're called Midnight Screamers," Kobune said as he held one of the throwing stars in between his thumb and fore finger. The shuriken was jet black and was a bit larger than regulation shuriken. "When they pierce the target, they shatter and send a dozen bits of shrapnel tearing through the poor sonuvabitch." He spied a wooden bench and grinned.

"For example," he said and tossed one of the Screamers into the side of the bench. When the star hit, nothing happened for a second. Then a shrill cry came from the shuriken as it exploded and turned the bench into several pieces of fire wood.

"Awesome!" Naruto and Jiraiya said as one. Even Orochimaru was mildly impressed.

Tsunade gave a small laugh. "Boys and their toys," she said as she shook her head and silently made a reminder to get some of those herself.

The group stopped as they were suddenly bathed in the holy light that was Toshinro's neon sign. _Best BBQ in all of Fire Country_ the sign under it proclaimed_. _It was the most beautiful thing the hungry teens had ever seen.

As Naruto was about to enter, Kobune put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Not yet kid," he said in awe as he gazed upward at the sign. "Don't ruin the moment."

Orochimaru pushed past them. "Fuck that. I'm hungry."

As the rest of the group entered the restaurant, they were greeted by an oily haired _maître d_' that talked with a snooty accent.

"Hello and welcome to Toshinro's. My name is Karozen and are you two Uzumaki and Sarutobi?" he asked looking to Naruto and Hiruzen.

The two in question looked at each other. "Yes," they said to Karozen.

The head server pulled two envelopes from his pocket. "Shinsui-san asked me to deliver these to you when you arrived."

Naruto and Sarutobi took their letters and simultaneously opened them. It only took a second to read, but both of their hearts were filled with fear by the two words that were written on both letters.

"CONSTANT VIGALLENCE!!!" Shinsui and his shadow clone screamed as they went to roundhouse kick Naruto and Sarutobi. Fortunately for Sarutobi, he had years of experience of being attacked at random intervals from his insane sensei and was able to duck in time.

Unfortunately for Naruto, he was new to the game and got a face full of shadow clone foot for his trouble and went crashing out into the street.

Unfortunatelyer for Kobune, he was right behind Sarutobi when he ducked and thusly got a face full of real Shinsui foot and went crashing out into the street on top of Naruto. Kobune might have been a Jounin, but Shinsui was the better Jounin.

"Damn. I missed," Shinsui said as he gazed is disappointment at the blonde heap out in the street that wasn't his target.

His shadow clone sniggered. "I guess that makes me the better Shinsui," the clone said in an arrogant tone.

The real Shinsui glared at his copy. "You just got the easy target. At least I took out a Jounin! Not some Genin fresh on the market, ya weak ass bitch!"

"Who you callin' a bitch, bitch!?" the clone said, getting all up in Shinsui's face.

"I'm callin you a bitch, you fugly sonuvabitch! You wanna go, then let's go! "

"You ain't gonna do nothin' you stupid ass, mother fu-- GWAH!" the fake said in excruciating pain when the real Shinsui kicked him in the balls. Hard.

"This (wheeze) ain't over (hack), bitch," the clone said before it disappeared in a poof of smoke while flipping the real Shinsui off.

All was silent in the restaurant as everyone stared at the extremely unorthodox happening. Then someone called out, "It's just Shinsui!" and everyone went back to their meals, eating and talking and carrying on, completely unperturbed when they learned it was the designate Nidaime and not some escaped mental patient.

"Did someone get the number of the Akimichi that hit me?" Kobune said groggily as he sat up and rubbed his head.

"No," came a reply from under him, "but would you kindly GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Naruto yelled as he tried to shove the bigger and heavier blonde off him.

"Whoops! Scuse me!" Kobune said as he got to his feet and helped Naruto up.

Both blondes headed back inside and wiped the footprints off their faces. When they arrived, Shinsui instantly went up to Kobune and apologized.

"I am SO sorry about that, Kobune-kun. I had no idea that Banana was going to duck like that. Are you okay?"

Kobune put a hand on Shinsui's shoulder to assure his well being. "I'm fine, Shinsui. You know I got a thick skull and I know you didn't do it on purpose," he said with a gentle tone. He slowly moved his lips towards Shinsui's.

"That's good," Shinsui said as he too slowly moved his head. "I don't know what I would do without you." He closed his eyes.

Naruto, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Sarutobi looked on in disgust at what the two men were about to do. Tsunade, however, had a slight blush to her disapproving gaze.

As the two ninja's lips inched closer and closer, Jiraiya was ready to throw up. But just before the young pervert expelled his stomach, Kobune reared back his head in disgust.

"I can't do it! I just can't do it! Yuck!" he cried as he held his head in both hands and shook it violently.

"YES!" Shinsui yelled in triumph, making the peace sign with his fingers. "I am the king of Gay Chicken! That makes my winning streak 14 to nothing, loser! Ha!"

Each member of team Sarutobi had a large sweat drop running down the back of his or her head. "They were just joking?" Jiraiya said in bewilderment. "Would they actually have done it if neither had chickened out?"

Orochimaru held his forehead as though he had a bad migraine. "Please don't put that disturbing imagery in my head, Jiraiya-kun."

"Well I'm sorry, but I'm not the one who almost made out with another dude in a crowded restaurant, now am I?" Jiraiya said, his tone growing louder with each word.

"Both of you chill out!" Tsunade said stepping between the two teens as they glared daggers at each other.

Jiraiya pointed angrily at his pale teammate. "He's the one who started--"

"ENOUGH!" Sarutobi shouted as his chakra spiked and his killer intent flooded Toshinro's, making several civilians piss themselves in terror. "We are going to stop all this bullshit of kicking people in the head, pretending to be gay, and fighting with our teammates! We are going to sit down and have a nice dinner as friends! Got it?!" he demanded of the other six ninja.

Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and Tsunade quickly apologized and promised to be good. They weren't about to run a hundred laps around the village if they could help it.

Even Shinsui was humbled by his former student's show of force. Monkey boy may have been a quiet kid a long time ago, but he was now the epitome of a ninja. Strong, courageous, knew plenty of jutsu, and was frickin scary when he wanted to be.

"Wow," Naruto murmured quietly to himself. He had never seen the one he always called Old Man and ate ramen with so scary. He'd have to remember to get along with his new teammates whenever Hiruzen Sarutobi was around.

Kobune was the only one who seemed unaffected by Sarutobi's anger. He put an arm around the other Jounin's neck and smiled jovially.

"Chill out, banana hammock. If you keep up with such a bad vibe all the time, you're going to scare away your adorable students," he said motioning to the four nervous Genin.

Sarutobi growled and made to try and break Kobune's little finger.

Try being key word as Kobune showed off his impressive speed once again and was now in front of Karozen. "I believe we have a private booth with our names on it," Kobune said as he placed a 1000 ryou bill into the head server's front pocket.

Karozen smiled and led the seven ninja to a booth near the back of the restaurant where they could get loud and annoying and not bother too many other patrons. Orochimaru, Sarutobi, Shinsui and Tsunade occupied the left seat while Jiraiya, Kobune and Naruto sat opposite them.

When Karozen had given them their menus and left, Shinsui eyed his menu and said, "You do know I already paid for a private booth, don't you Kobune?"

Kobune stared at the white haired man in confusion for a few seconds before he slammed his palm into his face. "You couldn't tell me that before I wasted my money?"

"Nope," Shinsui said with a wide grin.

"Why not?" the blonde asked his friend.

"'Cuz it was funny," the water master said as he picked out his entrée.

Kobune was about to retort in anger, thought about for a few seconds, and returned to his menu. "Yeah. Kinda was," he said nonchalantly while thinking of some devious way to get the water master back for wasting his money.

Karozen returned to their table with his notepad out ready to take their orders. "Is everyone ready to order?"

Since Naruto was the new team member, everyone had already agreed to let him order first. "I'll have the beef cooked extra well and…uh…some rice balls and dango for a side dish." A frown came to the blondes face as he realized what he had ordered. "No wait. I didn't mean those last two---" the left side of his face gave a small twitch. "Yes I did!" he said quickly as he hurriedly handed his menu to Karozen and looked down at the table as though fascinated by it.

Everyone else was too engrossed making last minute selections to their meal to notice, but as Tsunade was sitting across from Naruto, she briefly thought his left eye took on a light shade of green when confirming his order. She dismissed the thought when he looked up and his eye was the same cerulean blue it had always been.

When the rest had ordered, Karozen took their menus back up and placed a sake bottle and seven small bowls on the table. Shinsui grabbed the bottle and poured everyone a drink.

"Uh Shinsui-sama," Orochimaru said gazing disapprovingly as the white haired man poured the alcohol into his dish. "Aren't we a little young to be drinking?" Jiraiya and Tsunade gave him a dirty look as they lowered their own dishes from their lips.

Shinsui and Kobune gave a hearty laugh. "You must not have heard of the new rule the hidden villages agreed on," the blonde Jounin said as he downed his dish in one go. He let out a loud belch and continued. "Hokage-sama and the other Kages all got together about two months ago to discuss where the Chunin exams will be held later this year. One thing led to another and next thing ya know, they've all had one too many and decide that adults shouldn't be the only ones to enjoy this ambrosia," he said as he jiggled the sake bottle.

"So in their drunken stupor," Shinsui picked up as Kobune began drinking straight from the bottle, "they voted to lower the legal drinking, gambling, and marriage age to whenever the hell you become a ninja. It's like the Raikage said: 'Old enough to kill, old enough to drink and piss away your money on those fucking card games.'"

"Here, here!" Jiraiya and Tsunade said as one as they each took a large gulp and ordered a few more bottles be sent their way. Orochimaru stared at his saucer for a few seconds, shrugged, and downed it. Sarutobi drank his with as much dignity and grace as he could when surrounded by crazy.

Naruto hesitantly sniffed the strong smelling alcohol and decided to try it.

What harm could come from just a few small saucer drinks?

--117 minutes later--

"Whoo! This shit's good!" Naruto exclaimed loudly as he started on his third bottle. His proclamation was met with a resounding "Hoorah!" from Kobune, Shinsui, Jiraiya, and Tsunade, their faces red and moods extremely good. Orochimaru and Sarutobi had limited themselves to only a quarter bottle each, the pale child due to his extremely low resistance and the monkey summoner because he knew that someone would have to create enough shadow clones to carry their drunk asses home.

The food had been extremely good and the booze even better. The group laughed and traded stories for the first half hour then traded and tasted each others' food when it was brought out to them. Several other proprietors had wanted to tell the overzealous group to quiet down when the booze started to flow too happily, but no one had the balls to tell Shinsui and Kobune to quiet down. They were bad enough when sober, and no one wanted to wake up with their house in the middle of the lake.

The seven ninja stayed till closing time when Karozen had them all leave. Hiccupping slightly, Sarutobi created two shadow clones to escort Kobune back to the Namikaze estate and Jiraiya back to his house. The two left singing "Danny Boy" very loudly as their shadow clone escorts tried to keep them from swaying all over the street. Orochimaru had enough sense to find his way back to his empty house where a cup of tea and a good book awaited him.

Sarutobi looked to his two blonde students. Tsunade was giggling at a joke Naruto had told her involving two priests and a talking camel. "Do you two need me to escort you back to your domiclees…dominate…homes?" he asked, the word he was looking for evading his inebriated mind.

"No thanksh, Sharubobi-sensu," Tsunade said as she stumbled around to look at him. "The Senju eskate ain't dat fur from here. Me and Umble Shinswee can make it." The trio looked over to see the blue clad man making out with a lamppost.

The talk of getting home made Naruto realize something. "Aw shit," he exclaimed as he slapped his forehead, "I don has a plaze to stay tonightz."

Before the Jounin could offer Naruto his apartment to stay at, Shinsui threw himself heavily onto Naruto's back, nearly making the blonde's knees buckle.

"Aw yeah, I furget to tells you dat you be stayping with us for a few nights, until Hashi getz you an afartment," the water master said.

Tsunade didn't look too happy at the prospect of her new teammate sleeping in the same house as her, but somehow knew that Naruto would be enough of a gentleman not to pull a Jiraiya during the night.

"Whaevas," she said as she walked away, Naruto following and dragging his second sensei on his shoulder. "See yous tommara, Sarupopi-senbu," she said waving to her sensei.

Sarutobi shook his head. "Those kids are gonna has one hell of a headaches in the mornink. And knowing Shinsui, he ain't gonna make it any easier on dem." With that, the Jounin disappeared in a swirl of leaves and hiccups, desperately hoping he appeared in his apartment and not Homura's again.

* * *

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, a hunter nin ran for all he was worth.

"Oh God they're dead. All of them dead!" he said in a panic as he jumped from tree limb to tree limb to escape his pursuer. The moonlight briefly illuminated his porcelain mask and the downward arrow etched into it revealed him to be a ninja of Takigakure, the Hidden Waterfall village.

As he landed on the next branch, something lashed out of the darkness and tripped him, sending him crashing to the ground fifty feet below. He landed on his ankle and let out a scream of pain when it snapped cleanly at a 70 degree angle.

"So pathetic," came a male voice from the shadows. Looking around feverishly, the hunter spotted the one he had been hunting, but now the shoe was on the other foot and he was the prey. "You're not even in the bingo book so killing you wouldn't be worth a single ryou."

"Th-then let me go, please! Like you said, I'm worthless to you!" the ninja on the ground sobbed.

The man's pupil less green eyes glowed with greed. "Oh I wouldn't say totally worthless," he said as hundreds of black tendrils slithered out of his body. "Water, wind, lightning and fire. All that's missing is earth."

The screams of the hunter nin echoed long after his heart was torn from his body and absorbed into the ex-Taki ninja known as Naitoshi Kakuzu. He let out a shuddering breath as the Jiongu ritual finished. Feeling the power of a new element flowing through him, Kakuzu furiously flew through two dozen hand signs and unleashed an earth dragon that destroyed several trees.

Kakuzu laughed cruelly as he continued his way to Fire country. He had a very special prize waiting for him there.

* * *

Omake: My little buddy

Shinsui and Kobune sat on a park bench with totally bored expressions on their faces. The sun was high and they had absolutely nothin to do. Each was trying to think of an idea, only to shoot it down when they realized it was either too troublesome to do, of just didn't give a rat's ass.

Shinsui's eyes lit up as he thought of a totally awesome thing to do.

"Wanna go and create a bunshin out of every element and combine it into one super awesome clone?" he asked Kobune excitedly.

Kobune just stared at him. "That's a great idea!" he said as they both jumped up and ran to the training grounds.

--30 minutes later--

"Okay," Kobune said as he gazed over the blue prints he and Shinsui had drawn up. "All the bunshin we're aware of are shadow, water, wind, fire, lightning, earth, clay, and wood, right?"

"Right," Shinsui agreed.

"This is going to take a LOT of chakra and concentration. Are you sure you're up to it?" the blonde asked his friend in a worried tone.

Shinsui stared disbelievingly at Kobune. "Dude. I'm awesome, remember?"

"Riiiiight," the Namikaze said. "You get ready and I'm going to hide-- I mean observe from behind those sandbags." He then ran the fifty meters to the protective bags and put on some goggles.

"Whenever you're ready!" he called out to Shinsui.

The Senju just grinned wildly as he drew on a monstrous amount of chakra.

"Kage/Mizu/Kaze/Ho/Rai/Chi/Touji/Moku Bunshin no jutsu!"

--1 hour later--

"You awake yet, dude?" a voice said to him from faraway.

Shinsui grimaced as he opened his eyes to the blindingly white light of the hospital ceiling.

"How'd I get here?" he asked as he sat up and rubbed his temples.

Kobune handed him a glass of water. "You fainted after using so much chakra, so I brought you here. While you were out I proceeded to acquire over a dozen phone numbers from some very fine nurses."

"Freakin womanizer," Shinsui said as he drank his water.

"You look better in blue than green, dude," Kobune said smugly.

The door opened and a pretty blonde nurse entered the room. "Glad to see you're awake, Shinsui-sama," she said as she made her way over to the foot of the bed and checked his chart. "Your vitals are good, despite such a large loss of chakra. You'll be fine as long as you take it easy for a few days."

"Great," Shinsui said as he swung his legs over the bed. "If that's all, then I'm out."

"There is one more…uh…'thing' you should be aware of," the nurse said in a careful tone.

Shinsui raised one eyebrow in curiosity. "And that would be…what?"

"Well, since you used eight different elements, they combined with each other to make a self-sustaining entity," the nurse said.

Kobune and Shinsui were amazed. They succeeded?

"You mean…we did it?" the snow haired man said.

"We…we created the ultimate clone?" the sun haired man said.

They looked at each other and then jumped up in victory. "Yatta!" they screamed in triumph and high fived mid air.

"However," the blonde nurse said interrupting there high fiving, "he has only 1/8th your power."

"So?" Shinsui said uncaring how strong the super clone was.

"So...since he has 1/8th your power, he's only…"

She pulled opened the door to reveal an exact copy of Shinsui---

"…one eighth your size."

---that was only two and a half feet high.

"Whoa!!!" Shinsui said in amazement as he took in the clone's…greatness. It had everything the original had. White hair, brown eyes and facial tattoos, and blue armor around its cute little body.

The clone took a bashful step forward as Shinsui knelt down to its level.

Wiping a tear from his eye, Shinsui embraced the sin of nature…I mean clone of him. The clone returned the hug by wrapping its tiny arms as far as they could go around the original's body.

Shinsui then held the clone at arm's length and took a deep, shuddering breath. "I shall call him…Mini-me."

* * *

Smells like carrots! Ha!

Naitoshi- combination of the Japanese words naito (knight) and toshi (city)


	10. Psychosocial

Mimes, ninjas, and cholesterol: the silent killers.

* * *

Original chapter title:

_The One in Control _

_

* * *

_

--Unknown Location--

A solitary cloaked figure walked down a dark cave, naught but a lit lantern held in its hand. It was impossible to tell the age or gender of this figure, only that the hooded individual walked with a sense of purpose of its news and humility at who it was about to address.

When the figure reached the end of the cave, it stared at the ornate dagger t lying next to a small golden bowl that held a tiny flickering flame. The figure picked up the dagger, rolled back the sleeve of the left arm, and made a cut on the forearm. As the blood flowed from the wound, the cloaked person placed the edge of the blade to catch the running blood on the dagger. When enough was gathered, the figure flicked the blood from the knife to the fire.

Instantly, the flame from the bowl exploded in a fury of fire and power, and began twisting itself into a humanoid shape. There were no defining features on the fire man; only two red eyes that burned with power.

"**Why have you summoned my avatar here? You know the consequences of disturbing me!" **The voice came from the fiery figure, despite having no mouth.

The cloaked individual lowered itself to one knee and bowed its head. "Forgive me master, but I bring news of great urgency," the figure said in an alto voice, revealing itself as female.

"**Speak now, fool! Or I shall burn you to ash!" **the burning man said in anger.

The cloaked woman raised her head and smiled at the one she served. "The one the Seer spoke of has arrived."

All was silent except for the crackling flames as the fire man stood in stunned silence. **"You mean…it is him?"**

The woman nodded. "Yes, master. The Unborn has arrived in Konoha just as the Seer in Iwa said he would."

"**How are you sure?"**

"He bares markings just like your brother. Three on each cheek, but lighter and less defined," the woman said motioning to each side of her face.

The red eyes lowered to the ground, as if in deliberation. When the blazing figure didn't speak for a few minutes, the woman voiced a question.

"Should the other four be notified?" she asked hesitantly.

"**No,"** her master replied. **"They will find out for themselves eventually. For now, keep watch on the boy and monitor his progress. You are dismissed."**

"Yes, milord," she said as she stood and left the cave. When she was gone, the fire disappeared, but not before one last thing was said to the empty silence.

"**If the Unborn is truly the harbinger of the end as the Seer said, then I shall end him myself before he grows too powerful."**

xxxxxxx

xxxxxxx

--Konoha--

Naruto tossed gently in his sleep as the morning sun crept over the Hidden Leaf village. The bed he was in was in the guest bedroom of the Senju manor and it was very comfortable. After leaving Toshinro's last night and saying goodbye to his drunken teammates, he had carried Shinsui back to the Senju estate, following Tsunade as she stumbled and laughed in drunken jubilation.

After dropping Shinsui off onto his bed where the water master went straight to sleep fully clothed, Tsunade showed Naruto to his temporary room and then she went to hers. The male blonde had taken off his new sandals, shirt, weapon, and jacket then got under the covers and went right off into dreamland.

But that's the thing about sleep. If someone isn't enjoying it, they don't want others to.

-BWOOONNNNG! - went the large brass gong as Kobune struck it right next to Naruto's sleeping head. The younger blonde screamed and launched himself straight up to the ceiling where he stuck to it, not with chakra, but with his fingers and toes piercing into the plaster.

"Impressive," the Namikaze said as he slung the beater over his shoulder and took his earplugs out.

"WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!" Naruto yelled as he twisted his head to look down at the older ninja.

"Not so loud!" Kobune complained as rubbed his temples. "You're not the only one that got shitfaced last night."

Naruto dropped to the floor and glared at the Jonin. "Why the hell are you banging a gong at the CRACK OF DAWN!?"

Kobune winced again and cursed his hangover. "Banana hammock asked me to teach you a water jutsu before your official training with Shinsui starts, right?"

"Yeah," Naruto said as the conversation from the night before surfaced to the top of his mind.

"Well, Shinsui is used to waking up early after a night of heavy drinking and likes to wake his students up by dumping water snakes in their bed. So I'm doing you two favors: teaching you something new and saving you from painful bites."

Naruto grimaced as he imagined being awakened by those slimy reptiles in his bed.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"No prob," Kobune said as he glanced at the door leading to the hallway. "Just meet me at training ground twelve around seven o'clock or whenever you regain consciousness," the Namikaze said as he handed Naruto the gong beater and quickly jumped out the window.

"Wha…?" Naruto said in confusion. He heard the sound of angry footsteps in the hallway before his door was violently smashed down and a very pissed off Tsunade stood there, wearing only a long white T-shirt over her undergarments.

"Uzumaki!" she growled as she cracked her knuckles. "What the hell do you think you're doing banging that damn thing and yelling so loud when decent people are trying to sleep!?"

The male blonde looked from the gong beater in his hands, then to the open window, then to Tsunade and gulped heavily. Naruto recognized that look in her eye. It was the same pissed off look Sakura always had whenever she was about to beat the living…uh oh.

"Wa-wait a minute Tsunade! I can expla--" A most curious sensation spread through Naruto's body. It felt as though a pleasant warmth was moving from his stomach to his head, turning his cheeks a dull crimson. He felt compelled to direct his gaze down past Tsunade's stomach where he could see the faint outline of her briefs.

He then said something very stupid.

"Blue?"

The blonde kunoichi followed his gaze and her face turned red with fury.

"PERVERT!" she screamed as she delivered a chakra powered punch to Naruto's face. As the demon container headed to the floor, the last thing he was aware of was a deep, malicious laughter coming from somewhere.

xxxxxxx

xxxxxxx

Naruto awoke in a daze. Looking around, the blonde recognized his surroundings as the chamber Kyuubi had claimed as his. But it was different now, even more so than last time. It was looking less like a sewer and more like an underground boiler room, with a multitude of metal pipes dominating the ceiling. The scorching heat seemed to have tripled since Naruto's last visit and the pipes gave off bursts of super heated steam at random intervals.

"Nice of you to join us, meat sack," said a voice from behind. Turning around quickly, Naruto saw the giant bars that held the nine-tailed fox's body and chakra, while it's human looking spirit sat before the cage on an elaborate throne of red and gold.

Kyuubi smiled as he gestured around with his hands. "Like what I've done with the place? It's not finished, but it's feeling more like home all the time. I was thinkin' 'bout putting in some shag carpeting, but I don't know if---"

"I can only imagine that you brought me here for reasons other than to talk about your decorum," Naruto interrupted as he crossed his arms over his bare chest.

Smiling so that his fang was prominently shown, the demon answered his jailer. "You're becoming more and more perceptive as time goes by, brat. That's good for a ninja right?"

Naruto only stared at the demon in contempt. Kyuubi sighed heavily. "I feel like we got off on the wrong foot last time we met," he held out his right hand and put on a fake smile. "Hi, my name is Kyuubi. I enjoy destruction, genocide, and dango. What's your name?"

The teenage blonde kept staring. The demon sighed again and lowered his hand. As Kyuubi opened his mouth to say something, Naruto finally spoke up.

"It was you wasn't it? You made me look at Tsunade's panties and make her think me a pervert," the latter part said more as a statement than question.

Kyuubi grinned maliciously again. "Little ol' me? Surely not. I only gave you a little bit of my chakra. It's not my fault your hormones were affected by it," he said in a derisive voice that practically shouted '_Yes I did'_. "You're a 13 year old boy so it's perfectly natural to appreciate the fairer sex. For example," the demon said with a snap of his clawed fingers.

The air next to Naruto shimmered and Sakura suddenly appeared. But it wasn't the same pink haired girl he knew back in his dimension. This one was older, curvier, had a much more impressive bust, and was wearing a very fine little black dress.

Unable to help himself, Naruto stared in amazement as she seductively put her arms around his neck and held her head close to her ear. "Naruto-kun," Sakura said in a low voice. "Why don't you get rid of the lower half so we can have some fun?" She then gave a quick lick to the teen's earlobe. Naruto shivered and uttered a low moan.

"S-Sakura-chan, this isn't l-like you," Naruto stuttered as the older Haruno began nibbling on his sensitive ear.

Sakura giggled. "It's all thanks to Kyuubi-sama that we can be together again. He's not such a bad guy once you get to--" she was cut off as Naruto suddenly grabbed her by the wrists.

"How dare you?" he growled as he came to his senses. "How dare you mock Sakura-chan like that!?" he screamed as he spun the fake Sakura around and threw her and the grinning Kyuubi. The demon merely blinked and the doppelganger disappeared into nothingness. He then shook his index finger and clicked his tongue in disappointment.

"You need to learn some manners, kid. Ladies don't like it when you throw them around."

"Quit bullshitting with me and quit fucking with my head!" Naruto yelled angrily. "You are imprisoned in my body and you will do what I say!"

This was most undeniably the wrong thing to say. The attitude of the demon instantly changed from mischief to anger and the heat in the room grew hotter to reflect its creator's wrath. Kyuubi lifted his hand in a choking motion to Naruto and the Jinchūriki suddenly found himself being lifted up by an invisible force, his airway tight and constricted.

Hands flailing at his throat to try and relieve the pressure, Naruto looked at Kyuubi to see the demon's throat as crushed as his was. But that didn't stop the demon's words from reaching Naruto's ears.

"**You will learn to respect me even if I have to melt every bone in your body, you little shit!"** the demonic voice said from all around Naruto in anger. **"Now that I am free from the cage you WILL show me respect!"**

Kyuubi then began psychically tossing Naruto around the chamber like an angry gorilla would a hamster. The teen was slammed painfully over and over again into the walls, floor, and pipes on the ceiling. It seemed to go on for hours, and it may have seeing as Kyuubi had control over reality in this chamber.

Naruto was thrown to the ground for a final time, his body battered and bruised beyond recognition and the pain unimaginable. Looking only through his right eye, as his left was swollen shut from hitting a pipe too hard, he saw Kyuubi looked even worse than he felt. It seemed as though the demon didn't care about his injuries as long as he got the point across.

The blonde was then flipped over on his back. The floor around his wrists and ankles morphed into fox heads and bit down hard on his flesh to prevent him from moving. Naruto would have screamed in pain but the pressure on his throat had only subsided enough for him to barely gasp for breath.

His one good eye widened in terror when he saw the kyuubi standing over him, the skin, muscle and bone of his right arm melting and morphing into a wicked blade. The blade of the sword-arm began to boil as Kyuubi over heated it with fire.

"**I may have been complacent and kind when you came to me asking for chakra to summon that wretched amphibian," **Kyuubi's voice said from everywhere and nowhere as molten flesh and bone dripped from the sword around Naruto's face and burned holes in the rocky ground, **"but I WILL NOT put up with your attitude any longer!" **The demon smiled evilly as he brought the sword to a piercing position. **"The horse can only take so much before it bucks the king off and stomps him to death," **Kyuubi said as he shot his arm forward to stab Naruto though the eye.

xxxxxxx

Naruto spluttered as he was repeatedly smacked across the face. Getting to his feet, Naruto noticed that his torso was covered in a cold sweat and Hashirama was staring at him with concern.

"What?" Naruto asked, unconsciously rubbing his eye.

"I saw my granddaughter stomping out of the guest bedroom in a huff and when I looked to see what had irritated her, I saw you on the floor. Your expression rapidly changed from anger, to embarrassment, anger again, and then pain as you began grabbing at your neck." Hashirama lowered his voice. "Were you talking to the kyuubi?" he asked in a serious tone.

Naruto scowled as he answered. "Yeah. That bastard made me…do something I'd rather not repeat and then brought me inside the seal. He basically told me that he's messing with my body. When I commanded him to stop, he got really pissed off and began throwing me around everywhere. Then he bound me to the floor, said something about a horse and a king, and was about to stab me in the eye when you woke me up."

Hashirama gazed off to the side in contemplation. "This is becoming worrisome. If he can influence your body without your knowledge, who knows what else he can do."

xxxxxxx

xxxxxxx

Omake: Ninja News Network

"And we're on in 3...2...1," Iruka the stage manager said as the lights dimmed and the intro music began.

The spotlight shined on Konoha's two biggest names in news, Kakashi Hatake and Asuma Sarutobi, both in fine three piece suits.

"Hello and welcome to tonight's edition of NNN- the Ninja News Network. Your only network for ninja news," Kakashi said with his trade mark sexy one eyed smile. Somewhere out there, many fan girls faint in ecstasy.

The camera focuses on Asuma's shaggy face (much to fan girl outrage), cigarette thankfully forgotten. "Today in the Mist village, a young man in a swirly orange mask was arrested for claiming to be the Mizukage while running around shouting 'Tobi's a good boy. Tobi's a good boy. Oh Deidara-sempai why did you leave me?'"

"Lot of weirdoes out there," Kakashi said with a smile through his mask. "And on the topic of weirdoes, here with sports is Maito Gai. How'd the Fire Country University Foxes do today Gai?"

"Absolutely glorious, my eternal rival!" the over exuberant man in his poke-your-eyes-out green suit proclaimed loudly with a thumbs up and blindingly white smile, either ignoring Kakashi's comment or not hearing it at all . "The Foxes showed their glorious youth by beating long time rivals Suna State Raccoons 176 to 5. Unfortunately the Raccoons all committed Hara Kiri after such an embarrassing loss."

Asuma clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Such a shame. They had great talent."

"True," Kakashi agreed, "but at least the hot cheerleaders remain."

"Indeed," Asuma said. "And now we go to former Akatsuki leader Payne with the Accu-weather report. What's the weekend look like, Pain?"

"IT GON' RAIN!" Deva Realm Pein shouted as his Samsera eyes flashed that cool metallic color.

"Well it looks like we're going to have to cancel our fishing trip Kakashi," Asuma said to his co-anchor.

"Such a shame," Kakashi said with a downcast look but then immediately recovered. "But at least now I can finish my book," he said with a horny grin.

"I AM GOD!"

"Yes you are buddy, yes you are. Goodnight everyone!" Kakashi said as he, Asuma, and Gai all waved goodbye to their viewers while Peyne drew doodles on his weather map.

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Short chapter?

Yes.

Do I have a good excuse?

No.

Leave a review?

I'd appreciate it :)


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